In Earnest

All good men wear a mustache
Atop two smiling lips.
Of course they smile, the world is all
Right at their fingertips.

They wear this simple mustache
To show the world their strength,
And masculinity, therefore,
Is measured by its length.

I've known so many mustached men,
I've just read In Our Time,
And still I cannot seem to grasp
Why "female" is a crime.

So ladies, stay from mustached men.
They're all misogynists.
And even if they're not, take heed:
It tickles when they kiss.