The Poop Fest

                                                    The Poop Fest

         "Can we go somewhere, now?" Bob asked his mother.
         "Sure," his mom answered. "Do you want to go to the Carnival or.... The Poop Fest?!"
         "The Poop Fest, hands down!" Bob yelled.
         "Alright, then, let's load up and head out of here!" They got in the family's brown van and drove to the Poop Fest.
         All the way there, Bob chanted, "We're going to the Poop Fest! We're going to the Poop Fest! Yeah!"
         As they finally arrive, Bob could barely contain his excitement. The enticing smell of feces wafted out of the Poop Fest's front gate. "Ah! I love the smell of poop in the morning!"
         "Come one, come all!" the barker at the gate cried. "We've over 535 different kinds of poop, 250 different shades of poop, and some of the world's rarest poop - all on display for your perusal, right here, right now! We also have a gift shop on you way in or out. There, you can actually purchase your very own poop!  Start a collection! See how many different kinds you can collect! We engrave turds for free for that special someone in your life!"
         "Can we go in the gift shop, now? Pleeeaaaasee?" Bob pleaded.
         "Well.... Alright," she said. "I'll only buy you one piece-of-crap toy."
         "Yea! Thanks mom!"
         As they entered the gift shop, properly known as Crapshop, Bob saw exactly what he wanted immediately: the Bucket of Poop 2004! It never runs out of poop!
         "I want this!" Bob said, and his mother bought it for him. They left the gift shop and headed for the Hall of Poop.
         As they entered the Hall of Poop, they passed two security guards. In the Hall, Bob saw exactly why it had two security guards at its entrance. It really did have over 535 different kinds of poop! The kinds of poop ranged from cobra poop to elephant poop! "The people responsible for bringing this poop to you had to travel around the world, so, please, don't touch the poop and contaminate it with the oils from your skin!" an indoor security guard warned.
         After they had their fill of crap, Bob said, "That was great! Can we ride the Poopdevator?"
         "You bet! I've been waiting to ride that thing for three years, since the last time the Poop Fest came to town!" said hid mom. They climbed the 1,025 stairs to the entrance of the ride. They sat down in the seats, pulled the safety harnesses over their heads, and waited for the ride to begin. "Is everybody ready? You're about to experience, first hand, what it feels like to be turd!" the ride operator asked. "Alright! Here you go!" He pulled the lever that began their descent into darkness.
         The ride began with a satisfying fart and then fell with tremendous speed, curving at various intervals in order to promote the feeling that one was, indeed a turd in someone's intestines. The ride slowed at what would have been the rectum in a human, and popped out into the light, freed from its intestinal cage. After a two minute adventure, the ride finally came to a halt.
         "What a ride!" Bob's mom yelled, more excited than he was.
         "Hey everybody!" a barker yelled. "Come see the world's largest turd! It's big, alright! Also, come and view some smaller but equally beautiful Topai Turds! The sculptors worked for months on these pieces of crap! Come and show your respect and love for them! Bow down before them like you do the Porcelain King! Aside from the largest turd, we also have the 3rd and 4th largest turds in the world. They're home-grown! This proves that Miracle-Gro really works!"
         Bob couldn't resist. He ran over to see them and stared in open-mouthed wonder at the turds that rested on the pedestals before him. "Oh crap! It's as big as an airplane!"
         "It's 25.5 feet long," a docent explained. "Have you ever seen such a piece of crap? It is now considered by over 1.5 billon people to be one of the great wonders of the world."
         "I- I- It's just unbelievably beautiful!" admired Bob.
         Bob's mom had to practically drag him away from the turds. "If you want to go to the Fisting Game, you had better come on."
         "Okay!"
         At the Fishing Game, the attendant explained the game to Bob, "The Fishing Game rules are simple: using this rod and reel, catch the biggest turd you can!" He produced a rod and reel from behind the game counter.
         Bob looked around and saw many older, more experienced turd-catchers trying to land their own feces. He witnessed one jerking one out of the water, and landed on the grill being used to cook refreshments (That's why the food here tastes like crap, Bob thought.). "Okay!" said bob as he paid the man the gaming fee and accepted the rod and reel. "I will catch a giant turd today, or I'll never crap again!" he threw the hook in the water and let it set in there for a few minutes. After about a minute, he felt a tug on his line. He jerked and set the hook in the turd. "It's a big one!" he yelled as it bent his pole.
         He pulled extremely hard, grunting and out came the turd. "It's Moby Dick!" he yelled as the turd sailed out of the water and hit him in the face.
         "You get to keep the piece of crap you caught!" said the game attendant. "Plus, since you caught such a big one, you get a large plush turd to take home with you, as well!"
         "Yeah!" Bob said as the game attendant handed him his very own plush turd. "Mom, I think I've had enough Poop Fest for one day. I'm ready to go home."
         All the way home, Bob slept peaceful, dreaming of one day in the near future of going back to that mystical place we all know as the Poop Fest!