Always a Bridesmaid

This is a Writer's Cramp Entry. There was 1000 words max and there needed to be an elf in an unexpected place.



Jenny plopped down on the barstool and rested her head in her hands. The bright pink taffeta strangling her body made her think that her cousin had taken the traditional ugly bridesmaid dress a step too far. Jenny was an expert on bridesmaid dresses. She had been in a total of nine wedding parties, and that wasn’t even counting the two weddings where she filled the role of the flower girl when she was a child.

“What can I get you?” asked the bartender.

“Nothing, thanks.” Jenny’s words were muffled into her hands.

“Not even a soda?”

“My cousin ordered this hideous dress in the wrong size. If  I consume anything, it‘s going to explode at the seams.”

“Didn’t she get your measurements?”

“Yes,” Jenny sighed. “But since her waist is 25 inches around, she assumed that my measurement of 33 inches had to be a mistake and ordered the next size down.”

The bartender snickered. “You don’t sound like you’re very fond of her.”

“We never got along. I think she only asked me to be a bridesmaid to rub it in my face that I am once again a bridesmaid and-”

“-Never the bride.” he finished for her. 

“Yeah.”

“Why did you agree to be a bridesmaid if you don’t get along?”

“I had to. The groom used to be my boyfriend. They met each other at my sister’s wedding, where I was a bridesmaid, of course.” Jenny sighed. “If I didn’t agree to this, everybody would know I’m not over Craig.”

The bartender let out a low whistle, “Wow, that’s harsh.” He bent to whisper in her ear. “I give it two years.”

Jenny finally looked up. She was momentarily taken aback by the bartender’s odd appearance. He was tall and very slender, with long black hair and startling green eyes. But what really stood out were his pointy ears. Jenny shook her head and laughed. The stupid dress must have been cutting off the oxygen to her brain, causing her to hallucinate.

“Craig is every woman’s dream. He’s handsome, rich, and treats women like princesses. Now that Tiffany has her claws in him, she‘ll never let him go.”

“I don’t think dumping your girlfriend for her cousin qualifies as treating her like a princess. Anyway, it doesn‘t matter. You‘re better off without him.”

Jenny put her head back on her hands. “You sound like my mom. I’d be much better off if I was the one marrying Craig today. I wouldn’t torture my bridesmaids with pink taffeta either.”

“Trust me,” the bartender was more forceful this time. “You are much better off in pink taffeta than a  designer bridal gown today.”

Jenny frowned at the bartender. She hadn’t been hallucinating. His ears were definitely pointy. “How can you be so sure?”

He reached his hand out. “Do you want to see?”

Jenny thought a moment and took his hand. If he tried to get her to leave the reception she’d refuse, but as long as they stayed here the worst thing that could happen would be that people would see her holding hands with a pointy-eared bartender. She thought it strange that a line of guests had formed by the other bartender, but no one approached this one. It was almost like they couldn’t see him.

“Ready?” he asked.

“Sure,” she shrugged.

With a snap of his fingers, the reception and wedding guests disappeared. In their place stood an enormous suburban house.

“Who are you and what did you just do?” Jenny demanded.

He gestured to his ears, “Isn’t it obvious? I‘m an elf. I‘m just letting you see what would happen if  you married Craig. This is the house you would live in together.”

Jenny took a step back. “My grandfather used to tell me stories about elves. He said they like to cause trouble.”

The elf shrugged. “Just for people that deserve it. We also help people that deserve it”

“This house is enormous! See, I’d definitely be better off with him.”

The elf shrugged. “It’s just a house.”

Jenny shook her head. “No way, let’s check out the inside. Nobody can see us right?” The elf shook his head and followed Jenny as she ran into the house. 

“Look at this place! It’s perfect!” Jenny admired the vaulted ceilings and fireplace in the living room and continued to the kitchen, where she found her future self crying into the telephone.

“I don’t know where he is, Mom. I’ve called all his friends and he hasn’t been to his office all day. His secretary told me he had her make a flight reservation yesterday for Brazil and nobody‘s seen him since. I don’t know what to do. The money’s gone from all our bank accounts, even our retirement fund. This man from the IRS keeps calling, and…“ Future Jenny broke down into sobs.

“Seen enough?” the elf asked.

Jenny nodded and took the elf’s hand. With a snap of his fingers they were back at the wedding reception, only Jenny wasn’t standing at the bar. She was  with a mass of  women waiting to catch the bouquet. Jenny caught sight of the elf as Tiffany’s bouquet landed directly into her arms. He winked at her and disappeared.

“Excuse me,” the photographer tapped Jenny on the shoulder. “Can I take a picture of you  with the man that caught the garter?”

“Uh, sure.” Jenny followed the photographer to a sweet-looking man that she recognized as Craig’s college roommate, Steve. He seemed relieved to see her.

“Are you as sick of this party as I am?” he whispered.

“God yes.”

He nodded toward the door. “You want to get some coffee at that shop across the street after this picture?”

“God yes.”

As they smiled for the camera, Steve whispered to her again. “You might want to go change first. That has got to be the ugliest bridesmaid dress I’ve ever seen.”

“Thank you,” Jenny sighed in relief.


993 words