Faction War: Ep 4: The Promotion

EPISODE FOUR
THE PROMOTION

Charleston and Twimby think about what to do with Colonel Quincy’s body before anyone finds out. Twimby puts Quincy’s body into the back of their jeep while Charleston paces frantically trying to think of a solution.

CHARLESTON
“How could we be so stupid to kill our own Commanding Officer?”

TWIMBY
“We’re not stupid; we’re just having a bad day.”

CHARLESTON
“A very bad day. Oh man, what’s Sergeant Epps gonna say about this?”

Twimby walks over to Charleston who is still pacing nervously.

TWIMBY
“He won’t say anything…if he doesn’t find out.”

Charleston immediately stops pacing and looks at Twimby.

CHARLESTON
“Are you suggesting that we dump the body in a ditch and just leave it there?!”

TWIMBY
“Yeah, pretty much.”

CHARLESTON
“No no no, that’s a stupid idea. We should just take the body back to base, and say that the enemy killed him. Sound good?”

TWIMBY
“Sounds great, apart from the fact that we have different sniper rifles to the enemy and the bullets are different.”

CHARLESTON
“Dammit! Oh man, we are so screwed.”

TWIMBY
“How about we just take the body back to base, say we found it, and say we say the enemy fleeing the scene.”

Charleston looks at Twimby and smiles.

CHARLESTON
“That’s not half bad. You’re not actually that dumb for a Private.”

TWIMBY
“Thank you sir, and you’re not that smart for a Private First Class.”

CHARLESTON
“Shut up, Private! Get in the jeep and let’s get back to base before anyone sees us.”
Charleston and Twimby hop back in the jeep and drive off towards their base.

Meanwhile at the other base, Cracker, Eddy, Stevenson and Blake arrive back.

BLAKE
“Man that was so gnarly.”

EDDY
“Why is everything so gnarly to you?”

STEVENSON
“What the fuck, Blake? It’s fucking annoying hearing you saying; this is gnarly, that is gnarly. Just shut it, will ya?”

BLAKE
“Hmm, that’s gna –”

EDDY
“Don’t finish that sentence if you want to live.”

Blake shuts up and walks off to his quarters. Eddy and Stevenson approach Cracker.

STEVENSON
“So, what do we do about the dead guy on the road, Sarge?”

CRACKER
“Well, he said he was a soldier. So we classify this as a simple KIA. Case closed.”

EDDY
“But what about the guy’s family? Shouldn’t they be notified of his death?”

CRACKER
“Why? That would make them cry now, Eddy. Do you want to cause people more pain? Do you?”

EDDY
“No, sir, but they should know about it so they don’t wait for days on end for him to return home when he won’t!”

CRACKER
“And that is our problem because?”

EDDY
“It’s our problem because we were with him when he died!”

STEVENSON
“Eddy, shut the hell up. Let someone else deal with it, okay?”

Eddy walks out of the room muttering to himself.

EDDY
(Muttering)
“Stupid, heartless bastards.”

At the same time, Charleston and Twimby arrive back at their base, where Sergeant Epps greets the pair.

EPPS
“How’d the patrol go, boys?”

Charleston and Twimby hop out of the jeep and bring Quincy’s body with them.

CHARLESTON
“Not too good, sir. We found the Colonel’s body in a ditch and saw the enemy fleeing the scene. They killed him, sir. Shot him right in the head.”

EPPS
“Holy shit! Are you for real?”

CHARLESTON
“Afraid so, sir.”

EPPS
(Quietly)
“This is…great!”

Charleston and Twimby look at each other with confused looks on their faces.

TWIMBY
“Great, sir?”

EPPS
“Yep. You see, with Quincy dead, I’m next in the chain of command. I just made Colonel! Yahoo!”

CHARLESTON
(Whispers)
“The Sarge is yahooing.”

TWIMBY
(Laughs)
“Colonel, Charleston. The Colonel is yahooing.”

Charleston stares blankly at Twimby.

CHARLESTON
“I fucking hate you.”