dating diaries (if only you knew)

Dating Diaries:
If you only knew

Every time I've been with someone else, I found myself still thinking of you.
There is so much that I wish I could have told you,
But you were always too busy to hear it.

Now you have someone else to toy with,
Someone else who will believe you are someone you're not,
Someone else who will fall for the lies and do what they can to stay on your good side.

I thought you were so sweet and kind,
I thought you actually cared,
I was wrong, I was just being foolish.
You played your cards right,
You got what you wanted, and you left with a smile.

I was crushed,
I was bitter,
I couldn't stand seeing pictures of you and her surface everywhere,
Sometimes I still wish you were here,
But I know that's just because,
Somewhere deep inside,
I still believe your lies.

I thought you were so different,
But you're just the same, just like all the rest,
It really is a shame.
I hate that I believed you,
And that even now I still wish you were here,
I hate that I still miss you,
Even knowing what I know now.
The fact that I still think of you,
Really goes to show, just how weak I was
How pitiful I've become

If there was a cure for this,
I would do anything,
Just to stop being this way.

I wish I could tell you how much it hurt,
When you started acting like you didn't care,
When you suddenly had no time,
To call, to spend time together,
To act the way you used to.
But then again,
That's all it ever was,
An act.

If only you knew,
What it has been like,
Wanting to be close
To someone who was never really there,
Constantly fooling yourself,
Thinking you would turn around
And make it all better.

I should have known,
I should have stayed away,
But you were too sly,
You knew how to get what you wanted,
You've left me so confused,
So frustrated,
Everything I never was

Before I met you
I was strong,
I was wise,
What a surprise,
One look, One touch, and a few words later,
And I've become everything I never wanted to be,
I used to be so independent,
I used to be so sound,
Now I find myself trying to put me back together

It's taken a lot of time,
A lot of nights wasted crying,
A lot of nights wasted wishing,
A lot of nights hoping,
A lot of nights coping,
With everything that I just don't understand.

Why?
Why did you do what you did?
Why did you choose her over me?
Why did you lie?
When did you change?

Why?
Why do I still miss you?
I just don't understand.
I know what you've done,
I know how it affected me,
So why do I still miss you?
Why do I still care?

You fooled me,
You hurt me,
If only you knew...
Just how much it hurts,
To still be thinking of you.