Cows Are Drug Dealers

A recent story in the news revealed the details that led up to a woman having her mug shot taken in a cow suit.  In a class I am currently taking, we were shown the just mug shot and asked to recount the events we thought led up to the photo.  Here is what I had the goofiness to write:

The Drug Dog was back, except this time, she was the Drug Cow.  The unfortunate end of the Drug Dog had transpired last year and resulted in overwhelming praise for one local, undeserving, and donut-obsessed cop, recently promoted to lieutenant Thomas Mufly.  He was still on the force, but that was not stopping this drug dealer from paying her rent. 

One Monday afternoon, the Drug Cow had positioned herself outside a local high school.  When the dismissal bell rang, streams of people came rushing out of the building as a pack of rats would rush for its food.  However, some students stuck around, hoping to hear a human sounding “woof woof” to signal them transactions could be made.  Instead, they heard a long “moo,” from somewhere in the forested area behind the school.  The kids covertly slipped over the fence signifying the end of the school property line, and found their way to the sound.  Business proceeded per usual.  The cow, kneeling down, unzipped just the front of the costume and pulled out small bags of white powdered pleasure.  As each bag disappeared into the pocket of a student, more money went into the costume of the cow.

At the same time, three high school drop outs were raccoon hunting on the property behind the school.  It was well forested and definitely had a surplus of raccoons.  The owners of the land certainly wouldn’t mind if the boys took a few off their hands, they thought.  Unfortunately, their goals were unfulfilled.  After many hours, the boys had shot zero raccoons to smugly carry home.  Giving up, the boys turned around to go home.  Of course, on the way back they began to see a white and black blur that seemed to resemble a cow. A cow could certainly make up for no raccoons.  In a silent synchronized fashion, the boys approached the cow until they were within shooting range.  They took their shot at the prize.  They saw it lurch over, and ran toward their catch.

Lieutenant Thomas Mufly was attempting to catch three boys who had reportedly been trespassing on public property when he heard the shot.  Realizing he’d already lost the boys’ trail anyways, Mufly waddled, penguin fashion, as fast as his 350 pound body could waddle.

By the time Mufly reached the body of the wounded Drug Cow, the boys had fled the crime, and the students had deserted the area too.  Leaning over her, Mufly nearly drooled as he saw the money scattered all around her body.  However, the only thing this cop was more ravenous for than money was attention.  So, it was knowing that his catching of a someone who clearly was doing something illegal would bring him lots of attention, that Lieutenant T. Mufly compelled himself to reach for his radio and call for back up and a squad car.