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by CAPS Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR · Essay · Emotional · #1395423
A reflection on a horrible time.
Break the mold, crack the code, fracture the system, sever the flow.

Make a difference, change the routine, defy the odds, leave your mark. For once be yourself.

It's repulsive that many of us mimic examples that pursue a less essential principle. I was once looked/talked down to because I wasn't living up to standards that I proved I could live up to. It has forever altered a few relationships to the point of no repair. Obviously my fault I have lost these people that I held closer than the ribs to my heart. They were the very pulse that once gave the strength to forge through the most uncertain of times. The adrenaline that numbed me from the insignificant wounds life dealt to me.  More loyal and dependable than anything your imagination could ever conger up. Immeasurable amounts of encouragement, and advice to correct my every circumstance. Tougher than a thousand backbones, but through my actions and lack of actions, I have reduced them to dust.

So here I am … the spineless wonder that has no one and nothing to live for.

I chose to slither along inch by inch on this path of shattered intentions until enough strength is restored to remove myself from this surface.

I chose to live on, for me, and for those who once believed.

In memory of their compassion I chose to stand up and abandon that place that used to torture me. They are no longer around to be proud of this progress, for they are the ones who gave up. Not me. I'm still here, everyday still putting forth the immense effort to continually to strive for the seemly unattainable. There is plenty of fight still left inside. The end is no where in sight, a frightening vision if you're too frail to stand on your own feet. But the past as educated me to the point that fear is just another emotion. With the absence of a solution to an overwhelming force, fear with undoubtedly destroy you from the inside out.

I vow to carry myself to the end of my dreams. Live completely happy, and never succumb to the ways of the past.  Nothing is an obstacle, for there is no affixed path which I intend to embark on.
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