Tainted Trust

Sick of all the pain,
Sick of all the tears,
Sick of being torn and stuck in the middle for so many years.

All the hatred and fighting has drained everything from my body and soul,
I can't go on any longer because I don't know;
What is real,
What is a lie,
Or who is putting on a show.

A show to win me over to their side,
to tweak the balance of the on going battle.

What is real?
What is a dream?

My memories are so hazed and weary from their stories and lies.
Everything is so fucked up that I don't even realize,
What’s happening to me because of their bloody battle.
It's making me weak and vulnerable to the horrors and struggles of life.

No longer do I have the strength to fight;
For what I want,
For what I believe,
Because of all their blood shed,
I am no longer me.

I am bruised and wounded and hurt,
From their screams.
I don't want them to turn me into one of their casualties.

I must become stronger;
But how?

When I can no longer trust anyone with;
My soul,
My beliefs,
My feelings,
My heart.

Their example does not help the cause to which I want to believe.

Because just like them;
You,
Will always hurt me.

No one has ever succeeded in gaining my total trust,
Because in the end they
Ruined it,
Smashed it,
Tore it apart,
With their lies and their lust.