Dark is Here: Loving a Lye

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Lyenne




Ok…ok. It's time. The canvas is setup. My bushes are clean. My colors are ready. The lighting from the outside is good. My mind is clear. This is the perfect time to paint. Ok now what color do I want to start off with? Hmm…I think… I'll start with my sunset orange first. I grab an eight inch brush and dip the tip into the sunset orange.



Now I turn to face the canvas. I'm ready. I move towards it slowly, taking deep breaths as I take steps. My heart starts to speed up. I always like this part. The feeling I get when I'm about to start on a canvas in perfect conditions. Nothing like a good rush before starting on a good painting. As I get closer my fingers are tingling anxiously. I crack a smile that just gets wider as I get closer. This just feels so good; I swear I'm like the luckiest girl in the whole world at this exact moment. I wonder what I'm going to paint. I can never tell until after I use the first four colors.



As soon as my brush touches the surface of the canvas, my mind takes a plunge. Suddenly I'm standing on top of the tallest skyscraper in New York City. A big chunk of New York is in front of me, but that's nothing compared to main focus of what I'm looking at. The huge red-orange sun is sinking into the ocean and the light it's giving off is making everything sunset orange. Now I know what I'm going to paint. And not just this place either, I think I'm going to follow this up with a series. Places I want to go…yeah…That's my new series. Now I can just…



"Lyenne?"


Suddenly my skyscraper disappears from beneath my feet. My sunset and city fades out and I get sucked out of the world. I stumble backwards and catch myself.


What the heck happend? A dizzy feeling grabs me. I press my hand to my forehead. Not that that ever helps any, but I like to think it does.


"Lyenne?"



I'm back in my room? No! Darn! I look around hungrily for a piece of the image I lost. I go to the walls and touch them all. I search every corner of my room but there's nothing left. The sunset and the city is gone.


"Lyenne?"



"Not you again!" I go. "What do you want!"



"What are you doing?" My mother asks.



"What the heck does it look like I'm doing?" I spit. "I'm trying to paint! –God! I can't believe I'm talking to you!"


"I came to-"



"Shut up!" I shout quickly. "You're not here! Disappear!"



"Lyenne…are you sick?"



I clinch my teeth and squeeze my head. This can't be happening again. I squat down to the floor in mental grief. I'll never get that experience back now. That image was one of a kind and now it's gone.



"Lyenne…are you seeing things again?"



She's taunting me. If I give in she won't go away. I gotta get rid of her. I snatch my paint brush from off the floor and to my canvas. If I can just distract myself good enough maybe she'll be gone.



"It's really pathetic you know." She says. "You're painting pictures of your imagination? Come on, who does that?"



I have to ignore her. I close my eyes and I try to recreate the image I had in my mind a few seconds ago. The sunset orange, the city, my perspective, and the vanishing point on the ocean. I open my I and now I can see it all on the canvas. Good, now all I have to do is trace it. I start to stroke the sunrays first.



"You must see yourself as a some kind of new-age Frida Kahlo." My mother says.



…wow…


"…Now that was a stupid thing to say." I go.



First mistake. I should have kept my mouth shut. I'm not supposed to respond to her. I can't let her get me that easy again.



"Was that back talk?" Mother says like she's surprised. "Well I never! Twelve years old and spoiled rotten!"



I'm thirteen now.



"And just look at this room!" she says. "Who told you you could paint on the walls?"



….



"…Oh…wait a minuet…" Mother says in a suddenly calm voice. "I think I get it now…is this supposed to be fresco? Ha! You just can't be serious! Oh, where in the world do you get this stuff?"



My hand stops moving at the sound of the small giggle in her voice. I shake my head and force the image back onto the canvas.


"I mean, sunset orange?" She laughs. "You are such a dreamer."


My hands stop again suddenly. I can't see the image anymore. No! Not that! It's her laugh. It's just so…I just can't stand her laugh! I clench my teeth. I have to ignore her.



"My little Lye!" She laughs.



My heart starts to beat fast again. But this time it's not excitement, it's anger. My face starts to get hot. My skin feels itchy. The back of my head starts to thump. I try to calm myself, but her laughing…she won't stop laughing at me.



I turn to face her slowly. My hands are useless tight blocks now. She's laughing so hard that she has to lean against the frame of my doorway to stay up.



"Shut up…" I say quietly breathing invisible flames.



"Oh what's the matter?" She laughs. "Are you going to cry?"



She laughs at me some more and I just stare back at her with hatred building inside me.



"Little Lye is going to cry. Ahhh!"



"Shut up ! Don't you call me that!" I shout. "You're the lie! You're not even here!"



"Ha ha! Oh?" She says. "Well then who are you talking too?"



There it goes. All that hard work. All that practice. Months of mental exercise and progress gone down the drain in less than three minuets. I've lost it. She's won. The tears finally sting their way out of my eyes.

I…I need to go somewhere. I have to get out of here. I look around for a fast escape. I spot my skateboard in the corner. Oh good I don't have to look for it. I run over to it and pick it up and then I rush straight out the door. This is a big deal. I've just lost so much just now. And my pride, it hurts like hell. I run across wooden floors and slam my foot into loose screened wood. When I make it to the pavement, I put one foot on sandpaper and I kick as hard as I can.