I Don't Want To Live Anymore

December 6, 2007, I tried to commit suicide.I took 6 Tylenol PM, 5 Advil, and 3 Zoloft.My Dad, brother,and sister were at the house..I was so upset that I didn't want to live anymore.I am only 14 years old and I tried to kill myself 5 times in the last 2 years.What started this all you may ask?January 1, 2005 I was laying in a bed with my grandma in the Nursing Home and she passed away with me in the bed with her.I woke up to find a dead woman in the bed with me..I vision that day/morning every second of everyday.When I was 6 years old I started getting raped by my ex-step-dad.I was raped for 7 years.Nobody knew anything about it until finally my Mom came home early from work and caught him.Then my mom got with my step-dad now and he treats me soo much better then anyone.My real dad left my mom on my 1st birthday.He was never around or in my life.Finally, when he was in my life he treated me like SHIT.He hit me in my face all the time.Then, I quess I just couldn't handle all the stress and I thought I was better off dead.Then finally this last week in the mental hospital, I realized that there are alot of things to live for.I have a little sister with down syndrome who I LOVE to death.I have to finish school and go to college.I want to do something with my life.I just want everyone that reads this to realize that trying to commit suicide is stupid.There ARE things to live for.You may not realize or think that nobody cares or nobody loves you but there are people who do care and who do love you so much.It took me 5 times in a mental hospital to realize I have a good life.It may not be perfect but there are people who have it worse.The way I look at it,"the things you don't think you can handle in your life,end up making you stronger."Dealing with deaths,suicidal friends,my boyfriend hurting me,getting raped, I made it through it and you all can handle the tough stuff..Sometimes you know you can handle something really bad bu tyou jsut don't want to.Trust me,,You'r not the only one out there with problems or tough decisions.I went through alot of stuff in my mife but I fount something to live for ,MY LITTLE SISTER.And you just need to find something really important in ur life like a friend,sibling,aunt,uncle,mom,dad,grandma,grandpa,boyfriend,girlfriend,etc to live for..I promise you, you do have people who care and love you very much...Thats all I got to say right now