My obsession

(I have just re-read this and have realized that it is completely stupid. It seemed less ridiculous when I wrote it. The original essay title was "“A story or drama script you are writing involves a character who is obsessed or jealous.” Write a speech for the character which shows his/her thoughts or feelings.")


Words are flying out like endless rain into a paper cup
They slid around as they slid away across the universe

What an odd room. How did I get here?
Acid  coke  alcohol  ether  gasoline  glue  heroin  weed   
How it all get here. The man is telling me to go for it but I know I shouldn’t. It’s bad. I said never again.

But I want to.

I don’t care

I want it

I need it

speed 
I want all of it
I need all of it

Beautiful sweet fumes. I like you. You don’t laugh at me or annoy me like that stupid man. he won’t stop talking. I’m thirsty but there isn’t anything to drink except the booze. But you shouldn’t
But I am thirsty. Go away. I’m ravenous. I need something to fill me up…
The pills fill my tummy. It stretches and I see shapes. It’s turned purple! I want some more pills. They taste like strawberries. I like strawberries.

I’m in a boat on a river. Why is the water blue? It doesn’t feel like I am moving. But I am rowing. Fast. I can’t row any faster.

I’m sitting on a cloud. This cloud tastes like cake. Ah, the sun is smiling at me. He is my friend. He is telling me to smile. My reflection in the water won’t keep still. I want to see it. Why is it moving?
Make it stop Sun!
He laughed at me
I am not his friend anymore
I hate him

Suddenly everything melts into a whirl of vibrant colour. It feels like I am being sucked into a whirlpool and the world is coming with me. Oh, it’s the room again, but there is more. I want more. The hunger has been gnawing at me and eating me up – if I can feed it, I will be free.
Sweet syringe. I am elated.
I love it.
And I want more.
The lines of crack are gone.
I want more.
I want to annihilate myself.
I want to blow my mind out with drugs

Acid  coke  alcohol  ether  gasoline  glue  heroin  weed   

Anything. I want it all and I want it now.

Swallow  snort  chug  smell  inhale  sniff  inject  smoke 

It’s not enough

Acid  coke  alcohol  ether  gasoline  glue  heroin  weed   

I want more

Swallow  snort  chug  smell  inhale  sniff  inject  smoke 

I need more

Acid  coke  alcohol  ether  gasoline  glue  heroin  weed   

I feel the thrill

Swallow  snort  chug  smell  inhale  sniff  inject  smoke 

I want it to fill me

Swallow  snort  chug  smell  inhale  sniff  inject  smoke 

I want it to kill me.