Human Nature

Alas! While I have seen my own soul’s torment for quite some time, I must have been blind to the torment of your soul until now. Perhaps we can guide each other out of this damnation we reside in. I must admit that I am probably not the guide you had hoped to find. My mind wanders and frequently retreats into a fantasy world of my own creation, I am driven by what the voices in my head tell me, and my emotions run the course of the wildest rivers. The Fates have a way of putting twists, turns, and surprises around every corner of our lives though. It is up to us to either take what they give us or leave it as-is; and I can tell you from my standpoint, I would much rather take it than live in the abyss which has been building around me. I do not understand this world we struggle to be normal in nor do I understand this rollercoaster of a life I call my own. I can tell you that I do understand the nature of the evil that has been causing destruction in our lives, however. It is called human nature. Everyone wants more and more, never seeming sated by what they do have. They do not seem to realize that to appreciate the things in life, they have to do without others. People are so greedy. I don’t know what it would take for them to be reminded that life isn’t just about what all you have or are able to acquire, by whatever dubious means it is taken. For me, it took losing my sanity. I lost my sanity long ago and with it went those pieces of human nature which drive men and women mad with greed and envy; to continually want more – to stop at nothing until they get what they want, even if it conflicts with their own system of beliefs. I can tell you, I have been much happier in my insanity than I ever was in my sanity. What’s that you say? You’re not insane? Well, many people may beg to differ with you on that. Simply put, the way you think, react, and behave are signs that you are more close to the plane I am on than the one where most people spend their greedy, unhappy lives. In fact, the simple act of selflessness you always exhibit with others is insane in this day and age, where everyone goes about their lives more concerned about money and material objects than they are concerned about helping out their fellow humans who are in need of help! Yes, I am crying. These are not tears of sorrow or sadness. They are tears of happiness. I cry to remind myself that I do still care about what happens in this world. I care about the feelings of others and the paths they decide to traverse. And it hurts when someone I hold dear decides to take the path of human nature, deciding that material things are worth more than friendships, family, and love. I know you are not like that, else I would not feel so safe around you. Yes, yes, I know we are human too; it is just that something must have happened to us along the way that affected our view on things and made us less susceptible to the things like greed and the desire to acquire more and more through our lives. We are by no means perfect, you and me. I have my vices; you have yours. But, where can there be trust if people are coveting what someone else has and will stop at nothing to get it for themselves, or where people lie to you because they are too afraid of how people will view them if the truth were ever told? At least we still have each other on this solitary island in the middle of a sea of greed, jealousy, hatred, lies, and unhappiness. In a world so unsure and violent as this one, people of our ilk need to stick together. I think it is more a blessing than a curse for us to be the outcasts of this corrupted society, showing we have at least a bit more humanity and sanity than the world at large. You have already been my lifeboat on many occasions, though it is unbeknownst to you. Your soul, even in turmoil, has a light that mine is attracted to like a moth to a flame – ever showing me the way to stay one step away from the edge of total self-destruction. Our souls could live entwined for eternity and still I would not tire of your presence or the warmth of your soul. I cannot say the same about how I feel regarding the rest of the world though. It is so hard for me, as I am sure it is for you, to have to constantly watch my back to make sure there isn’t someone there ready to betray me. I suppose I will never learn to totally stop trusting people, though. I will probably always give them the benefit of the doubt – who knows, they might suffer from a sudden onslaught of insanity and decide that nonconformity is better than living life struggling and pretending to be happy while always being envious of someone else’s life. Okay, okay, I know I am rambling, that is what I do when I feel uncomfortable or threatened. I guard my own thoughts closely so it is hard for me, even now, to open up to anyone as my lessons were learned by past trials at baring my soul to this ever eroding society of humankind. I can see how this world and its betrayals affect your spirit and soul, as well; better probably than you can feel it, now that I have caught that first glimpse. Your soul has drawn in upon itself in an effort to not be hurt again. You have been hurt as deeply and irreparably as my own. I can help you with those fears if only you are willing to allow me, to trust in me. Look deep into my soul and you can see that I am kindred in spirit – hurt to the core of my soul by those who call themselves “normal.” You are not alone in this world, and for the first time in my life, I know I am not alone either. We can and will get through this and all new hurdles to come, together. Only together can we hope to save ourselves from the insanity of the sane world.