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when I got my first kiss
on the basement steps of a nice restaurant
at my 15th birthday party,
i was scandalized
because everyone had seen
our lips graze ever so slightly
under the hot august sun
just twice.
but those seconds felt like decades
and i never thought he'd hurt me

my next kiss
happened at sixteen
a country club parking lot in the dark
after the homecoming dance
no one saw, but
i was never scared of that
he took my face between his hands
but it was so much more than just a kiss
it was passion
and it was lust.
but most of all,
it was a question
and that's what I was so afraid of
so much that my knees went weak
and i had to gasp for breath.
lack of oxygen clouding my head

can you trust me? can you be there?
will you take me how i am? i'll take care of you.
i will love you. i will protect you. will you have me?

in my friend's care
on the way back to her house
the window rolled down,
i murmured my answer into the dark quiet night
"yes."
and I hoped the wind would carry it back to him
"don't leave me.
I'll always need you."

now nearly a year later
two days after seventeen
and he'll put his hands between my knees
and call me baby
and laugh about it
and on quiet nights
we discover eachother
with eager hands and mouths
just pressed together so tight

i'm falling into him
making soft sounds of satisfaction
and all is right

i need nothing else

nothing but that hand on my knee

or that boy in my eye.