From Sleep My Demon Comes

The sour smell of sweat fills my nostrils.Frigid air freezes the moisture on my skin. It is dark and the desert is cold. Stars pepper the sky above me. Pulling my blanket around me I try to shut out the remnants of my nightmare. Desperately, I try to recall what it was I was dreaming. I know it is there, deep down in the inky blackness, but its exact form eludes me. I lie here all alone, lost and shivering as the chill wind insinuates itself into my bones. A sound; I am not alone. Paralysed with fear I cannot move. I realise that the demon has followed me out of my dreams. As I pull the blanket more tightly around me, my emaciated, pain-wracked body spasms, trying to generate its own heat. I know that I am going to die but I no longer have the energy to care. As I turn my head, the thing that has followed me from sleep plays hide and seek at the periphery of my vision. I am afraid to see it yet somehow know I must. I open my eyes and see that my vivid dream has now become reality.

What I see is an innocent child; lost, abandoned, needing to be embraced. It is small and beguiling, praising me, blinding me to its grotesque, cracked, yellowing skin. Once it has me within its grasp, its voice changes from the siren song of loving words and encouraging praise. Its pitch becomes a malicious snarl taunting me, saying," you are fat, ugly, a failure, no one wants you, you do not deserve to exist." Then in an instant its voice changes seductively whispering. "If you control yourself, starve yourself into submission, I will love you, and accept you." Refusing it makes it angry, snarling, biting, slashing. It seeks to destroy anyone or anything it perceives as a threat. Submitting and embracing it, holding it tight, transforms it once more into an innocent child.

But when I take that child in my arms and look closely, I see blistered, peeling, infected skin. Deep dark eyes that draw me into a vacuum where there is only space for pain. Small, sharp, irregular teeth set in a large mouth with thin lips curled into a self-satisfied smile. Mouth slowly parting to reveal a large serpent-like tongue as it's fetid breath seeps between puss stained lips. The smell of rotting flesh and death cloys my nostrils and fills my throat. Choking, I gasp for the fresh air I need to survive.

This is the demon that pursues me. I feel it in the darkness moving closer. Behind me lie darkness and desolation, in front of me mountainous sand dunes. I am not strong enough to climb the dunes. As I close my eyes for the last time darkness far deeper than the blackness behind my lids seeps into every part of my body. The demon is upon me.