If at first you don't succeed ...

Now I started to panic. How was I going to commit suicide now? More CAT? Nope. Didn't have enough cash to buy, even if I did, what would be different this time? Anyway, good thing that I didn't decide to take this route. In the state I was in, I would've been arrested or in a car accident.

I pictured myself jumping off buildings. Suffocating myself with handcuffs, a plastic bag, and some tape. All of these images were making me desperate and miserable. What a cruel, cruel, cruel joke to play on someone. Such a definite exit, and they laughed, and put me back! Fuck, fuck, fuck!

The whole concept of the plot was receding from my mind. I felt betrayed by Kim, and I didn't try and contact her. She had said that it was written that my death was successful [this meant that it had been planned before I entered earth, and thus by definition was OK and would succeed].

Now all I could think was, I wanted to finish off the job.