Forgiveness' Plea

(I’m so sick...
He broke my heart with his master plan,
I could tell him a thousand times:)

“Don’t
please, don’t treat me like that.
You always have a knack of making me pout.”

(He tells me to stop, that:)
“Nothing’s gonna really change between you and me
We are not meant to each other,
I only made you think so, like you did it to me before.”

“Let me interrupt you, dear, and

Don’t
please don’t say it was my fault
that ‘us’ didn’t work.
I’ve tried to understand what you were up to,
but you always had to hide behind a dozen –or so- masks…”

(He’s sour, he laughs, he never, never cries
before me.
He could never see how things change like girls,
like life itself…

La donna e mobile!

Defiantly, he fixes eyes on mine:)

“Will you tell him? Will he know you love me?”

“Oh, no!
Don’t,
please don’t mention him, he’s gold
to me, he’s pure and all his magic is my sun!”

“You can’t! You lie, you always did and now you
take a dose of your own medicine!
Bite the dust!”

“But…
You won my heart!”

“To beat it”.

“You made me smile.”

“To smash your teeth with my fist!”

“But why!” (chuckle)

“Because, because you’re a bad type.”

“But why!”

“Because when I was good to you, you killed my hopes!"

“What hopes?”

“Hopes of love.”

“But I've always loved you!”

“Not really!”

“Why not?”

“You still love him."

“Yes, I do. And?”

“You love him too much.”

“But I love you too.”

“No, you don't!"

“I love you!”

“Liar!”

“Don’t, please call me a liar!”

“I can call you any name, you deserve nothing good!”

“What’s going on, darling?!”

“It’s… It’s you never slept with me, you never ever kissed me on the lips! And, on top of all, you made fun of my love and what I did in the name of it!"

“You watch too much TV. You are hurtful and nonsensical. But I still love you because I have found someone great to share things with. And, no, I don't feel like sleepeing with you or kissing you on the lips. If I never did it, it is because I don't want to and never told you -not even suggested- that I wanted to. This is something that remains the same since the very day we met. I've never felt attracted to you in a sexual way."

“Jealousy burns.”

“I can’t stop or lessen the burning and I don’t have to. From the start I warned you and from the start you wanted to live this fairy tale. It would last as long as both accepted it was like that. When I confirmed my suspicions, I retreated. I kept on loving you but understood that, painful as it was, there had to be some distance between us."

“You are the cruellest wreck I've ever met!”

“I’m human. I make mistakes. I’m cliché in many ways. Now, looking backwards, it seems that you made an idealization of me, a beautiful angel that, imperfections and all, was sublime. Look, I can't keep up with a dream princess. You tend to be so realistic about anything but me. Thank you, but this is the you I don’t buy. And if I made the impression that I was demanding perfection from you, I’m really sorry. I’m sorry for everything, for the terrible things I did and for those I didn’t do. The only thing I don’t regret is getting to know you and love you the way you are. I never denied my affection towards you, never."

“You killed my hopes!”

“It hurts to hear that from you, but all I have to offer is what I always offered to you: my truthful being, my openness, my humour, my friendship, if some level of friendship we can accept for this crazy little thing I never refused to call love."

“Too much time waiting in the dark. Love turned to hatred and hatred to ash. I will never forget how you showed me your life without caring for my feelings."

“My life as it was before I knew you, as it is today and as it’ll hopefully be in the future. I never hid my life; it’s so simple, so naïf, so boring at times. And I love my life and no feeling or consideration in this world will be reason enough to hide it. And now that you mention it, I can’t help remembering that it was you who taught me to keep things to myself. I learnt that from you –among many other things- and it's been a while since I've been keeping some even from you. You were used to hearing all about me and soon I understood this was a double-edged sword.”

“I’m fed up with your selfishness. You always measure things according to your convenience."

“If something is convenient for me, I will be with a better disposition towards you and everybody. Besides, that mutually-consented invasion ended up being noxious for both. I felt like I was a TV series.”

“That does not mean that all your moves have to be for the sake of your own convenience.”

“Think of your own convenience and stop making me suffer your post-dumping syndrome. Love me for what I am or hate me for what you think I am. I think both you and I are lovable. However, now that I know your philosophy, I dare say that I’m not the least happy about it, I don’t share it and I think you need some other help, besides mine and my love. Send my Greetings to your assistants.”

“I will finish you.”

“I was not referring to a PS console.”

“See? You’ve haven’t suffered enough yet. Again, you deserve the worst!”

“I love you.”

(I leave the room, with the wrecking feeling that there’s no turning back to his heart. And to think I wanted to do great things with him. He does not want the love I have to offer. He made me suffer and scared me too. I have to understand I was a fool who shared too much and never hid. I should have known better, but he says it’s too late now, but he can’t see that he’s demanding something that doesn't belong only to me. A heart's perhaps a crowd you could make cry, a ship, ready to sink, a crew who's gonna drown. If I hurt your people, know that I’m willing to change and try to mend, if possible, if you want me to and provided you accept my humble affection, the broken wings of your hopes' plane. And don’t tell me it won’t be able to fly again. Don't use your army against me. You and I know this is not a war and, as long as we think it is a war, we'll be waisting our valuable time.
Don’t tell me there’s no hope at all."

(He's not listening, but I hope he understands emotional extortion is not the way we were meant to function. We should tolerate our mutual mistakes and learn to forgiving, yes, and learn to forgive. I’m sorry, please, forgive me.)