Little Jamey

"I've been reading my Bible a bit more these days; you know, trying to read a passage or two each morning.  But, some mornings are harder than others, and I'm not always successful.  Reading the Bible's a habit I developed a little too late, I'm sorry to say.  Not until after .... (Choke)

(Cough)  "Excuse me.  I'm sorry.  It's just that I still find it hard to talk about ... the accident.  Yes, I know it's been almost a year.  But he was my joy, my life.  And the only thing I had left of my husband--God rest his soul.

(Sigh deeply)  "You know, maybe I should talk about it, get it out in the open.  Perhaps if I talked about it, I could make sense of why God felt he needed the best part of my life.  I need something, or I'll go mad.

"I just haven't forgiven myself yet.  I finally realized that.  Like I read this morning, God has forgiven me, and I need to forgive myself.  I'm such a wreck these days.  God knows, I've not been much to be around.  Most of my friends have decided I'm a little too much trouble."

Donna turned a page and a picture of her son, Jamey, fell out of her Bible.

Gazing wistfully at the picture, she thought back to the first heartbreak of her life.  On his second tour, her husband joined the thousand American service members who died in Iraq.  It was so senseless, putting so many men and women in harm's way for the sake of a country that didn't want our help in the first place.  As far as she was concerned, his death had no meaning.  She felt cheated that Jason had died; more so that she and Jamey weren't with him when he died. 

Then there was Jamey.  She had been with him when he died, and it hadn't helped. 

She felt lost.

* * *

Donna first met her husband while a junior in high school.  A senior finishing up wrestling practice, Jason always stayed to watch Donna during gymnastics.  He was captivated by her.  It was a love-hate relationship--his was the love; hers the hate.

The boys on the wrestling team called themselves the Wild Onez with a reputation deserving of the appellation.  They were a rowdy bunch, and while they never did anything illegal, they weren't the kind of boys to take home to mother.  Donna hated their cocky attitude toward girls, specifically the gymnastics team who practiced after they finished.  She wanted nothing to do with Jason or any of the Wild Onez.

Maybe it was just her.  The other girls didn't seem to mind the attention.  Donna, though, was too self-conscious for that.  She was a few pounds overweight, at least in her mind.  Truth be told, she was perfect for the balance beam.  She was taller than many of the girls, about five foot nine.  But unlike many tall people who had grown too fast, she'd kept her grace and poise.  She maintained her tone by swimming and riding her bicycle.

Donna's long graceful limbs seemed to flow across a balance beam like satin sheets blowing in the breeze on a warm spring day.  Her auburn hair, which she wore in a pony tail for competitions, had a natural wave.  When her hair was down, she tucked the right side behind her ear as she talked to people.  A slight case of acne caused her more consternation than anything.  At a time when one pimple was literally the end of one's social life, her acne dealt her self-esteem a devastating blow.

Donna bumped into Jason while rounding the corner in the hallway.  She'd been fumbling with her gym bag, not watching where she was going.

Jason told her later that he'd seen her coming with her head down, and he'd stopped in front of her to see what would happen.  He'd wanted to meet her, but hadn't counted on her actually running into him.  He literally caught her in his arms to keep from being run over.

"Ooof," she grunted, dropping her gym bag.  Her eyes caught a pair of legs in front of her, and she added, "Ohmigod, I'm sorry."

Donna looked up into a pair of deep blue eyes.  She thought of that morning last summer while vacationing with her parents in the Grand Tetons.  The reflection of that mountain lake that day was an equally vivid blue.  She frowned; he was one of the Wild Onez.  Donna squirmed slightly in his arms. 

Jason realized he held her just a little too long, and reluctantly let go. 

She mumbled her excuses and pushed on past Jason.  She didn't see him smile and shake his head. 

'Shy,' he thought.  'Or, just hard to get, perhaps.'

But he persevered, and they were married the August after she graduated.

Unable to find a job, Jason joined the Army.  He had some talent for building things, and the Army, in a rare display of intelligence, assigned him as a carpenter in the Army Corps of Engineers.  For the first time in her life, Donna experienced the excitement and trepidation of moving away from home.  Though the move from Minnesota to Missouri was not far geographically, the culture shock of being so far from family and friends she'd known her whole life was tremendous.  The love she and Jason shared was enough; they were happy.

Jason went through a program called OSUT, One Station Unit Training, which combined his basic training with that of his future job.  His first assignment kept him at Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri.  Over the next year the couple froze during the winter months and melted in the summer. 

Jason deployed with his unit to Iraq.  A reunion after one very short leave yielded an unexpected dividend.  Upon his return, Jason had thought to surprise his young wife with a special trip over the Christmas holidays.  It was to be the honeymoon they never had.  He planned a quiet getaway at a resort near Lake of the Ozarks, even slipping Donna's packed suitcase into the car without her knowledge.  One thing Jason learned from the Army was confidence.

The centerpiece of the resort's lobby was an enormous circular fireplace with plush seating arranged for small groups or couples to talk privately by the crackling fire.  Basking in the warmth of the fire, surrounded by festive decorations, Donna broke the happy news to Jason--she was pregnant!

Little Jamey was born the following August.  There were times when she thought she wouldn't make it.  January ice storms crippled the area for days.  Torrential rains in April caused widespread flooding throughout the state.  Then came the summer heat and humidity.  Donna spent the last two months of her pregnancy in a small wading pool bought for the very purpose of keeping her over-heated and uncomfortable body cooled down.

Jamey grew up loved and happy.  Despite the often inconsistent schedule of military life, their time at Ft. Leonard Wood was pleasant.  Support was not lacking even when Jason was deployed to Iraq the second time.  During that year Donna and Jamey lived and grew, laughed and cried, and missed their husband and Dad.  Jamey didn't understand why Daddy wasn't coming home to see him, and Donna's attempts to explain to the toddler fell on confused ears.

Jamey's favorite place was a play area of old discarded engineer construction equipment converted for the children's safe use.  The playground was a series of large tubes with portholes cut at regular intervals through which the children could look, laugh and point.  Donna's favorite picture was one snapped on a cool late October day as Jamey peeked through the portal.  She'd caught his rather serious look just before he focused on her and smiled.  He was three.

* * *

Looking at the picture now, Donna imagined a certain sadness to his features, as if he knew what was to come.  She knew it was her imagination.  However, she couldn't shake the thought; it haunted her.

Setting the picture down, Donna closed her eyes and started crying, trying to shake those thoughts from her mind.  She felt so lost lately.  Her shoulders heaved as the sobs racked her body, her grief crashing in on her.  What was left for her?  She had nothing left to live for.  It was HER fault!

Donna sobbed uncontrollably.  Her crying, her grief, and her depression took a terrible toll on her body.  She finally fell into a fitful sleep on the couch, unable to muster enough strength to move to her bedroom.

Perhaps her guardian angel took pity on her tortured soul--Donna dreamed of Jamey. 

He was almost four, just a month shy.  They were out in the yard, Donna talking with her neighbor, Phyllis.  Jamey played in the sandbox a few feet away.  Phyllis was an avid gardener; her yard was the envy of the neighborhood.  She told Donna that she wished she hadn't planted the daisies along the side of her house, that pansies would have done better in the shade.

Jamey, wishing to help, quietly pulled every flower from the ground, placed them carefully in his wagon, and presented them to Phyllis.  Both ladies were speechless.  Then looking at the face of that innocent little man, they burst out laughing.  Who could get mad at an angel?

Suddenly, Jamey and Phyllis disappeared.  Donna was alone looking down on a stretch of road.  It looked familiar somehow.  Ohmigod, it was the same road where Jamey .... 

What the hell was going on?  Why was she here?  This had to be a dream; she couldn't go through all this again.  Why didn't she wake up?  'NO!' she screamed in her mind.

She saw her Taurus come into view from down the block.  The car had no top.  Wait! That wasn't right; it wasn't a convertible.  But she could see into the car.  She could see Jamey in his car seat reaching for something.  She remembered--she handed him a cookie.  She wasn't paying attention to her driving.  What was she thinking?

She saw herself turn back and look at the intersection.  Her light was green.  IT WAS GREEN!  She hadn't remembered that.  She had the right of way.

From above, Donna saw a blue Cadillac barreling toward the intersection from the right, the driver in a business suit looking down at some papers in his lap.  She screamed.

"Look out!  STOP!"

But both vehicles moved inexorably toward their destiny, a macabre dance suddenly playing out in slow motion for her benefit.  Donna looked down and saw the Caddy coming from the blind side.  An office building sat on the corner blocking the Taurus's view of the approaching vehicle.  Donna couldn't possibly have seen the car before it was too late.  Why didn't she remember that?

In horror, Donna saw the Cadillac run the red light without slowing down and smash into the rear passenger door driving the Taurus some 25 feet sideways into the cars waiting for the light on the opposite side.  Little Jamey's car seat never had a chance against almost two tons of metal.  She screamed and screamed.



She felt a hand take hers. She looked down at Jamey's face.  He was smiling.  He wasn't speaking; that is, his lips weren't moving.  But she could hear him clearly.

"Don't worry, Mommy.  I'm al-wight."  He was never able to say his r's.  "Jesus said I could say good-bye.  Okay, Mommy?  You okay?"

Donna started crying as she reached down to hug her little man.  She wanted to say she was OK, but couldn't stop crying.  Tears rolled down her face falling to the ground like rain.  Her whole body shook from the sobs.  She smiled as she hugged her boy one last time.

"Al-wight, Mommy.  We both al-wight now."

Word count: 1988 

Written for and 3rd Place winner of the May 2008

SURVEY

Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  (ASR) Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes! #1221635 by Writing.Com Support

The lovely ribbon is from tinytalegirl for her Flash Fiction Award.