Mixed Emotions

So inviting this pleasure that I'm wanting
Wanting it so bad
Crying out
Craving it
Gently I guide my hand out
Slowly, taking it gingerly
As if it's going to burn me
I feel my blood pumping
Hard and fast
Through my veins
My heart is beating so loud
That I hear it in my ears
Thump, thump, thump
I enjoy the feel of it so much
It scares me
I'm scared
Yet I still want it so bad
I'm begging for it
Pleading
Tears stream down my face
As the scarlet river flows
Slowly down my arms
I look at what I did
Angry at myself
Hating myself for what I am
These mixed emotions never seem to end
And.......
I'm sorry.