Dear Dad

Dear Dad,

    I have been thinking of you so much today…  I always do, but I missed you even more than usual today.  I even tried to call you, but I was unable to reach you, and I can express myself so well in words anyway.  I was just thinking about how fortunate I am to have a Dad like you.  I know, I know, but I feel very sappy today.  I kept thinking about how much you mean to me, Dad.  I felt so melancholy all day, and I just miss you so much.  You’ve always been so much more than just a father; you are my very best friend.

    I remember when I finally got to meet you, Dad.  Do you remember that day the same way I do?  There I was, six-years old, and my mother decided it was time to meet you.  We drove for what seemed like days, and I was so nervous.  I kept thinking, “What if he doesn’t like me?”  “What if he just tells me to go away?”  I wondered what you looked like, if you were as mean as my mother had said, and if you ever wondered about me…  My mother warned me you may be shocked, for she had not even told you we were coming, and that made me worry even more.  I wondered so much, Daddy.

    I was reliving that moment of walking to your front door today, Daddy.  I kept looking down, trying not to hear the sound of the doorbell echo throughout your house as my mother pushed the button.  I heard footsteps, and forced myself to look up through the screen door.  A woman answered the door and she looked nice, but I thought mother had the wrong house, and my heart sank.  I can still hear the words my mother spoke, “Is Lee here?”

    “Yes, he is.  Can I ask what this is regarding?”  The pretty woman looked down at me with kind eyes.  She was pretty and seemed oblivious to who I was.

    “Yes, my name is Pat, and this is Allison, Lee’s daughter.”  Mother looked down at me and smugly smiled at the ‘pretty, nice’ woman.

    Her face looked shocked, and then, “Oh, I see.  Can you wait here for a moment?  I will go get him.”  She smiled at me and quickly closed the door.

    I could hear her walking away and I wondered if she was even going to come back.  I could not stop staring at the screen door, and my heart was thumping like crazy.  I listened, but couldn’t hear any voices at all, just more footsteps, heavy and quickened, louder and louder, until…

    The door flung open.  There you were, Dad.  I looked at you and I couldn’t believe how much I resembled you.  The round face and bright blue eyes staring at me through that screen looked just like mine!  You looked at mother, and then you turned your eyes to me.  I was so scared that I couldn’t even look away.  I wanted to run, but I couldn’t move a muscle.  You didn’t say anything, just looked at me for so long, and I couldn’t believe your eyes, they were so blue.  You must have frozen too, because we kept staring at each other for what seemed to be so long.  And then I saw those beautiful blue eyes tear up, and you smiled the biggest smile I had ever seen in my life!

    I was so shocked and still couldn’t move when you threw open that screen door…  You were so big and strong, and you looked like you were going to cry.  That amazed me.  You reached those big strong arms down, and you picked me up, embracing me so tight, I lost my breath.  As you hugged me, cradling my head, I kept hearing you say, “Thank you, God.  Thank you.”  Your voice was so deep and so safe that I let my head slowly rest on that big shoulder of yours.  I found the strength to move, and as my arms wrapped around your big neck, I breathed in the masculine ‘Daddy’ smell of you.  I hugged you back just as hard, and felt the best feeling I had ever felt in my life, a feeling of warmth, safety, and most of all, love.  Nothing else was there, nothing but my ‘Daddy and I’.  Oh Dad, that was the best feeling.  That was a feeling only a true ‘father’ could give.  That was the beginning of me, really.

    From that day on, Dad, you were there for me as much as you could be.  How long was it you said you had been looking for me too?  You worked so hard to get custody of me, and I finally got to live with you and your ‘pretty, kind wife’ Susan!  You never missed any function of mine, and you always had so many of those precious hugs to give.  They never stopped, Dad, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.  You made up for every bit of lost time, and then some.  You were always there for every trial I went through, with kind, sincere advice.  You protected me from so much, Dad.  I thank you for that too.  You were consistent with your calm discipline, always letting me know you were looking out for me.  You felt joy with my joy, sorrow with my sorrow, and love for my love.  Oh Dad, you were truly there for me.  Thank you so much, Dad.

    Well, I know you understand my ramblings more than any one else would, because we are both sentimental souls.  I just wanted you to know how much I value you, Dad.  You were just on my heart, as always, and you know how I love to express myself on paper!  I miss you so much, Dad.  I wish you weren’t so far away.  I wish I could have one of ‘those’ hugs…  Oh, how I really miss those hugs…

    I have decided to deliver this letter to you tomorrow, Dad.  Never mind the stamp, I will just take it to the cemetery myself.  I will set it on your headstone, and even though you are so far away, I know you will still find a way to read it.

                                                         
                                                     I love you always,
                                                   
                                                 Your Daughter