A mother's anger

No one really knows what it is like being alone, with no one to stand behind you. No one to be there for you, having to do things alone and raising you babies by yourself. Not being wanted, no matter where you go. People grinning in your face like they like you one minute then the next they're talking about you like a dog. No one caring whether you live or die.

How can you say some shit like that? How can you say I don't give a damn about my children? How can think I am going to sign some papers to just hand over my child and walk away? 

My babies are my life's blood, I may not be the best mother in the world but I love my baby more than life it's self. With his first movement in my womb I loved him. With his first cry he melted my heart. Even when the first time he tinkled on me, he had my heart.

My babies are my lifeline I don't know what I would do without them. They are my motivation and my tomorrow. If the world came to an end tomorrow and God asked me who would you save, I would say my babies. No man comes before my babies, no man.

You may think I am being selfish, but I am not. That same little one helps me go on everyday. Right along with his brother and sister. I love my children, I want you to know this, you may have him right now but that's going to change soon.

I cry a lot lately because I miss them so much. It hurts like a knife cutting into my soul to be away from my children. What you said hurt me more than anything my mother or sisters could have said or done. Did you know that little one was my confident when I couldn't tell anybody anything? He was my backbone when you or everybody else wasn't there.

He was the only I could tell any and everything. I didn't have to worry about him repeating anything, he would just look up at me and smile. I could hold him close and cry, I didn't have to worry about him laughing at me later. He would just put his little hand on my cheek and wipe the tears away.

So don't you dare ever in you lifetime or anyone else say that I don't care about my baby because I do. I miss him more than you think. He wouldn't be with you if I wasn't thinking of his welfare and well being. That's my baby, my last little one and my best friend. I know he loves you and you love him.

I miss holding my baby in my arms. I miss laughing and talking with him. I miss playing ball with him, trying to teach him how to write, fixing me and him our midnight snack, telling him and his sister some story I made up. So don't you tell me I don't love my baby because I do.

I love my baby so much that I put him in a place, I know he was well taken care of. You act like I don't care, but I do, if I didn't care neither you nor I would have him. Some stranger would because I would have given him up when he was born, but I didn't. I kept him and love him the only way I knew how.

You are a cold and heartless person to say of think something like that. I already feel like my children are growing up without me. I am trying to get things together but I see the only one who sees this is me and God.

So if think I am a lousy mother, so be it. To be honest I don't give a hoot in hell what you think, because you and I both know that I am a damn good mother. So when you or anyone else says I don't give a damn about my babies you both are lairs.