Broken bones

So, what’s next?

I point my finger to the sky, claiming what I deserve.  I know I deserve it, but I don’t receive my share.

Maybe I am phrasing it wrong.

Instead of “give it to me”, “let me find it, let me see it.”  I know it’s here. 

Somewhere.

But after so long, foolishly demanding that the skies give me what I am entitled to, after hoping and waiting for so long, I just wish I could “find it” and “see it”, finally.

This is just too long a wait.

And these times when I think I found it, I reach out and grab it with such hunger and passion… but little do I know I am reaching for and grabbing all the wrong things.  None of this can be meant for me.

Mistake after mistake after mistake.

And these flashes of hope, happiness and excitement!  Honestly, I wish they would just disappear forever and allow me to be consistently gloomy.  The constant fall from a nice and pretty place is so painful…

But someday I will break my last bone and that will be it.

You know what I want.  I don’t know how I could be more specific.  Just help me see where it is!  I’ll do my part after that.

…or just take away this stint of hope, this stint of painful and piercing hope for once and for all.