How bad do you want to play

Entry for the Clown Contest.
Ye ole Pioneers.

A true story, this did happen.
We all work, or have worked in environments where pranks may be common. I had a prank that arrived for my use by accident, I owed one, and it was paid in full, and had never been topped.

I worked first shift at an industrial factory. Sharing rides was not uncommon, in fact this assisted commuters. This was my week for getting a ride, my last day of the week, too. Perfect timing.

I awoke with the alarm. Let Rascal, and Ashley out to do their duties outside while I prepared for work. Rascal, and Ashley began barking with incredible excitement, two little Yorkshire dogs who’s curiosity was never to be underestimated.

This event was unusual, nothing to bark at in the early morning hour of 6:00 am.
Fearing they may be in trouble, I scurried down the stairs, and bolted for the rear sliding doors of the kitchen. There they were, two little hairy yorkies desperately scratching at the glass trying to get in the house.

I became very nervous. Something had scared them, and I needed to discover the problem, and remove it immediately.
Firmly my hand grasped the door handle, yanking the door along its slide. Not being able to see past the yorkies, light reflecting against the glass concealed what was outside.

These two bolted into the kitchen, they didn't bark any longer. Whimpering, sneezing, and they began writhing against the tile floor.

At the same moment, something caught my eyes along the far end of the wooden deck. Before anything could register, a familiar, and very powerful odor passed my nose. Oh, my- this was more than I ever took in before.

A skunk raised his tail, aimed at me, and within the same moment of realizing my dilemma it was, too late.
I wanted to puke, and I did. What a mess. I slammed door shut before the outburst occurred.

Envision the worst odor imaginable, rotten eggs wouldn't stand a chance against this.

My poor door, and floor were coated with vomit, the odor permeated everything in the kitchen. I was in a bath of skunk spray.

Managing to gain my senses, not very well done in fact. I found my two little darlings traversing the living room. Scouring the furniture with themselves, desperately trying to rid themselves of that horrid smell. My Yorkies were known for their energetic, and playful attributes, this was beyond normal. Little blurs of tan, and bluish black long haired creatures scrubbing my house with this increasingly stomach churning paste.

Another problem lied at hand. My ride was on its way.

Quick thinking saved me.

This fellow enjoys a good prank, not very good at receiving them, but he loves handing them out. He wasn't much for being behind in the count. This proved to be interesting.

Luckily the bedroom door was closed, my wife was sleeping soundly. My worries for her awakening would have to take their own course. I had no need for opening the door, my work clothes were in the computer room closet. My thoughts were with her for when she would awaken, and open the door, oh- my.

I changed into another outfit. I broke the spray nozzle from my cologne bottle, and poured the liquid into my hand. Several good handfuls applied all around my clothes, and skin barely did the trick.

Back down stairs, the furniture remained under attack. My nasal cavities were full of life, a quick blow, and I headed straight to the kitchen with regret. Grasping a clean hand rag, I soaked it with a lemon air freshener the wife kept near the sink. The lid was spun off, and the little wick flew across the counter. The smell of lemon burned my sinuses, compared to what was invading them just before; this was an improvement.

Head lights swirled across the walls, his car pulled into the drive.

One quick thought. How bad do I want to go to work today?
For getting even, and holding the ultimate bragging rights, this had to be done.

One last breathe from the rag, I raced through the house for the front door.

Rascal, and Ashley wanted to follow so badly. Holding them back was so hard for me to do to them. Of course if they hadn’t chased after the skunk this wouldn’t have happened. I did get close to them earlier. Rascal, compared to, Ashley was the hardest hit. His entire head smelled as though he had his nose right up that skunks tail, it smelled so thick.

Out the door I went.

Pulled the handle, and I was in the man's car.

“A skunk sprayed around here?”

“Yep!”

“Man- it smells like it’s real close!” His facial expression was priceless.

“Yea, I think it nailed the neighbors cat. I saw it darting across the yard.”
My facial expressions kept under control, I glanced across the yard. Just my luck, a tan cat scurried up the neighbors porch. I was saved.

‘We’re getting the crap out of here, now!” He put the car in reverse, and the car jerked heavily. Gravel sprayed the bottom of his car.

“Yea, let’s do.”


Several miles later, and the skunk smell remained with the car.

“I think that skunk sprayed my car!”
“Yep.”

“I hope it dies down before the sun gets to it.”
“Yeah, me, too.”

We marched across the parking lot, into the shop, and I made haste for my work station after scanning the duty sheet for a quick second. I didn’t want to hang around anywhere long enough to be detected. This was really horrible actually. The odors of machine oils, and the regular smells that filled the air never penetrated my nasal cavity. Skunk spray remained as though I were still home.
Luckily, my work station allowed for traveling about a small area. This held the option to go two ways. I’d be able to score heavily on some debts owed, definitely create new ones to me, and life would be interesting for some time to come in this place.

On the other hand, if I was targeted, and I couldn't come up with a good reply, I’d be had.

My second debt arrived. I was working, paying no regard to her. She gathered what she needed,and her nose curled while I observed from the peripheral. She pulled an item close to her, sniffed it, layed it down, and walked away. I helped it out earlier.

She returned with the foreman. I payed attention at this moment.
He examined the piece. Grabed another with the same resulting scowling glare.
“Chuck, did you notice this smell when you entered?”

“No, Matt. My sinuses are acting up this morning. What’s the matter?”
“These smell like skunk. This whole area smells like skunk. I’ll check with the guard to see if he noticed a skunk running around.”

I’m saved.

I never left my duty station that day unless it required a task for work, or I saw a clear path to an individual who deserved my presence on this special day. No lunch, I couldn’t eat if I had brought anything.  I had to Forgo the vending machines, I'd be nailed for sure. I was sure the cafeteria was fresh, and clean. 

The work day finished, no need for concern who may smell me, the smell was everywhere.

Back to the car. Preparing to unlock the driver’s door, he halted with a noted remark.
“Man, I think that skunk sprayed my car at your house this morning, it wreaks!”
“Yeah, for this to hold on this long, I’d say you got shot.”

He got me home, pulled into the drive. preparing to say our goodbyes. I chimed in.
‘Hey, that skunk that sprayed this morning?”
“Yeah?”
“We’re even now!”

Work was very interesting when Monday arrived.