Secret Feelings

The music started, and everyone quieted in anticipation. Sabine, the maid of honor, began down the aisle gracefully. Today, she would gave her best friend away to the man she loved, and that man was Bill Kaulitz. She smiled excitedly at the groom as she took her place at the altar. Blake, the bride, began floating down the aisle; her long untraditional black gown flowed past her feet as she stood in front of her lover.
The official began the usual “Gathered here today to blah blah blah” spiel. Bill’s groomsmen were the obvious choices: Tom, his twin brother, was Best Man, and Georg and Gustav stood next to him, watching their singer fulfill his dream of love. Sabine was the only bridesmaid, and she looked on ecstatically. From the other side f the altar, Gustav looked at her, astounded. This was the girl who swore she’d die alone, that no one would love. Secretly, he did. He looked at her, her orange dress draping the curves of the body he loved like a blanket. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her, until the bride and groom took their first steps as husband and wife. down from a sitting position. She laughed as she turned to face him. “Five more minutes.”
“My turn,” she said, leaning towards him. “Nein.” They both laughed and there was a knock at the door, followed by a familiar voice.
“Hey, a lovebird, let’s go! We gotta eat!” Sabine opened the door to be greeted by Tom and Georg, both dressed and obviously hungry. Tom looked at Sabine, then her nightgown, then at Gustav, and opened his mouth to say something. Before he could, Sabine put her hand on his mouth and said, sharply, as if to a dog, “No.” Georg laughed and she herded the men into the hotel room and said, “Converse. I must change,” and she scurried into the bathroom. The men spoke in German.
“So?” said Tom.
“So?” Gustav repeated.
“How was it?”
“How was what?”
“Gustav, my boy, so naïve!”
“You see, Gusti, when a man and a woman love each other very much,” began Georg.
“Fuck you guys,” laughed Gustav as Tom threw a T-shirt, a pair of jeans and a black baseball cap at him.
“Thought you’d want those,” he said as Gustav dressed himself. “We broke in to get them.”
“That’s true friendship there, my man,” Georg interjected. They agreed to meet in the lobby in 5 minutes, and the two men left. Sabine emerged from the restroom and Gustav found himself staring at her again. She’d worn a black t-shirt that read, “Creepers do it better” over a red lace cami. He walked up behind her and placed his hands on the studded belt that held up her dark wash pants, and kissed her neck. She giggled and put her hand on the back of his head.
“You look beautiful,” he whispered, turning her to face him. She leaned in close to him and whispered seductively.
“I know. I got these pants on sale.” They both laughed and left the room. He held out his arm, which she graciously accepted, and he escorted her to the elevator, letting her in first, and he pushed the button for the first floor. After the door closed, he took her by the hand, spun her around and brought her to him. The door then opened, and they walked out to the sneers of the singer-less group outside.
“Oooo!” yelled Tom.
“Gusti and Sabine sittin’ in a tree,” sang Georg, and as if on cue, Sabine slapped them both upside the head.
“And with a straight face,” Gustav said opening the door to the Escalade waiting out front. “I’m proud.
In the car, Sabine didn’t pay attention to the men, or to the outer surroundings, but to the music blaring from her ear buds, the vocals almost overpowered by the computer generated composition.
This song is for
Anyone who’s been fucked over
By those close to their heart
This is for the lonely
We’ll take a stand
Whoa! Whoa!

The car stopped in front of a small bistro hidden in greenery, an odd sight in Manhattan. They walked inside, to be greeted by the smell of tea and eco-friendly energy. The walls were white, with pastels scattered about the counters and tables.
“Why here?” asked Georg and Sabine at the same time
“Because we are less likely to be seen here,” said Tom, matter-of-factly.
“Who died and made you Jeeves?” Gustav joked, and the four laughed quietly. They placed their breakfast orders, and sat down at a small table in the middle. Sabine drank her organic lavender tea, as the bell above the door rang, announcing another customer’s arrival. She looked at the recently arrived patron.
Shit, she thought. Not him.
The man that had walked in was tall and dark, medium-length black hair hung in his deep brown eyes. He looked different than the last time she saw him. He wasn’t the awkward teenage boy he was in high school. He was now a tall and muscular, obviously a ladies man. She didn’t realize she was holding her breath until she heard Gustav talking to her.
“Sabine, honey, are you okey?”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. Just spacing.” She gave him a well-practiced fake smile and continued to drink her tea; the man was now at the counter. It was Jake, the boy who hurt her beyond repair in middle school and high school. He’d used her, taken advantage of the fat that she was hopelessly in love with him, then he cast her aside, like a used napkin. Nothing was what she meant to him. Everything is what he’d meant to her. He must’ve noticed her gawking.
“Sabine?” he asked, walking towards her.
“Jake,” she said nervously. “It’s been a while.”
“Yeah, it has.”
“How are you?”
“Good, I suppose. Andria and I are married now.” What? His on again-off again girlfriend of 6 years? The woman who swore she’d never talk to him again? His wife?
“Really? That’s great!”
“Yeah, I guess. I’ll see ya around.” He walked off, just like he had in ninth grade.
“Hi, I’m Tom. Nice to meet you too. I’m doing great thanks. Okey, see ya,” said Tom jokingly as Jake left. She felt warmth on her cheek. She was crying.
“Sabine, baby, was that him?” Gustav asked. She nodded and Gustav quickly called Saki, their faithful bodyguard over. They spoke briefly in German, and Saki walked briskly out the door, only to return minutes later, dragging Jake behind him. He placed the man in front of Sabine and dug his finger into the pressure point in his clavicle.
“I’m sorry,” Jake said, cringing in pain.
“For?” Saki pressed harder into his neck.
“For everything. For hurting you, for lying. I’m sorry for being a dickhead.” Saki released the death grip on the man’s shoulder.
“Now go, before I let her hurt you,” and Jake all but sprinted away from the restaurant in mortification.
Sabine wrapped her arms around the freakishly tall man’s middle. “Danke, Saki!” She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “Ich liebe dich!”
“Don’t thank me,” he laughed. “Thank Juschtel here. He told me to.” She smiled at Gustav, and kissed his forehead.
“I know,” he smiled. “Ya love me!” They laughed and shared a small kiss.
“Dies of cute overdose,” Georg stated, standing up.
“Dies laughing at Georg dying,” Tom laughed, repeating Georg’s gesture. They all piled back into the Escalade.
“What is that?” Georg inquired about the Gameboy-like music coming from Sabine’s headphones.
“A-ha!” she handed him the iPod. “This, my friend, is Colonopenbracket, arguably the greatest 8-bit band in the history of 8-bit.” He listened closely, and the other men were distracted as well. Gustav put his arm around Sabine. “Thanks, again.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he smiled.
“You didn’t have to, though. It’s just a boy.”
“But he hurt you, and we can’t have that.”
She smiled and sang, “Boys will be boys, hiding in estrogen and wearing Aubergine dreams…” Tom looked at her, shook his head, and went back to texting. There was a sudden shriek of fear from Georg. “Christ, Listing!”
“What is this horrid noise?” he yelled, throwing the iPod at Sabine. She looked at the screen and gasped.
“This is not noise, you close-minded fool. It’s Sinatra. It’s classic!”
“Yeah, well I almost died. Warn me next time!” she flipped him off and they walked back into the hotel.
They all piled onto the elevator, and stood in silence to the 23rd floor, where they parted, Georg to his room first, then Tom. Sabine and Gustav reached his room, where they embraced.
“You should go,” he said. “I smell like shit.” They laughed, and she walked down the hall to her room. She turned half way down the hallway.
“Stop staring at my ass.” He smiled and shook his head, knowing he’d been caught. He entered the room and got into the shower. He thought about Sabine. He thought how she had been through so much. He thought about the scars on her arms. He loved her and hoped that things would work for them.
Sabine looked in the mirror, and hated the girl that looked back. Gustav had seen a girl with beautiful grey eyes and an hourglass figure. She saw scars and burns and cellulite and huge hips. She looked at her watch, and decided that she’d wasted enough time. She walked into the bathroom and locked the door. She thought to turn on the shower so no one could hear her, but she figured that to be procrastination. She pulled her shoulder-length hair into a short ponytail, took a deep breath, and pushed her index finger into her throat. She gagged slightly, and pushed it in farther, brushing her uvula with her fingertip. She kept gagging herself until her breakfast redisplayed itself in the toilet in front of her. She flushed the toilet and washed her hands. She then went and sat on the side of her bed, reaching into her suitcase where a bottle of diet pills were hidden beneath piles of clothes. She popped four of them and grabbed a piece of gum to hide all traces of her deep secret.
Tom sat alone in his hotel room, strumming on his guitar, as his phone alerted him that he had received a text message.
“You and me and Gus and Saby = CLUBBIN TONITE!” Georg had decided Tom needed to quit moping around because Bill was gone and he needed to get out. Tom forwarded the idea to Gustav and Sabine.
Gustav was lying on his bed, air drumming and singing along with Harvester Of Sorrow when Tom texted him the plans. He said yes and waited for further detail.
Sabine sat at the head of her bed reading A Scanner Darkly, when she got her text from Tom. She was reluctant.
“You know how I am with people,” she typed.
“Please. I’m depressed. I miss Billa and I need to get out of this bloody hotel room.” She finally agreed and they all met out front a few hours later. The club they decided to go to was about three blocks from the hotel. When they finally made their way in, they headed straight to the alcohol.
“It’s Mecca!” Sabine yelled to Georg over the loud music. Sabine noticed that Tom seemed distracted and followed his gaze to a woman at the other side of the bar. She was small, with dark curly hair to her chest and hazel eyes that, against her glowing tan skin, seemed to sparkle wildly as Tom worked his magic. The other three continued to drink when a woman walked up to Georg in a washcloth length skirt and ostentatious makeup and hair walked up to Georg and began to hit on him. He looked at Sabine for help, but he was drug away by the woman before she could intervene. “They’re gone,” she told Gustav. “Can we go now?” She was always really nervous around groups of people, though she never knew why. He grabbed her by the hand and led her out of the club into the rain. They ran the three blocks to the hotel, which they entered soaking wet and laughing.
They entered his hotel room, where he threw her a towel. She dried her hair and sighed in exasperation. “Jesus, it’s cold. Can I…?” she gestured to his jacket on the bed. He nodded and she proceeded to take off the top half of her clothing.
“What the hell?”
“I didn’t want to get the jacket wet.” She walked over to him, and leaned her head on his chest. He gently kissed the top of her head. The rain had since died down, and she walked over to the window.
“At least it stopped raining,” he offered, when suddenly it began to pour again.
“Don’t quit your day job,” she laughed, sitting on the couch. He sat down and she pulled her knees to her chest to make room for him.
“Tell me something,” he asked out of the blue.
“What?”
“Anything. What are you really like? Secret ambitions, hopes and dreams, talents. Are you a spy or an aspiring showgirl? What?”
“Let me think.” She was surprised by his inquiry, and puzzled as well. She didn’t think of herself as ambitious or talented. She could do one thing though. “I have secret screamo skills.”
“What?” He was surprised.
“Yeah. I’m serious!”
“You? Screamo?” She sighed and pulled her iPod out of her pocket, which had partially dried. She flipped the case open and looked at the song she had paused earlier.
“Kittie. Perfect.” She inserted the ear bud and sang along with the female vocalist, hitting every note perfectly and screaming along where necessary.
Desperation. I’d lay to rest my being
Solemn death march took in stride.
Funeration. That was my elegy.
Open casket full of lies.
THE LAST RITES HAVE BEEN SPOKEN!
IT’S TIME TO DIE THEN RISE!
He looked at her in shock. “You have a beautiful voice.”
“Thank you,” she put the iPod away. “But I was screamo-ing for you. That’s officially a word, by the way.”
“Screamo-ing?”
“Yes, screamo-ing. What about you?” She tried to change the subject as fast as she could. “Pray tell, what is the real Mr. Schäfer like?” He paused for a moment.
“Well,” he began. “I’m secretly into BDSM, and I’m an aspiring drag queen.”
“For seriously?”
“Yes. That’s why I voted for George Bush.” They sat in silence for a moment, then burst out into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. “I did it with a straight face! Yes!” They finally settled down and she looked at him. She looked at the way his face lit up when she was around him, and the way his brown eyes seemed to sparkle when he spoke. He noticed her staring, and looked right back at her. She sat up on her knees, and leaned over to him, placing her hands on his neck. She kissed him, and he kissed her back, letting her fall into him. She felt her bra strap fall onto her arm. He placed his hand on her shoulder, underneath the strap of her tank top, letting it fall downward. As his palm touched the top of her breast, she panicked again.
“Sorry,” he said quietly. He quickly removed his hand, and they both laughed nervously.
“Don’t be,” she smiled and put her hand on his leg. “I’m just not comfortable with all of that just yet.”
“But why?” he shifted so her hand was no longer on his leg, but on the couch beneath them. “Why, Sabine?”
“Because I’m not…”
“Because some guy treated you like shit in high school? Do you not like me? Is that it? Or do you not like yourself? Do you hate yourself so much that you can’t stand to have someone near you?” He didn’t realize he was yelling until he saw her turn and sit on the couch with her feet on the floor and her arms around her waist. “Sabine,” He said quietly putting his hand on her back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
“To what, Gustav?” she looked at him with detestation. “To point out all of my flaws? To tell me what I already know? I’m sorry if your libido is making you say things, I really am, but don’t expect me to all of a sudden want to fuck you because you make me feel like shit.” She stood up and stormed out of the room. She walked into her hotel room and sat down on the foot of her bed and all he was left with was her clothes and the scent of her perfume on his hand.
She had no idea why she reacted that badly. She didn’t know why she yelled or said the things that she did. She reached into her bag and popped three diet pills, dried off her face and marched right back to his door. When he opened, she pushed him in before he could say anything.
“I love you,” she stated quickly, shaking furiously.
“I love you too?” He gave her a confused look.
“I want you to-“ she exhaled-“to do what you want with me.”
“I don’t want to make you do anything you don’t want to, Saby,” he put his hand on her shoulder and felt her trembling. She kissed him hard and looked him in the eye.
“I want to. Just take me, damn it.” He smiled at her and led her to the bed in the middle of the room.
The next morning, she awoke with her head on his chest and his hand stroking the back of her hair gently. She groaned and sat up slightly. They looked at each other and smiled.
“Guten Morgen,” he greeted her as she placed her palm on his cheek.
“Good morning to you too.”
“Are you okey?” He began to stroke her hand, and she smiled at him in reply. They lay in bed for the next to each other, in silence. She sat up and sighed, “We should get up.”
“Nein,” he replied, “Ich kann nicht.” She shook her head at him, and stood up. She quickly changed into the clothes from the day before and went to her hotel room to change again.
When they met outside the elevator, they walked hand-in-hand into and and-in-hand out to see Tom and Georg already eating, both obviously hung over. She hugged the both around the shoulders, and Georg groaned and swatted her away.
“Someone’s bitchy today,” she stated, standing next to him. “Bad night?” Tom laughed into his coffee. “What?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Georg grumbled.
“I do,” Tom said, finishing his beverage. “It was a man.” Gustav and Sabine looked at Tom.
“Was?” they said in unison. Georg kicked Tom under the table.
“I was waiting for someone to save my ass from the obviously masculine hooker,” he said glaring at Sabine, “but you were too busy with your alcohol.” Sabine tried hard to suppress her laughter, but Tom and Gustav did not.
“Aw,” she hugged him again. “I’m sorry, Geo baby! I really am.” He appreciated her kindness, and flipped Tom off as he got up to refill his Styrofoam cup.
“Saby,” he said returning to the table, “didn’t we say we were going to play guitar together one of these days?”
“Didn’t we decide hat like 6 months ago?” She laughed and they went to the elevator, leaving Gustav and Georg to sit in silence.
“Do you think he’s going to make a move on her?” Georg said to Gustav, who looked at him in shock.
“He wouldn’t do that,” he said, shaking his head. “He’s my friend and he knows how much I love her.”
“Yeah, well you’re his friend too. You know how much he loves her.”
Tom and Sabine stepped off the elevator, and walked to his hotel room, where he ushered her in. He grabbed his acoustic out of the case that lay open on the floor, and sat on the foot of his bed. He began to strum an intro to a song that Sabine quickly recognized and began to laugh to herself.
“Crap,” she said.
“What?” he laughed with her.
“This song,” she said still laughing. “It’s so old.”
“You don’t like Beichte?”
“Are you kidding? It’s, like, the greatest song ever!” He continued playing and she began to sing along.

Es beginnt jeden Morgen,
es klingelt um Sieben,
der Wecker und ich,
bleib’n erst mal schön liegen,
He continued playing into the chorus. She continued to sing, until he began to sing along with her. She looked at him in awe.
“Tom,” she said quietly, when he noticed her gawking. “I didn’t know you had such a wonderful voice!”
“Danke.” He began to blush slightly, but only slightly. “You have a beautiful voice as well.” She blushed slightly as well.
“Thanks,” she chuckled nervously.
“Sing me something. Anything.” He put the guitar down on the bed and looked at her. She didn’t really want to. She didn’t think she was that good, but Tom edged her on and she finally gave in. She sang the first song that came to mind.

They made a statue of us
And it put it on a mountain top
Now tourists come and stare at us
Blow bubbles with their gum
Take photographs for fun, for fun

He watched her and she averted her eyes in apprehension. He smiled as she sang, and watched the way her mouth moved and the way she rung her hands in anxiety. She didn’t know the way he felt about her, and no one really did. No one had ever really known how much he wanted her, not even Bill, who knows everything about his twin. She saw him staring and she stopped singing and laughed a little.
“Why are you staring at me?” She tucked her hair behind her ear. As her hand began to place itself on her thigh, he grabbed it in his own. He was shaking furiously. “Tom, what are you doing?” She sounded scared. She didn’t know what he was planning on doing and that made her very uncomfortable.
“Something I should’ve done years ago,” he whispered.
Before she could protest, he pressed his lips against hers. She tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let her. It didn’t help that the intensity of his kissed weakened her. He pulled away slightly and she looked at her feet in fear. He stood up.
“I’m sorry,” he sounded upset, like he was about to cry.
“How long have you felt this way?” She stayed seated on the bed, cradling herself like she always did when she was anxious.
“Since the moment I saw you.” He let out an exasperated sigh. “I know I should’ve told you earlier, but I was scared. I’ve never been so nervous around a woman before. You made me feel-“exhale-“I don’t know. Just so inadequate. So out of place. Like you were so much better than me, almost, cheesy as it sounds, angelic. You were perfect and I loved you.” She felt tears begin to form in her eyes. She’d always wanted to hear this, just not from Tom. Not from someone she considered to be her best friend. She’d had slight feelings for him, too, but she’d never felt strongly towards him. She always thought that he was a sweet guy, but she couldn’t have felt this way about him. But, now, after they kissed, she felt a strong wave of anxiety and embarrassment come over her. She wasn’t sure why he felt like this and she was so happy at the same time that someone feels this way. She stood up and looked at him.
“Tom,” she said quietly through falling tears, “you know I love you. But I…I just don’t…love you like that. I’m sorry.” And with that, she escaped to her hotel room. She heard him calling after her, but she ignored him. She sat on her bed and began to sob uncontrollably.
Gustav and Georg climbed off the elevator to hear Tom yelling for Sabine to come out so they could talk, and they saw him knocking on her door. They ran up to him and Gustav grabbed Tom by the collar of XXL shirt.
“What did you do to her?” he yelled.
“I’m sorry, man. I didn’t…It wasn’t supposed to…”
“What the hell did you do, Tom?” It was at that moment when Gustav looked in Tom’s eyes and saw the fear in his eyes, did he know that Georg had been right all along. He let go of Tom’s shirt and ran his through his hair and sighed. Georg had continued to knock on the door for Sabine. Tom continued apologizing, which only pissed Gustav off more.
“Just shut up, Tom!” he yelled. “Just shut the hell up.”
“Okey. I’m sorry…” Gustav had had it. He pulled back and punched Tom square in the nose, causing blood to pour onto the tiled floor.
Sabine heard the drama outside her door, and she reached into her suitcase to retrieve a small silver box. Within it was a small razor, which she held against her forearm. She heard Georg at the door. She knew she needed him right now. She needed him to save her. She quickly opened the door, pulled him in, and shut the door before she could see the damage she was causing.
She wrapped her arms around Georg’s neck and continued to sob. He tried to calm her by stroking the back of her hair and gently rocking her. He felt a warm material running down his neck. He gently wiped it off with his middle finger and gasped at the realization of what it was. He grabbed her wrists and forced her to show him her forearms. She fought but he won and he saw the fresh cut, bleeding profusely. He sighed and took her to the sink where he wet a washcloth and placed against her arm to stop the bleeding.
Outside the room, Gustav tried to help Tom clean up his face with a napkin Gustav had found in his pocket.
“Man, I’m sorry,” Gustav said.
“It’s good, I deserved it, yano? I made a move on your girl and that isn’t cool.”
“What are we doing, Tomi?” he sighed.
“What do you mean?”
“All of this over a girl? I mean, it isn’t worth all this is it?”
“Gustav,” Tom placed a hand on his friend’s shoulder, “if you love her as much as I know you do, you’ll do anything to keep her happy.”
Sabine lay on the bed, her head on Georg’s lap, still crying. Her sobbing had quieted and her eyes began to feel heavy. Once he knew she was asleep, he carefully got up and placed her head on the pillow and draped his jacket over her. He began to walk out of the room when he kicked something: a bottle of pills. Her diet pills. He picked them up and put them in his pocket as he exited into the quieted hallway. Gustav stood immediately.
“Is she okey?”
“Where’s Tom?”
“He went back to his room. His nose is broken. How is Sabine?”
“Did she ever tell you that she cut herself?”
“She said she used to but she doesn’t anymore.”
“Did you know about her negative body image?”
“What are you talking about? Is she okey or not?” Georg nodded, handing Gustav the bottle of pills.
“Keep an eye on her, Juschtel.” He patted the man’s shoulder and retreated to his room. Gustav sat on the floor outside of her hotel room, reading the label on the bottle. He shook his head, which then placed in his hands and began to sob silently. What had he done?
He awoke in the hallway, unaware of the time. Based on the silence that dressed the hall, he assumed it was around 2 in the morning. He thought about Sabine and gasped, standing immediately.
“Scheisse,” he stage whispered, reaching into his pocket, where, in his wallet, was a spare key to Sabine’s hotel room. She had mysteriously passed out a few weeks earlier and he was given the key in case it had ever happened again. He entered the room silently and closed the door behind him. She was asleep on the bed facing the window. He kneeled in front of her and held her hand. The washcloth that covered her arm fell to the floor by his knees, stained red with blood. He looked at the wound on her arm with tears in eyes. She began to stir slightly.
“Gustav?” she whispered.
“Hey, baby,” he smiled. She placed her hand on his cheek and tears filled her eyes.
“Gustav, I’m sorry. You know I love you. I’m so sorry. I love you more than anyth-“ He laughed slightly.
“Baby, I know. I know.” She sat up and kissed him. He Put his hands on her cheeks and wiped the tears from her bottom lip. “I love you too. I don’t want you to get hurt anymore.”
“I know. There’s something you need to know.” She sounded nervous.
“What is it? Are you okey?”
“No, I’m not Gustav. I have a problem.”
“I know. But it’s okey, because it’ll heal in no time. It isn’t that dee-“
“No, Gustav.” She placed her finger on his lips to silence him. “Remember a few weeks ago when I fainted? When we were shopping for cakes with Blake and Bill?”
“Of course, I do. Why?”
“I fainted because I wasn’t eating. I hadn’t eaten in about 3 weeks by that point.”
“But you…and I…there was…”
“No. There wasn’t. I didn’t eat.”
“You were anorexic?”
“I was. Now I’m bulimic.” She began to weep again and she buried her face in Gustav’s shoulder. “Gustav, I need help. I’m sick and I can’t take it anymore. Gustav, hilf mir, bitte. Hilf mir.” He held her close trying to absorb the information. He just didn’t understand. He didn’t know why she hated herself so much. She was gorgeous and thin and beyond perfect. He would admit that she wasn’t the thinnest girl in the world, but she was healthy, or so she looked. He tried to calm her down. He climbed into the bed next to her, and held her. He kissed the top of her nose.
“I’ll do everything, Sabine,” he whispered. “Ich liebe dich, fuer immer.”
Hours turned into days that turned into months. Blake and Bill returned from their honeymoon and their tour restarted where it had left off, in North America then back to Europe, where they’d end and begin to record yet again. Things were more or less back to normal in the world of Tokio Hotel and the events of the past month were almost forgotten. Even Tom was back to his womanizing ways. They were somewhere near Des Moines, Iowa on their way to Chicago for the next show. Sabine leaned her head against the window and watched the rain fall down the window, when there was a hand on her shoulder.
“You okey, Saby?” Gustav asked quietly. She smiled and nodded as he kissed her forehead.
“I just don’t feel very well. I’m going to go lay down.” She kissed his cheek and bid farewell to the band and Blake. Gustav sat where she had been sitting and chatted with Tom across from him.
Sabine lay down and placed her hands over her eyes. She could feel a storm coming. She felt someone sit on the bed next to her.
“You going to be alright?” Georg asked her. She nodded.
“Migraine.”
“Ah!” Sabine loved how close she and Georg were. They were the best of friends. She felt like he was the older brother she’d always wanted and he knew that. He loved her too, but only in a familial way. They could tell each other everything and were together quite often. If they weren’t together, he was on stage or they were text messaging each other from their hotel rooms. Fortunately Gustav was aware of their closeness and knew that Georg wouldn’t come in the way of the big plans Gustav had.
“Yeah,” she sighed. “Way lame!”
“For sure, my friend. But is there anything else?” He went into his maternal “20 questions” phase. “Is there anything going on. She leaned on one elbow and looked up at him.
“I eat and don’t puke, my arms are clean, and Gustav and I are in love and there is no friction.” He raised an eyebrow at her. “Okey okey okey. You caught me. I skipped breakfast this morning because I woke up at, like, noon.”
“So?”
“So? So that’s lunch time, so I ate lunch.” They both laughed and Sabine sighed. “There is one thing though.” She scooted over and Georg lay next to her. “I don’t know, but I just feel like he’s being distant. Maybe that’s just me being clingy. I don’t know.” Georg sighed. He wished he could tell her why. “I feel like there something he’s not telling me. I feel that way with everyone about now. I don’t know why. Am I crazy?” he chuckled slightly.
“No, Saby. You aren’t crazy. Maybe he is keeping something, maybe he isn’t. No one knows for sure except Gustav.” And everyone else. She smiled, wrapped her arms around Georg’s chest and squeezed him.
“Danke, Georg.” She smiled. “Now go! Before they see us together!” They laughed and he returned to the eating area where the band was sitting around talking amongst themselves, mostly in German.
“Is she okey?” Gustav queried out of concern for his lover.
“She’s fine. She suspects something is going on though. When are you going to do it?”
“I’ll do it. Just wait.”
Sabine was awoken by someone sitting next to her on the bed. She smiled when she saw who it was.
“Hey, Blakey,” she told her friend, sitting up.
“Hey, Saby,” she returned the smile. “I brought you these.” She handed Sabine a bottle of water, a cup of coffee and a bottle of aspirin. “Georg told me you had a migraine, so I picked you up some aspirin when we stopped at the last gas station.” Sabine hugged her best friend and swallowed two aspirin.
“Thanks, honey. I appreciate it.” Blake sighed and handed her a package of unopened cigarettes. “Gustav told me to give these to you.” Sabine smiled in spite of her friend’s concern and took the package.
“Thank you, Blake. I know how much you hate it.” Blake shrugged and hugged her friend again and she departed to the front lounge of the bus. Sabine lay on the bed and looked above her. She didn’t notice someone had walked in until he sat down next to her.
“Hey!” She scooted over to let Gustav lay down next to her. Once he did, she laid her head on his chest.
“As well you should scoot over,” he said jokingly. “This is my bed, woman.” She laughed as she leaned up to kiss him. She climbed on top of him and, still kissing him, placed her hands on his chest. He put his hands on her hips when Tom walked in.
“Christ, you two! Can’t you wait till we stop to get it on?” he whined.
“Aw, poor Tomi. Do you feel left out?” Sabine mocked him as she sat up. He looked at Gustav, then at Sabine, and without changing his apathetic expression stated, “Ew. Gustav. Never.” He exited in the same direction Blake had, leaving Gustav and Sabine alone. He sat next to her, his hand on her upper thigh.
“Everyone’s up front, I take it?” Sabine asked, and Gustav nodded. She gave him an evil grin. “Let’s be anti-social,” and she climbed back on top of him.
They pulled up in front of the hotel in the early evening. When they finally managed to make their way through the mass of screeching fangirls, they made their ways to their rooms with their usual roommates: couples and Tom and Georg. Sabine was in the shower when Gustav called a restaurant. He knew this was a special day for her, and he wanted to make it better. He had to do this, and he had to do it today. She came out of the shower as Gustav hung up the phone.
“Who was that?” she asked.
“Just a little place I know.” He smiled. “Get dressed. We’re going to go to dinner.” She smiled and began to blow dry her hair. “By the way,” he said when she finished. “Happy birthday.” She smiled and wrapped her arms around him.
“Oh my gosh! You remembered!” They kissed.
“Of course I did. Are you implying that I am a shitty boyfriend?” he laughed as she pulled her dress over her head. When she was ready, they left as discretely as possible; walking to the restaurant Gustav had made reservations at. When they stopped in front of it, Sabine gasped.
“Oh my god,” she whispered when he opened the door. “You got reservations at Babbo Ristorante e Enoteca? Are you serious?” He nodded and let the waitress lead them to their table. He pulled the chair for her and she sat down, still in awe. She had only heard about this restaurant in magazines and television shows. It was a huge splurge that only a few people could even afford to enjoy. He ordered a bottle of wine and she looked around.
“Yeah I got a table here. I’m famous remember?” She smiled. They talked and ate, the entire time focusing on no one but each other. She was reminded tonight why she’d fallen in love with him in the first place. He was kind, sweet, and romantic, just the guy she’d always dreamed of. He was still amazed by her glowing skin and piercing grey eyes. He smiled at her. “Why do you like this place so much?”
“It’s a great way to get you to spend money on me,” she laughed. “Actually, the owner and head chef is Mario Batali, who is one of my favorite chefs ever.” He kept smiling at her, not saying anything. She began to get slightly nervous. “What? Why are you smiling at me?” Just then a tall man stood by the table, placing a small coffee-soaked pastry in between the two. She looked at him and gasped.
“So, I hear today is your birthday?” he said to Sabine. She nodded, still in shock of his presence. He gave a small chuckle. “I take it I don’t need to introduce myself, but I’m Mario Batali.” She shook his hand and smiled.
“I’m sorry,” she blushed. “I’m just…you’re…and your food…and…” He chuckled again and motioned to Gustav, who then stood up and reached into his pocket. Sabine, who was still seated, was unsure what was going on until She saw Gustav kneel in front of her with a small black box.
“Sabine,” he began as the tears began to fill her eyes, “I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you and I honestly don’t know how I lived my life before I met you.” He took her hand, and continued. “Will you marry me?” She felt the tears fall down her cheeks as she smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Of course I will,” she whispered and they kissed. The restaurant’s patrons applauded the newly engaged couple, including the famous chef that Sabine looked up to. He slid the small silver ring on her finger. It was a perfect fit and it was the perfect ring. This moment was how’d she always pictured it. She looked at Gustav and realized that it was also different. In her dreams as a child, the man was faceless. Now, she had the perfect guy and he was perfect.
The guys finished the American part of the tour and managed to make it onto the plane to head to Europe. Of course, they all sat in their obvious groups of two, though Sabine and Georg ended up talking through out the flight. After an hour or so, the turbulence began to kick in, but Sabine wasn’t scared. She had ridden planes her whole life, so she did her best to help calm Blake, who was having a panic attack despite the calming words from Sabine and Bill. Once the ride had smoothed out, Sabine leaned her head on Gustav’s shoulder. He smiled and kissed the top of her head, catching a whiff of her lavender scented conditioner. He whispered to her.
“I love you.” She smiled and sighed.
“I know.” They laughed and she kissed his cheek. Georg, who sat directly across from Sabine and Gustav, interjected.
“Jesus, guys. Seriously?” Sabine laughed and threw a small piece of candy at him. He looked at the spot on his jacket where the candy had landed and looked at Sabine in shock. “Not you too!” She laughed.
“Of course! What meaning is there to life without throwing candy at you, Hagen?” He smiled and decided to drift back off to sleep, following Tom’s example. After another 15 minutes of a smooth ride, the plane jumped quickly, shaking everyone awake. Sabine wasn’t as worried for herself as she was for Blake who was extremely nervous. All of a sudden it shook violently again. This wasn’t just turbulence, Sabine thought. This was worse. She grabbed Gustav’s hand with a death grip. Now she was freaking out. The falling and the shaking and the screaming and the crying were all too much for Sabine. Gustav held on to her the best he could and she yelled to him over the surrounding noise, “I love you!” After another few seconds that felt like hours, the plane straightened and smoothed. Everyone began to settle, still shaken and on edge. A voice came over the intercom.
“Hello, everyone. My name is Colonel Samson; I’m the co-pilot on this flight. I apologize sincerely for that. We are going to have an emergency landing in what looks like Paris. Again sorry for all of that.” By this point, all of the passengers were asking what the hell had just happened. Sabine gripped Blake’s shoulder in front of her as Bill was wiping the tears from her face. Gustav pulled Sabine close to him, just happy that they were still alive. Sabine had a new fear: planes.
The plane made its landing, and the voices flared up again. Most of the profanities were in languages Sabine didn't understand, but she knew from her own thoughts what they were saying: What the fuck just happened?! The band and the girls got off the plane, to be greeted by airport security as opposed to fangirls which was a nice change of pace. They were all seated in the waiting area by the gate, where a few people began to yell at the co pilot and at the airport staff and at the other passengers. Sabine hated that. Bill and Blake sat next to Tom. Blake still extremely shaken from her near-death experience. Gustav held Sabine's hand as he spoke with Georg about something. Sabine didn't listen she was listening to the other passengers.
"Well, why are we here? We shouldn't be here!"
"My son's wedding is in 48 hours. I have to be there!"
"This is insane! We could've died! You should know better!!" All screams were mashed together to form a small riot. An obviously new and very scared security guard stood by the window trying calm the angry passengers. Sabine couldn't take it anymore. She went to the woman yelling the loudest and wearing the most jewelry. Sabine stood in front of her and looked her in the eye.
"Excuse me, ma'm?"
"What do you want, dear?" She was the rich snooty type. She saw only Sabine's peircings and colourful clothes and dyed pitch black hair. She didn't see what happened next coming.
"Shut the fuck up." The woman gasped as did the other passengers, even the band and the security guards. Innocent bystanders stared at Sabine's audacity and she heard the band and Blake try to hide a giggle.
"I beg your pardon?"
"I beg your silence!" She looked around and talked to all of the passengers at once. "This isn't the fault of the airport or the staff or the plane or this poor security guard right here. It was the pilot's fault. You all have no right to piss and moan that you aren't at your son's wedding or your fashion show or whatever the hell you were supposed to do when we landed. You are ALIVE and that's what matters." Gustav stood up.
"Yeah, I mean, how is it this mans fault-" he gestured to a man sitting near him- "that you-" he pointed to another man- "aren't where you need to be?" The passengers looked at the couple then at each other and nodded in agreement with what they were saying.
"You wouldn't even go to your son's wedding if the plane had CRASHED. So you can THANK the co-pilot for saving your ass and you can thank the airport for letting us land and check for damage to see what the hell happened. You guys really do need to chill out and think about someone else for a second." Sabine then sat down, Gustav following. The security guard mouthed, "Merci" to Sabine and she smiled and nodded. She then heard a clapping noise from behind her. She turned around to see who was trying to start the slow clap.
"Sabine, Sabine, Sabine," the stranger said. She opened her mouth to say something, when Gustav interrupted her.
"What are you looking at?" She looked at him then where the stranger had stood, but he wasn't there anymore. She shook her head and smiled. The co-pilot stood in front of the large window addressing the passengers, who rose in into a riotous rampage yet again. The co-pilot raised his hands to quiet the thunderous crowd. He began speaking.
"As you all know there were some obvious technical difficulties. Well, there was also something else that is a little hard to believe. I will tell, truthfully, what went wrong in the cockpit, but I have to ask you to keep an open mind. What I'm about to tell you, as I said is hard to believe. The flight was going just as planned, everything was fine, until the pilot began to act strange. He was staring out of the front windshield at what seemed like nothing. Then he started bleeding from his nose and eyes and seizing. I jumped up to help him and to grab control of the plane. Then I heard a laugh and I turned and there was a man in a trench coat standing there and I looked at him and I looked ... I looked at Tim and then looked back up and he was gone." By now, the entire group of passengers and staff were staring unbelievably at the colonel, who was in tears at the mere thought of the entire situation. Sabine stared wide eyed at the man. So it wasn't just her.