Ease and Comfort

Ease and comfort was always my goal.
I chased it relentlessly for a good portion of my life.
It was always short lived and dangerous for me to do so
Needless to say that did not deter my pursuit, even to the gates of hell

It started so innocently, three friends and a bottle of wine on a remote hillside
Curiosity one of my companions, something different expected,
Anything was better than what I felt all of my life
Burdened with being different,
Never good enough,
Reinforced on a regular basis

Fear a constant companion
My inner child lost or struggling
Always complaining, restless, irritable and discontent
My plan was to drown him out, quiet him, and make him sleep
Just a few hours of ease and comfort was all I wanted

The harsh taste of the cheap fortified wine repulsed me
It did not deter me for long
The bad tasting medicine was the price of admission for me
My fortitude and resolve are strong and I seek it still
I was told and believed that ease and comfort lay at the bottom of the bottle

The cheap wine rolled like thunder in my head as its lightning struck
The inner child relaxed and quieted under its' influence
Fear fled under its awesome power replaced by a new sense of confidence
The demons of being different and not good enough hid themselves for the first time

My friends were profound in their discovery of this magic
It surely was big medicine for me and all who sought it out
Ease and comfort for me comes in a half gallon bottle
For less than three bucks and a twenty one year old runner the magic was mine
It had me in its' clutches from the first date

Ease and comfort worked for a while at least for me
It was always just around the corner or in a cupboard
It freed me from myself and all of my shortcomings
For a little while at least, it held the self hate silent
It was a very powerful thing, so very strong
It indelibly marked my psyche the very first time

It had its' way with me for years as I pursued it more often
My need ever increasing as it tightened its' grip on my life
I could see the danger but I could not get away as it had me
It would have me for a long time, although I tried to break free often
I was powerless against it, its' noose so tight around my neck
Choking the very gift of life out of me one glass at a time

The truth I was seeking, but the truth about what is the thing that had me perplexed
I was to find out it was the truth...... about the lie
The lie of ease and comfort, the subtle seduction over time that had led me here
A shaking shivering denizen of ease and comfort I had become
With no way out that I could see or envision
Doomed to hurting all of those who loved me as they watched helplessly

Ease and comfort was killing me and that I could not deny
It held me captive contrary to the freedoms it had shown me the first time we met
It was my new master, a benevolent dictator it was not
It was mean and pitiful and that is what I mirrored daily
The truth about the lie was becoming more apparent
I still lacked the power to find a way out

A kind and caring friend approached with the answer
He had suffered the same fate as I and had been hopeless too
He no longer lived that way; he had found the truth about the lie
He spoke with a Power in his voice that I had known as a boy
A Power that I had feared when young and still feared this day
He assured me I had nothing to lose, I had fallen so far

I listened so intently and tried to deny him and His words
It was to no avail, I had descended to the bottom like a rocket
The truth about where ease and comfort had taken me was vivid
What was I to do about this dilemma, he had the answer
"You are powerless" he said, the words burned like scalding oil on my skin
"You need to find a power greater than yourself to help you escape ease and comfort"

A scary thought for me and for a number of reasons
First and foremost there was no power greater than me
That posture had served me well; it had made me a success
It rewarded me with all the comforts a man could want or need
It filled my life with meaningless things, but I had my fair share and more
That he could not deny, but I was dying in the process

The plan was simple enough and my hurt great enough that I was willing to try
That was the key he remarked, willingness was the answer
For me and countless others
And so the journey began away from ease and comfort to the truth about the lie
Everyday one day at a time, a little further from one and closer to the other