how to sleep

i wonder in my bed at night
'bout what you whisper in her ear
and if she glows from what she hears
the way i always did
i wander in my head at night
through memories of you and me
and sifting through the cold debris
i wonder what was real
we had a deal
i'd put my trust in you
and you would never lie
and i'd have bet my life on you
but as it turns out, i'd have died
so was i beautiful?
i hear that i'm too thin these days
but i can't trust what others say
so i don't touch my plate
you said that we were fated
but baby, look who's moved on now
it's not that i thought you should wait
but i believed you would somehow
and that's the final grain of hope
i'll ever place in things you say.
what you must say about me now!
am i another crazy ex?
another whore who turned to sex
from living without you?
a different hole is nothing new
so don't you dare believe it is
all that's changed is now i'm his
--not trying to deny my sins
just covering my back
'cause i'm not sure what's fact or fiction
now about your last bad girl
your words are drenched in contradictions
i won't be drowned in the whirl
of righteousness.
i guess this may seem slightly bitter
really i'm not mad at all
really i'm just sad and falling
as i always was
begging love me, love me, love me
but no one ever does.
i guess it's me.
i'm on my knees again
but no man's in my bed this time
'cause i don't need their empty lines
or lies or dirty crimes
my eyes are watching God
and everything i see is mine, for keeps
so i sleep sound at last
and i'm not running from my past
i've found a love that's unsurpassed
and never lets me down
i've come around
i'm found
goodnight