When your secret is stumbled upon, by the one you love. |
A friend, Sally (not her real name) had shared her grieve when her husband stumbled upon her darkest secret. This is her story….. I had never been this embarrassed before. Although we’ve been married for five years, there is something about me that I not at any time, want my husband to know. My dark secret, which I’ve kept really well for the past two years, has been discovered by him. Oh god! It’s such a shame! I’m a very adventurous woman. I get bored with simplicity, and I always yearn for something new and exciting. My husband on the other hand, is unsophisticated and boring. I don’t get enough satisfaction in my love life, and I’m constantly left alone, as he’s always busy 24/7. Most of my time is spent on cyberspace, brow- sing adult sites and playing online games. At one time, I hit upon a website that allows me to seek friends or sex partner for cybersex, phone sex and skin on skin trial. I’m tempted, and decided to register as a member. The fun started and I just couldn’t get enough. I began chatting most afternoons, and I enjoyed being seduced by men that I don’t even knew. After awhile, I made up my mind to go out to explore. I met up with a guy to have fun, joy and fulfilment. I did the activity during daytime, and I still play the good wife to my husband, doing the cooking, washing and stuff. He did not find out about my outings, but he did asked, why I stopped calling him. I told him, its no point hitting on his number because he is all time busy. Day after day, I’m still enjoying my rendezvous. I love the technology, as it can cure me from my boredom. I don’t feel contrite with what I did. I just felt that this endeavour turn me to be a better wife because I ‘ve stop calling and disturbing my husband like I used to. I demand attention all the time and my husband, is too engaged to fulfill my needs. It might sounds weird to some people, but that’s what I felt. After about a year, I became more adventurous and started to take pictures of my naked self . I took shots of me using a digital camera, and deleted it soon after I down- load it to the computer. I stored it in my e-mail, and exchange it with my ‘buddy’. My ‘buddy’ would take shots of me before we start our drama in the hotel room. We even made short movies, and he would e-mail it to me. I became wilder and thought that I’m able keep it all to myself. One afternoon, when I was about to leave the house, my husband came back unexpectedly. He asked me where I’m going, and I told him that I’m on my way to meet a girlfriend at a café. He offered to drive me there, and acting innocent, I accepted his offer. He dropped me at the café. I waited till he’s gone and hailed a taxi to my destination. Once, he saw an s.m.s on my phone from my ‘buddy’ saying how much he enjoyed my company. I don’t have any good explanation, and so I told him, I only had cyber sex with that ’buddy’. He retorted that I’m insane, and demanded me to end my foolish pastime. Things doesn’t always go smooth, and I knew well that I’m taking a very big risk doing this indecent act. I started to have my sense back, and regretted everything. I quitted going out, and for the first time, I felt normal.My husband seemed happier for I don’t know; whatever reason and I felt much contented . Then the moment came. I was going through my e-mail on one occasion, deleting everything I do not wish to keep. My husband was home sound asleep on the sofa, in addition, his snoring assured me that it’s safe to open my ‘inbox’. Halfway through it, I went to the window for a puff of cigarette, not thinking that he would wake up. He looks tired anyway! Suddenly his phone rang, he woke up, answer the call and sat in front of the computer. I felt like grabbing the mouse and ‘sign out’ (it’s a stupidity! why didn’t I just pull off the socket!), but it will be too obvious that I’m hiding something. Then… his right hand touched the mouse, my heart beats fast and my legs shivered. After the phone, he looked at me and said ‘Honey! What on earth is this? I want an answer! please, what is in your mind when you did these?!’. I have no answer, I was so embarrassed by what he saw on the screen; it’s my obscene photos! I was ashamed. ‘Forgive me dear! those are my past, and I regret it’ I pleaded. I don’t dare to looked up. I felt so degraded and mortified. I ran to the bedroom, locked myself up and cried. I heard him screaming, saying that only abnormal people would do such things. He banged on the door and I was afraid that he would beat me. How do I face him? what am I to say?. As a wife, I had disgraced him, and I don’t think I’ll get any- more respect from him. I opened the door, grabbed his feet and begged for his for- giveness; then he cried, he really cried!. ‘I can’t accept this reality. It’s too much and it is hard to believe that you’re doing this.’he uttered. I won’t forgive myself. I don’t deserve him. Time passed, and I live with this guilt inside me. I think that I should go, as I sense that things are not as it used to be. I felt regretful and I don’t know how to redeem my- self. I’m a failure and I smeared my own reputation. I hate myself and what makes me feel worse is….. he forgave me. ends |