The placenta archives

Act 1

Curtains up-
Untuned, upright bass is being played with a dead trout. Spotlight on musician, coughing and hacking. Smokers cough while he plays.
Second spotlight turns on and meanders aimlessly around in a few quick circles until it catches sight of something large.
A morbidly obese woman in blue sweat pants and a white tank top comes from corner of the stage (spotlight now on her and the musician both) and lays down on her back, showing the audience the right side of her body.
A drum roll begins as she begins to rub her belly simultaneously (bassist stops and hurls dead fish at audience) and a short man with a curly black mustache and 'circus master' attire waddles out. He throws his hands in the air for applause, and circus music plays as soon as the clapping starts.

Circus master: Ladies and gents, germs and worms, welcome! I hope you stay with us this evening will be a magnificent one, well worth your tenth of a dollar, and exceedingly perverse for those of you with the itch inside.

He puts a finger to his lips to indicate silence, and his boots echoe as he walks over the large woman and is tossed a 4 foot clear tube from backstage. He throws it into the air (drum roll) like a baton, and catches it, instantly plopping one end into the obese womans opened mouth (crash and plop).

Circus master: Omelet, you say?

A whislte noise is made as a steamy omelet is tossed from backstage somewhere and lands in his hand. He plays hot potatoe with it for a few moments and maliciously jams it into the tube. Still rubbing her belly, she swallows it, and a microphone is placed near her esophogus to accentuate the gulping sound.

Circus master: Candle, you say?

The crowd cheers and a thick white candle is tossed to the circus master. He throws it on the ground and begins grinding it in with his boot. Gathering large hunks of candle, he slides them down the opposite end of the tube again for the fat woman to eat. She complies, only chewing this time.

Circus master: And now..

Large flourescent lighting floods the audience: a high intensity light bulb will be strategically placed at the back of each seat in the audience prior to showing. More lights- reds and whites, pinstripes and things. Sound of an elephant, and horrified screams. After a few long minutes, the theatre lights are put back to a dim setting, and everybody is blinking their eyes continuously.

Pushed out on swivel casters is a large metallic cage with two sleeping gorillas inside. A big sign unrolls from the ceiling saying, "Silence is a must!". The cage door squeaks open and the crowd begins to scream, scrambling for the nearest exit. The apes wake up and instantly begin screeching and howling (both have microphones attatched so sounds are amplified and horror optimized) and run out of the cage and into the audience. There are chairs being thrown, popcorn, hotdogs, hats, dresses being ripped off and thrown, shoes, beer, pipes, books, lanterns, tire jacks, etc.
People begin to realize their exits have been chained shut, and there is no possible excape.

[femal gorilla menstrual blood has been gathered in designated seats, one of which would be Governor Ormond Hersh, who will be sexually degraded by an aggrivated male gorilla later}