Beezlebub

She lay there on my bed; i thought she was dead, for i couldn't see her chest rising and falling like it should have been. I was concerned. But then her eyes open, and for a moment i see a childlike innocence before the maturity and old resolve set back in. I lean over her body and kiss her smiling lips, and she whispers to me: "you thought i was dead again, didn't you?"

I hold her hand and we interlock fingers like two gawky kids, or something similar. I tell her that her eyes are as cute as a bug's, and she smiles but doesn't laugh. I lay ontop of her, and whisper: "homeskillet, will you be mine?" like in a movie or something. She puts her hand to the back of my neck, her soft hand, and we embrace; i hope it looks like a tragic love scene in a weepy movie, but it probably looks a bit messy. I am smitten.

The sheet rolls back, and even though i'm fully-clothed i join her in bed, instead of ontop of the blankets. "You're cute you know, just like a girl in a movie.... you should be a model or a movie star", i say to her softly, but with a certain level of excitement in my voice. She says to me, sweetly: "do you think i look like Carla Bruni. Someone said i looked like her the other day." I pause, and ask her if she can sing. She says no. "Then you just might be Carla Bruni herself. Are you?"

"Your jokes are corny today. Anything wrong?" Something purple or black settles in my gut, the fact that she isn't finding me charming... At least not like last night. I excuse myself, kiss her moist lips, and go to the toilet. In there i try to regroup, the urine welling in the toilet bowl... Well, it might as well have been my self esteem welling inside that bowl. I flush.