If Only They Knew

He was looking at her with hungry eyes. She was young, unlearned, and yet she held something, something intelligent, he couldn’t find within himself. He longed to be with her, around her, to talk to her. He wanted to say something that would spark her interest so he could see that gleam in her eye. The one that showed her eagerness, her desire to gain an understanding of the world around her. He wanted to anything that would somehow impress her. He wanted her approval. He wanted her to say “I know him,” to show him off, she wanted her to talk about him. He wanted to talk with this young girl because she was so bewildering and mesmerizing. He couldn’t help but look forward to seeing her. He was in love and the only thing that had forced him to hold back– even if that meant he had to lock the door and put the key away– was the age difference. People didn’t understand. They couldn’t and now he was in jail. Put under psychiatric watch, forced to see a therapist and a psychiatrist. He was looked at and talked to as if he was some sick-minded, disgusting pervert. People looked at him as if he was the scum of the earth, like he had done something despicable, like he deserved to roasting in hell and receiving the Devil’s worst punishment.
It didn’t help his case to admit that she consumed his thoughts more than anything else had. What was she doing? What was she thinking? Was she thinking of him? What had they done to her? What had she said? Was she being forced to see a therapist too? Was she living a life where he didn’t exist? Where he never had? What was she feeling? Had she felt it? Had she felt the same way? Had she given any thought to anything revolving around him? Was she well and alive? Wad her life better now that he was gone? Where was she? What did she think of him? Especially now, especially after all that had happened? Did they convince her that he was bad? That he had done something wrong? Had this even had an affect on her?
People looked down on him for his thoughts. They shuttered at what seemed to be an obsession. They hated him for being so consumed and wrapped up in his desire. It frightened people whenever he opened his mouth to speak. They were afraid of having to hear him say something about her that would churn their insides. Even the other inmates– here for killing people– looked down on him. Why did nobody believe him? Why wouldn’t they listen? He didn’t do anything. He wasn’t supposed to be here. Why hadn’t they listened to her? Of course, she my not have said anything worth listening to. She may not have said anything that could get him out of here.
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She stared at him so intently that people were afraid of what she would do if they broke her gaze. They didn’t understand why she wanted so badly to see him. After what he had done, they couldn’t believe she could stand to hear his name muttered. It was a sad set of affairs, the way everyone looked at her. They felt sorry and worried. They pitied that this had happened to her. Except, this hadn’t happened to her. They simply didn’t listen to her, thinking everything she said was because he had messed her head up so badly. Don’t they get it? He was what she had wanted so many times before. He was her knight in shining armor. She loved him in a way that nobody had ever seen before, this was a love that nobody had ever known. This. . . . was different. People just didn’t understand. Yes, there was a big age difference but that was the beauty of it. That was why it was so unique. That was why she loved him. She couldn’t understand why people had looked down on this. If they new what it was like, if they could just feel it, if they would just listen– they would see. It’s not wrong, it’s beautiful. It meant more than anything ever had. She loved him because he was always happy and excited to see her. He had always had something new to tell her, she adored that. What got her the most was the way he listened to her. There was no doubt in her mind that he absorbed every word she had to say. He listened so intently, leaning forward and concentrating. Asking questions and waiting until she was completely finished. He would respond to what she had to say, tell a story or say something that would give her insight into who he was as a person. He didn’t hold back just because she was younger than him. He was the only person ever to do that, and what was so bad about it? She couldn’t understand why other adults weren’t like this. The other thing that made her giddy when she had something new to say was that if she was wrong about something, if there was a need to correct her, he would kindly interrupt her. Then he would say that he had heard differently or when he was taught about that they said differently. She would be able to admit her mistake without feeling degraded or belittled. He didn’t feel the need to be superior to her like most adults did. She almost looked forward to these moments because he always had a gleam in his eye that told her he was happy to help out. What was really great was when she could return the favor and let him know when he had the wrong information about something. He never got defensive. Unlike most people older than her, he had accepted that age doesn’t always mean wisdom. He was just as happy to learn from somebody younger as her was to learn from somebody older and more experienced. She almost looked forward to these moments because he always had a gleam in his eye that told her he was happy to help out. She looked forward to every moment with him. He was one of the few people who let her in. He was the only person who could be the comfor-tor and the comfor-tee. He was the only person who let her stay angry for a while before he helped her solve his problems. He was the only person who saw her at her worst and wouldn’t see her as less of a person, but instead, more of a person. He saw her as a stronger and wiser person because he knew that she learned. Many people simply felt she wasn’t wise or strong because she was young and struggled. What was amazing was how he could come to her for advice. Even though she was younger, he could still learn from her and still come to her for comfort. He knew that everything she ever said either wouldn’t be said by an adult or wouldn’t come out the same way or at the same time. Adults had lost something along the way and because she was still young, she saw the world differently and made things a lot less complicated sometimes. Often times what she said sparked a thought in his brain that became the answer to a question or struggle that he was having. He took her words and used them as a stepping stone. That was another thing she had taught him. You see, a lot of people ask around for the answers to their problems but rarely do they find the right one. Everybody solves things differently and deals with them differently. It may be satisfying to you but another person may not have the same results and therefore not find it nearly as satisfactory as you did.
Their relationship was special, it was different. Each of them desired the same things out of the other. Each of them gave as they wished to receive. They were perfectly parallel yet intricately intertwined. Both craving the approval of another little bits at a time, they wanted to hear what the other person thought every once in awhile. They didn’t want to spill how they felt all at once because that wouldn’t leave no wonder, no curiosity. There would be no reason to talk to them anymore. They already knew everything. Both felt weird when they had shared how they felt about somebody while the other person said nothing. They felt in-superior. Their relationship was great because they both knew how the other person was feeling. Both benefitted from the knowledge and wisdom that came from the other’s age– young or old.
Both were now on opposite ends of a stick. Separated by people who didn’t care and wouldn’t listen. By a group of people that kept growing, pushing them further and further apart. Each one on their own end and in their own world, confused and totally alone even when surrounded by people. Each consumed with thoughts of the other. Each wondering the same things. Each hurting with the pain caused by emptiness and aloneness. Each forced to seclude themselves for protection from the thoughts of everyone else. Each with a whole that the other had once filled.