Radio Has Lost Its Personality

Some Say That Radio Has Lost Its Personality; I Say My Radio Has Not

An Essay by Shaun P. Sweeney

In the morning when I wake, I can hear the familiar greeting of the radio in my ear. As I get up, and with a snap of the wrist, tap that big black snooze button; I sometimes wonder if this old clock radio needs a corny nickname. Something like, “Old Faithful,” or “Father Time.” Just as quickly as these thoughts slip into my head, I would dismiss them and start to get ready for the day ahead of me.
The faux wood plastic top of this clock radio occasionally reminds me of a wood-paneled station wagon, that my father had many years ago. By today’s standards, that particular vehicle had a horrid color of green to compliment the wood paneling that stretched from fender to fender on both sides of the wagon. On the chrome bumper was a sticker that read, “This car climbed Mount Washington.”  Mount Washington is the tallest mountain in New England. As it turns out, that bumper sticker was just that...a bumper sticker. My dad said that he never drove that car up the mountain road; and with great enthusiasm, he told me that the sticker came with the car. Maybe that could be the nickname for my alarm clock...”Woody.”  I think that something that grew up with me, and I with it, deserves a good name.

I assume that this particular clock radio was quite popular, back in it’s hey day. At least 20 years ago it was. A former roommate of mine, my girlfriend, and I all have the same model. It strikes me as an odd coincidence, since G.E. most likely stopped making that model in the early 90’s. Neither my old roommate, my girlfriend, nor I would consider each other pack rats, but throughout the years we managed not to hold on to our childhood toys but our pre-adolescent alarm clocks. 

There’s really nothing fancy about Woody, it sits on top of the dresser, defiantly in contrast with the purple hues, and white borders of the bedroom. It is relatively square looking, and boring, like something from a by-gone era. I guess it technically is from a by-gone era. The clear plastic face plate shields the digital numbers and the radio tuner display, while the dull, deep brown sides and bottom, contain the guts of the radio. It is one of the few clock radios I have seen without a new-fangled antenna. In most cases those new-fangled antennas are nothing more than a copper wire sheathed in a rubbery plastic coating. They just hang there unless you pin them up to the wall. Antenna is probably the wrong word there. I would speculate that an antenna is usually made from a stiff metal, such as aluminum. But, these newer clock radios almost always have that dangling rubber coated wire that may, or may not allow you to receive a better-broadcast signal. My clock radio’s ability to receive transmissions is superb. Even without those antennas. Now I'm no expert on antennas but I think G.E. might have made an antenna that is in the power cord, thereby enhancing the signal by using the electro-magnetic field generated by the clock. Sounds ridiculous right?

As a reminder of how old Woody is there is a spot on the bottom that could house a 9-volt battery. not to keep it alive during a power outage, but to maintain the time. When there is no power, there is no display, it just sits there as lifeless as you would expect. That battery would only last about an hour during an outage. I speculate that this feature was only designed so you wouldn't have to reset the clock every time you unplug it.

On the top of Woody, the little slits that house the speaker are warped and wavy, wounded by a desk lamp that sat on top of it for a whole night, many, many years ago. Woody bears other scars from continued use throughout the years, the tuning wheel resists movement, and it can be difficult to zero in to that particular radio station, the minute button sticks and it will continue to change the time until it breaks free of the gunk that holds it down and frees himself, and the plastic glass on the front is old, scratched, and partially faded.

Woody stands a constant vigil over my bedroom, and when it is time to wake up, he never lets me down. (Whether I wake up or not is a different story.) These days the sliding button that allows me to switch modes, such as radio on, off, music or buzz alarm is loose, but still clicks into place as well as it used to. Every night, just before bedtime, I slide the button to the third position (for radio alarm) and the little bright red dot that notifies me that the alarm is indeed on, sometimes flickers feebly. I tinker and fidget with the slider button until I get the dot to stay bright and strong. I'm petrified that if that dot doesn’t stay bright and true then the alarm will not go off when I need it to.

The positions of the slider bar have to be counted, because they’re not labeled. Years of use have stripped any labels that might have had a more prevalent function. Those years of practice with this alarm clock have allowed me to memorize what position is which. It’s a small comfort knowing that if sleeper-cell terrorists had hijacked my little alarm clock they would be powerless to set the appropriate alarm or time for that matter.

Setting the time on Woody is even easier than you think. There’s no “Set” button which you have to hold down while simultaneously pushing another button that will jump the numbers from 00-60 minutes to set the time. I have even seen some clock radio’s that you have to cycle through the numbers from minute to minute. Allow me to explain here; when the clock reads 5:30, you push that button and you have 5:31, if you push it again you get 5:32, then 5:33, etc. good luck in the fall when daylight savings time shows us its ugly head again. When you “Fall Back” you have to press that button 660 times. That whole process could be as annoying as counting the spots on a running Dalmatian. Not Woody! All you have to do is hit the right button. For the minutes it’s the last button on the right, for the hours it’s the third on the right. Thus during daylight savings time I only have to push that hour button eleven times. For years, this alarm clock has been optimizing my time for me...thanks Woody!

A few years ago I was without Woody for a few months; I had to purchase a different clock/radio. I know, I know, I feel like I committed adultery too. Keeping with tradition I bought a new G.E. model that was supposed to set the proper time for you. Now being that, at that time, I wasn’t in Eastern Standard Time, but in the middle of the Arabian Desert, I had trouble here. That clock radio, after leaving the desert, would never display the correct time again.               

My clock radio does seem old to some, but it still doesn’t fail to rouse me from my heavy slumber, when it’s set right. Amazingly, Woody is roughly twenty years old, and I have had him for most of that length of time. Before me, Woody belonged to my brother.

The speaker when turned up too much makes the sound distorted and garbled. When you turn it down it isn’t loud enough. So I always have to find that delicate balance of dynamics without the distortion. Typically that setting is two-thirds of the knobs full range.

Now, I bet the question burning in your soul is; what radio station do I wake up to? That all depends on the amount and quality of sleep I am expected to get. If I am getting to bed late (which is more common than not) I usually tune it into the local rock station. Here in South Bend that’s 103.9 The Bear. If I could get a decent length of sleep with reasonably good quality, it’s all the way at the other end of the frequency modulation dial, the ominous commercial free N.P.R. station. 88.1. That station definitely impacts my day. 

Normally after dressing, brushing, and combing, and all those other painfully boring morning rituals, I would hop in my car and have a choice to make. Which morning program do I listen to? Although my drive in to work is only thirty minutes, give or take, there are options. As I drive bleary eyed to work in the morning I narrow it down to two choices – the shock jocks on the local Rock Station or NPR. Most mornings I choose NPR. Usually in-between six and six-thirty in the morning I can get caught up on all the news, and not be interrupted every five minutes by commercials and those weird noises and sound clips other stations, dependant upon advertising revenue, use. I've noticed that some of these stations will tell you that they play thirty solid minutes of music but disrupt you in-between every song to tell you about how they play thirty solid minutes of music.             

Since the ride into work is only thirty minutes, I suspended my listening pleasure for a few minutes when I walk in the door. When I finally get back to the radio, sitting on the edge of the desk, at work, I listen with pleasure at the weekday programming of the local college radio station, 91.1 The Globe, in Goshen, IN. The up-tempo programs (what I would like to call real radio) keep me from relapsing into the sleep that I so desperately need. 

On this station’s programs, there’s more music than talk. When the talk does come, it is brief. In comparison, some other radio stations have DJ’s that drone on about sex, beer, and fart jokes and these DJ’s play the songs that they are told to play. (But that’s another essay altogether) Some stations have angry right winged talk show hosts that ramble on about “liberals” and how they are destroying the country. No matter what time of day it is, The Globe still remains without unnecessary noise and sound effects, it seems to be beneath them. In my humble opinion, College Radio and NPR usually have more informative guests in their studios, and better topics to speak about. When the Berlin Wall came down, I heard about it on NPR.

On one particular morning, I started to think about a particular song I would like to hear. Many come to mind. Since I am a fervent aficionado of all types of music, the decision could be broken into a few different categories. First I thought: What do I like to listen to? I realize that what I listen to could be a very broad-spectrum answer, So allow me to narrow it down a bit. My next question to myself, being a guitarist and drummer, is: What do I like to play? A wonderful gift was bestowed upon me last Christmas...a new guitar. So I spend a little time everyday, plucking at the strings, and singing something. To accompany the guitar, I have a decent collection of songbooks, some of which are as large as big city metropolitan phonebooks. As I ponder this second question, I realize again that what I play in my living room, or on the occasional open mic, is another extensive answer.
Another question pops in my head: What do I like to sing? Now, here’s another answer that could be just as widespread as the other two but it is narrower still, and I'm getting warmer.

Then the last question, the right question, pops into my head, like an author whom just knocked over that writers block wall: What do I sing well? That is an easy question for me to answer, anything written by the band Green Day.
My fixation with this modern punk rock band started just before their debut album, Dookie. One of my friends’ brothers had their previous album, Kerplunk, and my friend and I had the chance to listen to it. That was the point where I became a fan of their music. Green Day was on of those bands that make you shake your head wildly, and jump around your bedroom. I was only thirteen at the time, but I remember wanting to get my hands on more of their music.

Now, almost fourteen years later I still find myself enamored with their catchy rhythms and snappy true-to-life lyrics. I'm one of those types of people that sing at the top of their lungs in the car, and on stage.

A few years ago, I was in the process of developing my own sound. I played at many different “open mic’s” and jam sessions, and always received the same comments after my time behind the microphone was finished. Usually the comments sounded something like: “Hey, man. You sound just like that guy from Green Day.” I would just smile at them and say thanks. Indeed, my first attempt at singing a Green Day song at an open mic stopped people dead in their tracks. I guess my vocals do have some resemblance to their singer.

In the following months, I began to study and learn more of Green Day’s songs. I practiced the guitar at home and the vocals in my car. Then while I was on stage I put them together and it became a beautiful harmony.   

The song, Holiday, was an inspirational keystone for me. Holiday was released shortly after I left the US Air Force, in 2004. I was making the transition to being a civilian and starting fresh on my own again. Now here’s a band that isn't afraid to speak up and say you’re wrong, I thought. That’s what people need to do, they can't be afraid. I don’t think that I had a new reverence for activism, but I was more apt to speak of my feelings on the injustices and wrongdoing I experienced in the military. I had a unique perspective since I had served in some of those very situations that the song Holiday made reference to.

Nowadays my weekdays are filled with a need to sing my heart out. Mostly I do it because I'm a musician, but another part of me just wants to have a good time. Any establishment that has karaoke, I always endeavor to mimic a famous artist, and typically, you’ll find karaoke on the weekends in local watering holes. Anywhere I go to quench the thirst for music that engulfs me, I always look for that famously outspoken Green Day song. If you would happen to see me at one of these establishments, you may see me pouring over the karaoke song books looking for that special number. But before I get anywhere, you could have my personal guarantee that, earlier that day I would have been jostled awake from that beautiful past time called sleep by the ever faithful alarm clock...Woody.

Shaun P. Sweeney