All That I Am

<i>His hands slid over my body. I tried to pull away but his hands were stronger than my fear and determination. I was under him and I couldn't get out. He bent over me, whispering in my ear, but I was so terrified I didn't hear what he said. All I knew was that he was hurting me, he was hurting me...</i>

I woke with a start. My heart was pounding and my pillows and sheets were soaking with a cold sweat. I got out of bed and threw my pajamas to the floor, I then ripped off the bed clothes and settled onto the bare mattress. I was still shaking and scared. Whenever I closed my eyes he was right there. So I kept them open.

My alarm clock read 2:34. The red light seemed to keep me awake still. I noticed that my curtains were blowing, bringing with them the cold breeze from outside. I suddenly remembered I was in my, shall we say "birthday suit", so I went into the dresser and pulled out some clean pajamas and slipped into them. Then I went to the closet and got out new bed linens and did the bed quickly.

I slid into it, feeling slightly better. The nightmares were regular. He always got close to hurting me in them. But then I would wake up. I liked that, I didn't have to relive it night after night. But the scars were still there, he'd taken things from me that I could never get back and I hated him for it. He was locked up good and tight, thankfully. But that doesn't give me back the things he took.

I closed my eyes and focused on something else until I fell asleep.

When I awoke to my alarm clock ringing 7:45, I got up, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt with a sweater over it and left for school.

When I reached the big stone building, my buddy, Charlie, met me and we went in together. "How are ya today?" He asked me, as he usually does. "Alright, still nightmares every night though." He looked sad but kept up an endless stream of chatter about what was new in the world. In about 5 minutes I knew about how the world was going to end in 2012 from his summary of a three hour documentary. He was boring, but he was probably the reason I was alive.