Jakob (pt 3)

“Here we go!” howled Jakob, grinning wildly. The Crown Victoria surged forward into the teeming mass of squealing metal beasts. This was the third blockade of the junk monsters Jakob had run on the way to the dump. The undercover car didn’t have the heavy steel bumpers of its black and white brothers and its nose was beginning to show the damage. The streets were virtually empty of civilians. Every once and a while a news copter would circle overhead or a swat truck would rumble by but the cruiser went unbothered. A junk bug, as Slightly had affectionately named them, leapt onto the hood of the car and scrabbled furiously at the windshield. Haley leaned out of the passenger side window and harassed it with the tip of the katana. With a disappointed growl it dropped to the tarmac. The end of the blockade was in sight and with the thud of a few more bugs on the bumper, the cruiser entered clear streets. Jakob whooped in success but was silenced by a loud, foreboding pop.

“What was that?” asked Vikki. Her voice shook a little and Jakob was worried her fear might set off Slightly.

“Just one tire. We can still drive, don’t worry.” Jakob said soothingly. However, only seconds after the words were out of his mouth, there came another two loud expulsions of air from the tires of the car. Jakob was forced to slow the car to almost a crawl.

“What are those!?” cried out a now shaking Vikki. Lined up in front of the cruiser were two very large junk bugs. Their claws had been swapped for large metal plates set on their arms like bulldozer blades. Their legs were sunk deep into the tarmac and as the car approached them, they braced themselves to catch it. Jakob did his best to turn the car, but the flat front tires wouldn’t respond in time. The bugs caught them like a brick wall. Within seconds an army of smaller bugs had the vehicle surrounded and were rocking it with their attempts at pulling off the doors. Vikki started to wail and Slightly released a stream of very colorful vocabulary.

“Jakob, I am not comfortable with this! Get us out of here!” he growled. Vikki continued wailing and Slightly’s building rage made it worse for the poor girl. She howled even louder. Their cries filled Jakob’s head like an army occupying a town. He tried to cover his ears but it was no use. The screams of his friends penetrated his head like a hot knife and began to dig around in his patience. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t act, and all he could think about was how they were al going to die. Except him. It would be all his fault.

Slowly, though, the sound began to drain from Jakob’s ears. Haley had taken his hand in her own and was squeezing it softly. Her eyes were huge and dilated again and instead of frightening Jakob, it had a soothing effect. Soon all he could hear was the beat of her heart through the veins in her hands. He looked into the back seat of the cruiser at Vikki holding on to Slightly and then out the window at the beasts that were waiting to tear him to shreds.

No, he thought, feeling strength in every beat of Haley’s heart. This is mine. You can’t have it.

With a roar he rammed his shoulder into the door of the car and ripped it from its hinges. The door had enough force behind it to pass through the first few ranks of bugs and plow them under. He hadn’t remembered pulling the shotguns out of the car, but they were in his hands. One was the standard issue from the cruiser and the other was Mr. Baruch’s ten gauge. Jakob yanked both triggers on the old gun and felt it rip free from his fingers. The pellets found their ways into the grinding workings of several bugs and they dropped twitching to the ground. He left the ten gauge on the ground and brought the newer model to bear on the next targets. It didn’t pack nearly as much punch as the breech loader but the kick was much softer and Jakob was able to pound the circle of offending monsters back into a disorganized retreat with a hail of pumped fire.

The shells ran out fast, but seeing that there was enough space, Jakob broke the other door off the side of the cruiser and called for Slightly. Once Slightly had crawled out of the car, Jakob handed him the door.

“No shells left. Do what you can.” He hollered over the squealing ranks of bugs. Slightly looked bewildered. He turned his head, left and right, complete disbelief on his face. When the car shook from an impact by one of the bulldozer wannabes, though, he heard Vikki cry his name and he snapped. A bug came at him swinging an attached maul. It looked like the maul had once been used for splitting logs but the bug was trying to split skulls. Slightly caught the shaft in one hand and, crushing an aluminum head beneath his foot, ripped it from the body of the beast. He roared out loud and his entire body shook with the strain as he flung the whole car door into the crowd of bugs. It cleaned a path that he quickly ran down, a juggernaut of a man swinging the maul left and right with a wild abandon.

Jakob drew his revolver and leapt to the roof of the car. He shouted for Haley to get Vikki and follow Slightly. As they crawled out of the cruiser, Jakob covered them from above. Six bugs went down with six shots, the massive bullets causing a hemorrhage of gears and sprockets. The girls reached Slightly in time to be surrounded by another group of junk bugs. Jakob moaned out loud. Slightly was causing many of the bugs to reconsider their attacks but the ‘dozers were starting to wade into the battle. The whole effort seemed so pointless. They would die anyway and he would live on to see the world without them.

“Look at me!” Jakob screamed. “Here I am!” He slid off the roof of the car and into the midst of the bugs. They clamored at his legs, but didn’t touch him. They hissed and sputtered but stayed always a few inches from him, circling like nervous dogs. He dropped to his knees in front on one and gazed hard into what he could only assume was it’s eye. The glass dome had once been a streetlight and was filled with a rolling mass of smoke. As he stared the bug ceased it’s moving and froze. The smoke twisted a writhed and eventually formed a face. The face held out small, atrophied hands to Jakob and pounded on the inside of the glass globe. Jakob didn’t think twice. He pistol-whipped the glass, shattering it.

The bug hissed like a teapot on PCP as the smoke forced it’s way out of the mechanical animal. Soon, Jakob was standing next to a man in oil-stained coveralls. He was small, and transparent, but he hefted a hammer in his hand and, with a wink in Jakob’s direction, began to fight his way toward Slightly and the girls.

“Slightly!” hollered Jakob over the noise of the junk bugs, “Hit them in the eyes!” Jakob immediately fell into the process of systematically crushing the heads of all the bugs he could get his hands on. Each one that was destroyed released a spirit who turned on it’s captors with a ferocity only imprisonment can muster. Men in business suits,  women in high heels, and kids with skateboards. Some sporting bloody wounds or gaping holes, others with expressions of fear affixed permanently on their faces. Within minutes Jakob and Slightly had mustered and army of ghosts that wiped out the remainder of the bugs with ease.







“I think they’re following us.” Whispered Haley.

“No doubt. Most of them did leave though. The rest are either afraid to go or have things they feel they need to do. Poor souls. There’s not much worse than being stuck here after death.” Sighed Jakob.

“You speak from personal experience?”

“Of course.” Haley took his hand as they walked. Slightly and Vikki were ahead, following the sidewalk, heading east to the dumps, spectral people flitting in between and around their legs.

“I’m really sorry Jakob.” Said Haley.

“Whatever for?”

“I never bothered to think of how hard this must be for you. How much pain you must be in.”

“My pain is not so bad. You’re the one who tried to commit suicide. I don’t have to fear anything like you do. I’m…durable. Besides, if I wasn’t cursed, you’d be dead. I think that’s enough to justify my pain.”

“That’s sweet of you to say.” Said Haley. As they walked, she rested her head on his shoulder and leaned softly against his body. They didn’t look too much different from the couple in front of them.

“What happens when this is all over?” asked Haley.

“I suppose things go back to the way they were. I’ll visit you from time to time, to see how things are going. I’ll give you a number where you can reach me if you need a dead guy.” Said Jakob.

“I’ll grow old and you won’t.”

“Yes. But just think, I’ll be able to scare those darn kids off your lawn when your arthritis is acting up. I’ll still be witty enough to take on anyone who tries to use your senility against you.”

“What happens when I die? Can you stop it?”

“No. When a body can’t hold a spirit anymore, I can’t help that. Though I could get a different one for you…”

“And kill someone else?” said Haley crossly, “I think not.”

“I knew you’d say that.” Jakob kicked a small stone in a sewer grating across the street. The whole city was still quiet in the wake of the junk bug siege. They hadn’t seen any of the clockwork creatures in hours. Or a car, but no one seemed to mind the walk.

“Will you miss me when I’m gone, Jakob?”

“Yes. I’ve grown quite fond of you.” Said Jakob. Haley stopped walking and pulled Jakob’s hand so he faced her. On tip toes, she was just tall enough to brush her lips against his. She pulled away to see Jakob’s face without any expression on it.

“Thank you.” He said, and kept walking.

“Thank you?” asked Haley, quizzically, “Is that all?”

“Yes,” said Jakob, “Why? I liked it, it was nice, so I said thanks.”

“Nice? Just nice?” Jakob stopped walking and looked back at his new friend.

"I'm a monster Haley. Do not mess with my emotions."

"You're a jerk too." muttered Haley. Jakob heard it though, softly as it was spoken, and it killed him inside.

"What do you want from me?" he asked, not unkindly. He sounded exhausted. "Do you want what they have? What Slightly has with Vikki? I can't give that to you Haley. I'm not human. Go find a human boy to kiss. You'll feel better for it in the morning." Haley stepped up next to him and put her arm around his waist. Jakob tried half-heartedly to step away, but she held him tight.

"No human boy could fight or drive like you can." she said, a little silliness in her voice.

"So it's a power thing?" asked Jakob, now smiling and wrapping his arm around Haley in return.

"Of course."

"Well that's nice to know."

"You know that kiss makes you a pedophile. You're thirty-seven."

"I'd rather be a pedophile than a necrophiliac."

"Shut up, kiddie lover."

"Corpse kisser."

"You fail."

"Still friends?"

"Till death do us part."







"Why can't I look at it?" asked Slightly.

"No clue." said Jakob. The huge steel gate to the dumps stood in front of them. A massive guardian to the world beyond, it's surface was scarred with pits and dents, rust and graffiti. The sky beyond the gate seemed to darken as if it reflected the sinister, childish fears that took up residence among the scrap heaps. Everything was as it normally was at the gate, but for some unknown reason, no one in the group could look directly at the gate or even think of it too hard.

"It's like, I know it's there, but I can't, like, think about it." said Vikki.

"Yeah." muttered Jakob. Vikki's constant misuse of the word "like" was grating on his nerves. Mercifully, though, she rarely spoke at all.

"You, um, sense anything Haley?" asked Jakob.

"Sense? Do you hear yourself speaking?"

"I know it sounds stupid, but do you?" Haley closed her eyes and calmed her breathing. With a sharp grunt she took a step back but kept her eyes closed.

"Yeah," she said, "There's something in there. It's hiding the gate from us."

"What gate?" asked Slightly.

"Exactly my point," said Haley, "It's keeping us from noticing it."

"Can you try to open it?" asked Jakob. Haley nodded her head and stepped as close as she could to the huge steel portal. Her brow furrowed in concentration and sweat began to pour down her cheeks and neck. Jakob shuffled closer to her and rested his hand on her shoulder, squeezing softly. Haley's discomfort began to grow. She growled and gnashed her teeth with increasing ferocity until Jakob was afraid she would bite out her own tongue. Whatever she was struggling with didn't want to give up easily. When Haley opened her eyes again, they were totally black. The pupil had swallowed everything, even the whites.

"Let me IN!" she screamed. In the distance a bestial howl echoed from out of the junkyard, answering her cry. The sound was pained. With a final note of defeat, the cry was silenced and the gate creaked open just enough for one person to slip through at a time.

“Where did that gate come from?” asked Slightly.







“We’ll have to stop for the night,” said Jakob. “This is no place to be walking about after dark.” Their wanderings had brought them as far as the first weigh-station inside the junk yard. The building resembled a large gas station with a massive pad on which the scrap trucks could be weighed before they unloaded their burdens in the designated zones.

“I’ll check for the foreman, see if he’s inside. If not, we could try to bed down in the bunk room,” said Jakob.

“How do you know there’ll be a bunk room?” asked Slightly. Jakob flinched a little, not wanting to remember how he remembered, but kept walking, waving his hand over his shoulder as if to say I just do.

The weigh-station had a machine shop joined to the building where golf carts were stored for the short trips between the different sections of the scrap yard operations. The lights were on inside. Jakob sidled up to the large garage door and peered carefully inside, fingers caressing the butt of his revolver. An older part of his mind kicked into gear, shredding caution tape and cobwebs. He breathed deep, nostrils flaring, and shuddered at the whiff of wet blood. Cogs meshed in Jakob’s brain as old and new began to function together. Instinct and intuition heightened his senses while years of training as a hired gun corralled his baser urges and kept him moving smoothly. He whipped around the corner, holding the gun steady and scouted out the corners of the garage in an instant. All points of cover were instantly recognized and catalogued while muscles tensed and ears strained, ready for any sort of movement. Never before had Jakob felt so alive, considering his unique…situation. The metallic tang of ichor danced a tango on his senses and he cringed at the memory of past sins committed. Something had died inside. Recently. He could feel the old part of himself resurfacing, coming back to the forefront of his mind after so many years of oppression. His canines, already longer than any normal persons had the right to be, began to lengthen further, ivory points peeking out from behind his upper lip.

“Jakob what are you doing?”

Jakob rounded on Slightly before the poor boy could blink. Even Slightly’s oversized proportions could not stop him from instantly finding himself on the ground with a little black mouth staring him between the eyes.

“What the hell were you thinking, Slightly!?” Jakob fumed. Haley strode past the two of them, flaunting one of the Uzis like it was a VIP pass.

“Chillax, Jakob. No need to be so uptight.” She said. Jakob followed her with burning eyes. She rounded a corner into what he knew would be the garage’s cantine. He began counting down from three.

Three.

Two.

One.

Haley came tearing back around the corner, her normally pale features a stricken ash color, greenish hints fluttering across her cheeks. Her footprints trailed on the floor behind her, painting sneaker tread in bright red. Slightly shook Jakob off and stumbled his way over to look around the corner himself.

“There’s footprints other’n Haley’s, Jakob.”

“Dogs. I know.”

“How’d you—“

“I can smell them all over the place,” growled Jakob, “It’s old-ish though. Don’t think there’s gonna be any left around. Bodies?”

“None that I can see,” sighed Slightly, “But we’d best clean up before the girls come in.” Slightly grimaced at the sound of Haley vomiting in a trash can. Jakob grimaced too, but for different reasons. He remembered that the last time Haley had eaten had been that morning, in her home. He berated himself for his self-centeredness and peered into the small kitchen himself to assess the mess.

“Too much work. All of you need to eat, I’m sure. Help me bring the food out. Nothing that needs to be cooked, if you can help it. Keep Vikki and Haley near the garage door. They’ll need fresh air, for sure. You too.”

“What about you?"

"I'm used to it." Said Jakob. His voice was leaden and monotone. Slightly gave him a short look before tiptoeing into the cantine, dodging puddles of blood. When he returned his arms were loaded with granola bars, bags of potato chips, and some slices of watermelon in a large tupperware container that read "Touch and Die!" in big block letters. No one laughed at the irony. Slightly hunkered down next to Vikki on the floor, their back's leaned against some storage cabinets. Haley held her knees close to her chest and tried to eat some of the granola bars.

Jakob watched her from the open garage door, keeping one eye on the surroundings. Something inside him twinged, and though he hadn't felt it in years, he knew it was guilt. Guilt and regret. He didn't want this for her. Somehow, he had become more attached to her in the past day than he had with most anyone in his life. Even his parents, or what he could remember of them. He took a final look at the outside world before yanking the garage door down and locking it in place. The thin steel doors could probably hold off a troop of the junk monsters, but the canine footprints in the kitchen had been very, very large. He was going to have to lose some sleep tonight to keep watch. Not like he needed it, anyway.

He slouched down next to Haley and, with a small amount of hesitation, wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She looked at him with a blank stare before blinking and giving herself a little shake.

"Hello you." she said. She sounded tired, and Jakob got the sudden urge to cradle her in his arms.

"Hey. How do you feel?" he asked.

"I'll be alright, I think. It was a lot to take at once, but I'll be fine."

"Haley...." sighed Jakob. He could feel an immense sadness welling up inside him. He lifted her chin with his finger and gently brushed a strand of hair from in front of her eyes. "Haley you shouldn't be here."

"But you need me!" she protested, eyes wild. Jakob shushed her softly, his finger lingering just a little too long in front of her lips.

"Yes. Yes I do," said Jakob, hoping the awkwardness of the statement didn't reach Haley, "And you'll be a very valuable asset for the coming dangers. But you're...well you're...important to me. I told you before, I'm fond of you, Haley. I don't want anything to happen...to you. I want you to be safe, see?"

"I trust you." she said, and in her eyes, Jakob could see that she did. Silently he prayed harder than he had ever prayed in thirty-seven years that he would not betray that trust.

"Trust Jakob?" said Slightly, grinning a little, "You probably won't live much longer." Everyone groaned. The joke was in such bad taste it was almost funny. Behind their protests the other three were each thankful for Slightly's gift at lightening the mood. Jakob was especially thankful. Haley had begun to eat with more gusto. The horrors of the previous hours were lost in the back seat as hunger took the wheel. Jakob watched in delight as the color began to return to the cheeks of his friends.

With a soft pat on Haley's head, he stood and wandered over to where Vikki had dumped their weapons stock. At the moment it consisted of the two Uzis, the two shotguns, ten and twelve gauge, the katana, and a pair of night sticks from the police cruiser. Of these, only the katana and the nightsticks were any real use any more. The Uzis had about six bullets between them and the shotguns were both totally out of ammo. Jakob's Smith and Wesson had twenty or so more rounds sewed into his vest, but that wasn't much. If they got into any entanglements, it was doubtful they'd be able to make a stand.

Jakob shook his head and began to pace back and forth, the silence of the garage disturbing him. Suddenly, he looked up. While he had been staring at the small pile of weaponry, it had gotten suddenly quiet. Deadly silent. He strode over to the huddle of eating kids, only to find them as still and rigid as stone. Nothing moved, not even the ribbons tied to the AC vent. They reached out, frozen in mid-billow.

"Who's there?" barked Jakob, thumb cocking back the hammer on the handgun. His voice sounded muffled on the dead air, like he had cotton in his ears.

"Well well, aren't you in a sorry state?" This voice was strong and clear, unlike Jakob's, and made his head feel a little light. He whirled to face the intruder. It was a man, though Jakob could only tell because he wore men's clothing. His features held a feminine grace that Jakob had never witnessed in a human before. He was wearing, of all things, baggy fatigue pants, a wife beater, and black combat boots. Shining dog-tags like stars hung from around his throat and an M-16 assault rifle was slung across his back. His hair was cropped short in a crew cut but shone like gold. Oddly, though the man was packing serious firepower, Jakob didn't feel threatened.

"Who are you?" he asked. The man eyed Jakob up and down and gave him a sly grin, teeth sparkling.

"I'm your friend, lucky you. Name’s Charlie and I've come to help you out." said the man. Charlie. Jakob couldn't picture a man like that being named Charlie. Charlie sauntered over to the Vikki's weapon pile and began examining it with a critical eye.

"You won't last long in a battle zone armed like this." he said. "Lucky for you I'm here."

"Am I?" asked Jakob.

"Are you what?"

"You keep talking about how lucky I am. Am I, really?" Charlie gave Jakob a Look, the combined positions of his eyes and facial features requiring a capital letter.

"Yes. Yes you are, indeed. Listen here now, soldier. I am playing Father Christmas tonight and I'm going to pretend like you've been a good boy, alright? The commander says these are for you." With this, Charlie unshouldered a large sack that had not existed a second ago. It was an olive green drawstring sack, the kind you would expect a soldier to carry his laundry in. He opened the end and dumped, with a resounding clang in the quiet, a large amount of confused metal onto the ground. It took Jakob a second to realize, but the contents of the bag were armaments.

"You've got to be kidding!" groaned Jakob.

"What's your deal?" asked Charlie, this time with a Look that advised gratefulness. Jakob motioned at all the gleaming tools on the floor.

"These things are practically medieval! What is that, a spear?"

"A damn good one, soldier!" the snap in Charlie's voice actually brought Jakob to attention, "Now you listen here, boy. That spear is for Vikki. Give it to her, she'll know what to do. The two hand-axes are Slightly's. The boy's got a berserker spirit and no mistake. He'll do fine by them. The sword is Haley's. It'll help her show you what's what. Now, these here, these are yours."

Charlie picked up two long knives. They had no handles. On one side, they were curved like a woman's hips and sharp. The other side was flat and blunt. On the flat side, near the end opposite the point, there was a ring attached to each one.

"What are they," asked Jakob, "bayonets?"

"After a fashion," explained Charlie. "Hand me your gun." Jakob's hand sprang unbidden to his revolver and he handed it over. Charlie spun it on one of his fingers, wild west style, and with a bright flash of light, he was suddenly spinning two. Neither of them were the same gun Jakob had handed to him. With deft movements, Charlie affixed the two knives onto the barrels of the revolvers. The tips of the blades reached out a full ten inches from the tips of the barrels and were broad enough to hang down past the trigger guard. Charlie handed the revolvers to Jakob. One was a pockmarked gray. It looked ancient and though it felt just as heavy as the other, it carried a sense of ultimate weight. The other was dark red and shone like it was glossed. They were both larger than Jakob's fifty caliber.

"The old gray one," said Charlie, reverently, "That one is named Law. The red one, it's name is Blood."

"They're huge," said Jakob, awed. "Where will I find bullets for them?"

"No worries there, soldier. You just plug away. These ain't your ordinary guns. Each time you fire, though, it'll take a little out of you. Be careful."

"Not ordinary indeed," agreed Jakob. "Who sent us these again? The commander? Commander of what?"

"Let's just say," said Charlie with a smile, "That you've got friends in high places, Jakob."

"I've never had friends in high places before. Why now?"

"But that's where you're wrong, Jakob. You've always had friends in high places. Always. And we're here to see you succeed. Don't let us down."







Jakob counted the seconds as the sun rose slowly over the horizon. Its bulk was bloated and red, gorged with the blood being spilt under its crimson rays. A villainous maw creaked open in it's face, dripping with fire and black eyes like knives glared from the depths of fire at it’s core.

Jakob shook his head, blinked his eyes a few times, and grunted while the column of his spine complained. The sun rose. Red but not unusually so. The black eyes were reduced to a pair of specks on the glass pane of the window through which Jakob had watched all night. With a snort, Haley readjusted herself in her sleep. Her head rolled over to the other side of Jakob's lap and her fingers unwound themselves from his wrist. His shoulder shrieked in anger, furious at being held in such an awkward position for so long, but Jakob hadn't had the heart to wake her and free himself. He bore the pain quietly, his other arm switching intermittently between rubbing the feeling back into his fingers and stroking Haley's hair.

"Jakob."

"Vikki." Jakob nodded to her and indicated a space on the floor next to him not currently occupied by Haley's sprawling limbs. As Vikki got comfortable, Haley shifted again, mouth agape, snuffling and tracking a few droplets of drool across Jakob's pants. Promptly she began to snore.

"Wow. Loud much?" giggled Vikki. Jakob shot her a glare, but softened it with a smile.

"Yeah. Awful morning breath too." he chuckled.

"Jakob! That's so mean! Don't say that!"

"Oh, well," said Jakob, "I dunno. It's sort of...cute. Everyone's got their flaws, see? For some odd reason, I think hers are adorable." Vikki giggled again.

"You know," she said, "I didn't know for sure you were human until you said that."

"Are you so sure?" asked Jakob, his smile darkening, dipping into the sarcastic. Vikki's smile vanished altogether to be replaced by a look of utter seriousness.

"I have to be, right? Its like...you're my only hope now. I couldn't put my hope for my future human life in the hands of someone who doesn't know what it is, yeah? I mean, that's like making someone from Germany the King of Spain."

"I've studied history, Vikki. That actually happened."

"Yeah?" retorted Vikki. "Did it work out?" Jakob looked at Vikki with a blossoming respect.

"No. No it didn't."

"Right then," said Vikki, sitting just a little straighter, "So that's what I mean. I gotta believe you're human. Otherwise, what's the point?"

Jakob did not reply. He returned to the contemplation of the garage window. His fingers slid through the strands of Haley's hair like liquid. The feeling was electric. The curve of her cheek rested along the inside of his thigh, warm nearly to the point of discomfort. Her lips, parted the way they were, resembled pale little rose petals. He remembered her kiss the afternoon before, letting his mind linger lovingly over the odd sensation of wet and how she had tasted a little of the coffee she had drunk that morning.

With a gasp, Jakob pressed his hand against his chest.

Dear God, he silently begged, not again.

The pain this time was more gradual, but by far more severe. At its climax, Jakob wasn't even aware of anything else. Other pains, his knuckles, his shins, his forehead, were merely brief flashes to distract him from the mountain of agony that loomed over him. A volcano pulsing regularly with explosions of pressure in his chest. For what seemed like an eternity, it was the only constant Jakob knew. He had almost reached the point of submission, of welcoming it into him as the only friend he had left, when it began to abate. When he opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was Slightly's ear, hovering over his mouth to listen for breath.

"I'm alright," he croaked, "get off'f me." Slightly jumped back, his face streaked with tears.

"I thought you were dead!" he wailed. "You weren't breathing!"

"Slightly," said Jakob incredulously, "Didn't we have this discussion already?" He stood slowly, noticing for the first time that his body was drawing energy to heal several spots on his body that were severely bruised. "I was dead before."

"Right..." said Slightly, considering this, and then, "But you were yelling and punching the ground and punching your chest and you kicked a tool box so hard I thought you'd broke your leg!"

"It's alright. I'm alright. Where are the girls?"

Vikki peeked over a collection of old oil barrels. Satisfied Jakob wasn't going to continue his episode, she helped Haley to her feet who was rubbing her head vigorously.

"Ow, Jakob!" scolded Haley fiercely, "You practically brained me!"

"Sorry everyone," he admonished, "It happens sometimes. Under certain conditions."

"You're sorry?" exclaimed Vikki, shooting Haley a dirty look, "You sounded like you were gonna explode! We should be sorry we couldn't help! Are you sure you're ok?"

Haley blushed deeply and bowed her head. Jakob crossed over to her and laced his fingers through hers. Giving her hand a squeeze, he let her know everything was fine.

"Yeah. I'm perfectly well now. You know, except the whole dead thing."

Slightly laughed his baritone chuckle and Vikki giggled. Haley smiled a little and pushed her head against his chest where nothing stirred.

"Well then, now that that's over," said Jakob, making his voice cheery to lighten the mood, "I have some presents for you all."

"Where'd you get presents?" asked Slightly.

"Make A Wish Foundation. They thought I was seizure victim."







"Jakob. Look at this." Slightly's voice sounded muffled in the morning mist that had only just begun to burn away in the sunlight. He pointed to his hip where one of the hand axes hovered. It was a delicate looking thing, but in the same way Black Widows looks delicate. The handles of both axes had a bend about halfway down the shaft. It added to the bizarre beauty of the axes, but Jakob knew physics and a bend like that was meant to increase pressure on the blade during a swing. The axe heads were curved much like the twin knives Charlie had attached to Blood and Law. Almost sensually shaped. And though each one was without a doubt over 15 pounds apiece, one of them was casually floating a scant centimeter from Slightly's hip.

"It slipped out of my fingers and then...well just look at it." Slightly explained. He held the other axe to his opposite hip and let go with similar results. Both weapons seemed content to rest there in complete defiance of gravity. Jakob opened and closed his mouth a few times before giving up.

"You're supposed to wear them on your back, Slightly, with the grips over your shoulders. You can draw and swing in one motion that way." he said, tiredly. He hooked a finger under one axe head and flicked it towards Slightly's shoulder. It rotated and settled into the proper position like it had a mind of its own.

"Haley, Vikki, you should give it a try too. Sword on the opposite hip of your dominate hand, spear crossways across your back." He helped them get used to the idea of drawing their weapons before placing Blood and Law on his own hips. In his hands, they were heavy and formidable. Once he let them go to float by his sides, they were weightless and the comfort of the two cannons was gone. It was going to take some getting used to, but at least he could move easier now. The others seemed to be under the same impression. Haley even did a cartwheel, the naked blade of her sword following her perfectly, never once touching her legs.

"How'd you know how to wear these things?" asked Slightly.

"My old boss had a private armory. I used to read the technique books back when the idea of using a sword or a knife seemed more sporting to me."

"You don't think it's sporting anymore?" asked Vikki.

"Nothing's sporting about murder." sighed Jakob. Slightly looked hurt. It was the one thing in Jakob's explanation of his nature that the gentle giant wasn't prepared to believe. He could believe that his best friend was a semi-zombie or even that Jakob was thirty-seven years old, but he was finding it too hard to believe that he had ever killed anyone.

Jakob noticed his friend's displeasure, but refused to acknowledge it. They would all learn to appreciate his experience before long, when it meant the difference between victory or decapitation.

The sun had risen significantly since they had left the garage that morning. The greasy mist that had hugged the ground a few hours before was burned away now, but the long shadows cast by the abandoned buildings in the distance kept the feeling of discomfort in strong supply.