The Holidays

This was the first time that the immediate family had gotten together since Halloween had her little mishap. The family suspected that she'd do something. She was just that sort of person.

This year's Halloween was the worst in decades (the parade in New York was sub par, every girl, even the plus sized ones, chose slutty over spooky, and the candy manufacturers fudged around with the ingredients, making healthier treats at the expense of taste).

A representative at the hospital called Mother to tell her that the cuts on Halloween's arms were deep, but she would survive.

Mother didn't take the news well.

Halloween was the first one to arrive at Mother's Day's house. She arrived before Thanksgiving, which was odd because the feast was being held in his name, but not too odd, since he was always bloated, sluggish and tired. Mother prayed that he didn't fall asleep behind the wheel again.

"I've made candy yams," Mother's Day said to Halloween. "I know how much you love candy yams."

"I don't like candy yams," Halloween muttered. She took a seat around Thanksgiving's dining room table. The table was a present to Thanksgiving on the day of his birth. It was constructed by weary colonists and blessed by Native Americans. Thanksgiving loved the table. He loved it so much, he gave it to his Mother on her special day. Halloween hovered over the table and played with a small pile of dead finger nails, which had fallen from her nose.

"Please stop that," Mother said. She always felt disgusted when Halloween did creepy things, but considering the fresh scars on her arms, Mother smiled pleasantly. "You don't want to get any scratch marks in your brother's table."

"Let the girl do what she wants," Father's Day said. He took point behind the wheel chair and navigated Veteran's Day to his spot at the head of the table. Veteran's Day was an old man who twitched occasionally (sides effects of PTSD). Veteran's Day's vest looked as if it were covered with Purple Hearts, but he actually just wore his Purple Hearts on top of his Purple Hearts and managed to stick them in a way that looked like a vest. A Medal of Honor hung around his neck.

"Where is she?!" Veteran's Day screamed.

"Over here, Pop," said Father's Day.

"Roll me next to her," Veteran's Day commanded. Father's Day did so. Halloween could smell the old man's musk, the stench of worn boots and oiled metal. "Time's hard for you, girlie?"

Halloween rolled her eyes and allowed a spider to crawl out from beneath her fingernail and nest in the pile of finger nails.

"Time's been hard for all of us Holidays! We don't mean crap to nobody, anymore!" Veteran's Day yelled. "Your problems are nothing compared to what we went through during the Great War, so man up, God damn it."

"Dad!" Father's Day cried.

Halloween batted her pile of nails into her grandfather's lap and stormed out of the dining room.

"Oh! Wait, Honey!" Mother's Day said. She briefly glared at Veteran's Day and ran out of the dining room.

The door bell rang. Its chimes were festive and sounded like snow fall, arguing families and the moans of overstuffed Americans. Father answered the door.

A petite girl with verdant green skin and lush vines for hair stood at the porch beside a man who looked very out of place. The man was not tall, but he was not short. He was not good looking, but he wasn't a sore on the eyes. Everything about him was average. He seemed to be in the middle of everything, the epitome of normalcy.

The petite girl smiled mischievously. She threw her arms around Father's Day's waist and hugged him tenderly. "Hi, Daddy!" she said.

"Hey, April. You look fantastic." He looked up at the man. "Hello, young man."

"This is Wednesday," April said. "I met him in a bar."

"A bar, eh?"

"Yes, sir," Wednesday said. His tone of voice ranged in the middle. "I heard so much about you. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

Father smiled and shook the young man's hand and led the couple into the dining room. "How's Halloween?" April asked.

"She's doing fine, I think."

In actuality, Halloween was doing fine. Mother's Day had gotten an old photo album and the pair sat in the kitchen, flipping through its pages. Mother showed Halloween the earliest sketches of Halloween's first birthday. The sketches brought a smile to Halloween's face. It had been a long time since Halloween smiled.

Before April and Wednesday could get situated around Thanksgiving's table, their was a thunderous knock at the door. It exploded open and in came Christmas in all of her glory. Her arms were raised over her head, propping up her new, monstrous breasts. She tried to smile, but the botox froze her features into a permanent smirk.

"I'm here!" she called out. Her voice was so phony. Christmas paraded around the dining room, giving everyone fake kisses (the sort that involved no physical contact and ended with a loud "muah!"). April hugged her sister and gave her a small present. "It's like I always say," April said, "When Christmas comes around, it's only right to get her a gift." Christmas took the small package. It was wrapped in a glittering paper that matched Christmas' dress. She held the gift at eye level and looked it over.

"Sorry, Sister Trickster, but I know better than to take gifts from you."

"It's a good one," April said. Christmas only smiled and then glanced at Wednesday.

"Who's this, darling?" Christmas asked her sister.

"This is Wednesday," was the reply, and April introduced the two.

Veteran's Day grumbled in his seat. He tried to rise from his wheel chair, but his legs weren't good to him anymore and he slumped back.

"Pop?" asked Father's Day.

"Get him out of here!" Veteran's Day exploded. His arthritis twisted finger curled and bent at Wednesday. "I don't like his kind and I will not allow him to eat at my table!"

"Pop!" Father's Day yelled. He looked at Wednesday and flashed him an embarrassed smile. "He's old," Father's Day said in his family's defense. "He doesn't know what he's saying."

"I know exactly what I'm saying!" Veteran's Day said. "I refuse to eat with some lowly, stupid day of the week!"

Wednesday shifted uncomfortably on his heels. He swayed for a bit, looking at April for help. "Don't listen to him," April said, loud enough for Veteran's Day to hear (which was very loud). "He's an old man with old standards. He doesn't know anything."

"I know more than you, you damn Fool's Day! That's the problem with you kids! You think you know everything!"

"I know that nobody cared about you since the Nixon administration!" April screamed.

Veteran's Day was appalled. "Get her out of this house!" he told Father's Day. "Her and her Once a Week."

"Fine!" April screamed. She stomped a ways towards the door until Father's Day stopped her. "Please," he said. "Stay. Do it for your mother." And to Wednesday, "I'm sorry about Pop. He grew up in a different time, he doesn't know any better."

From Wednesday a nod, and then, "Let's stay. But I don't think that I want to sit next to him."

"Me neither," April said. The couple went into the kitchen and met Halloween and Mother's Day. April hugged her sister and said she was glad that Halloween was okay.

The cousins weren't going to make it to the feast. Valentine's Day was taking his newborn baby New Year to the in-laws, Easter was undergoing plastic surgery (she was deeply influenced by her cousin Christmas) and St. Patty decided to go to New Orleans with his band of leprechauns. They were scheduled to play with Tom Waits and everyone was excited for them.

Thanksgiving arrived at 8:12 pm. The food had been sitting out on the table and was now cold. Mother's Day was a wreck before he came. "He fell asleep behind the wheel again. I just know it," she kept saying. Thanksgiving waddled into the home. He had broke a sweat climbing up the porch's stairs. His tender cheeks were rosy brown and they dripped with oils.

"Hey, everybody," Thanksgiving huffed. Mother's Day's initial reaction was to hit her son. "You had me worried sick!" After a few good jabs, she hugged him and covered his face with kisses.

"We were all waiting for you!" Mother's Day said. "This is your feast, after all, and it's about family coming together and spending an evening together."

Thanksgiving shrugged and said "Right, whatever." He looked at the cooling food platters. "Let's just eat."