my best friend (installment #4)

I shot out of bed and dressed quickly. My parents drove me to the hospital and we went to the emergency ward. We sat in the corridor for what seemed like hours. With each passing moment I felt like I was going to explode. He had to be okay… he had to be.
Finally a doctor walked over to us and called us into a nearby room. Because Elijah’s parents were overseas and he was an only child he’d put us down as next of kin.
“I’m afraid the news isn’t good” he said slowly
No… he couldn’t be gone, this couldn’t be happening I looked at my parents who put there arms over my shoulders
“Although Elijah is still alive, the accident has not only battered his body but also his brain. The physical scars will heal with time, but Elijah is in a coma and we don’t expect him to wake up. He’s breathing on his own. Which is good. But it also means that until he either dies, or wakes up he will stay in that bed”
He wasn’t gone, but he wasn’t here either. I walked backwards into a chair and sat down, my legs no longer strong enough to hold me up.

I went in alone to see him; I sat beside me and held his hand. He had bruises on his arms and a large cut on his head. I put my head on his hand and cried.
“Elijah, you have to wake up… I need you… we need each other. I love you so much Elijah. I’ll love you forever. I promise I won’t rest until you wake up.”

But Elijah didn’t wake up. Days past, everyone visited, Elijah’s parents visited for a week, but still he lay there, sleeping. We got a guitarist for the band and entered the battle of the bands. But it was hard to try to live a normal life, with out Elijah standing beside me I felt lost. We won the competition and I took the trophy into the hospital room. We’d put a lot of Elijah’s things in the room, the doctors said that if he ever did wake up, it would help to see familiar things around him.
Jacey designed the dress I had to wear and I modeled it for her, and she won the scholarship she’d been after, Jodie met a new guy and they’d begun dating. Most importantly Vincent had pleaded guilty to rape and was sentenced to 10 years imprisonment. I didn’t care about the sentence, I only cared he pleaded guilty. Which in my heart meant that one experience had nothing to do with me.
Elijah had been in a Coma for 4 and half months when I graduated. One morning four weeks after school finished I was sitting beside Elijah like I had every morning and was talking away when I heard
“Madison?”
My head shot up to Elijah’s face his eyes were open and he looked confused
“Eli? Omigod… your awake” I whispered tears beginning to surface
“What happened? The last thing I remember was leaving your house to get breakfast”
“You were in a car accident,” I whispered still reeling in shock
“I feel… fine, a little woozy… but fine… are they just keeping me in for observation?” he asked not realizing he’d been in a coma for the last four months.
“You weren’t fine at first. You had broken bones and cuts and bruises, but they’ve all healed now… Elijah you’ve been here for four months” I whispered gently holding his hand
“Holy shit. Wow… so I missed you graduate,” he said sadly
“OH… that doesn’t matter Eli, this is about you”
“I still… I would have loved to be there Maddy”
“I know. Look I’m going to go get the doctor”

I left the room and quickly pulled a doctor aside, the doctor almost didn’t believe me but as I stood in the reception Eli’s buzzer went off.
“You were the only one in there” he whispered

The doctor ran in and Elijah grinned
“Uh… can I sit up… my ass feels numb… like four months of numbness”

The doctor hoisted the bed up and then told Elijah he was a very lucky guy. As his Coma was unexplained they had decided that he probably wouldn’t wake up from it. As I already knew the brain scans had come back fine.
But nonetheless the doctor seemed happy Elijah was awake and seemingly well.
I made a few calls and told me parents and friends Elijah was awake, Jodie and Jacey who had been out of town getting ready to start college after summer were on their way back. I let Elijah phone his parents.
Elijah got out of bed for the first time in four months and looked in the mirror, the scar that crossed his chest from his shoulder about 20 centimeters visible. He brushed his hand across it smiled
“Well…. I’m glad I was asleep even if no one else is… I have a feeling I had a few needles huh”
“You got that right… um… I think the nurse is going to help you have a shower now. I’m just going to go wait in the room,” I said backing out of the bathroom
“Wait… um... Thanks… you know for being here when I woke up. It means a lot”
“Okay… uh actually. I might go home and have a shower myself… uh… my parents will be here soon and Jodie and Jacey are only an hour away. I’ll seeya later” I whispered I’d suddenly begun to feel very strange, my best friend was alive and well…but I felt like something was missing
“Oh… okay then… you know, you could save time… and have a shower with me… I’m sure I’ve got some clothes you can borrow” he grinned
I rolled my eyes and laughed an awkward sort of laugh
“I can’t… what I said before… before all of this happened… it still stands Eli. I’m not ready for anything”
I walked out and left the room. I barely believed what I was saying anymore. Over the last few months I’d learnt to deal with the attack, I guess you could say I’d made my peace with the whole thing and moved on. But I’d almost lost my best friend, four months ago and I definitely wasn’t at peace with that. I couldn’t bare the thought of losing Elijah as my best friend… let alone as a boyfriend, a lover. No I needed to be alone. Because I am selfish, To selfish to let go and love someone even though it may only last a day… or a year or more. Because I was shit scared I’d lose them.

When I got home, no one was there. My room was spotless… as it had been for the last four months. I never spent much time at home anymore. So I never really had the time to mess it up.
I grabbed some clean clothes out of my drawers and walked from my room to the bathroom. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t over the moon about Elijah being okay. I mean I was happy he was okay, but for some reason I felt scared and it was like I was holding back. I hadn’t dealt with my feelings even though everyone else tried to get me to open up. But it didn’t work; it was like I’d reverted back to my old self all right. Back into the tomboy shell, pretending none of that stuff affected me; unfortunately for me… it really was a farce now. I’d changed even though I said I never would and even worse now I was trying to pretend to be something I wasn’t. Elijah didn’t deserve this. Tonight I’d tell him I wasn’t into him any more I was confused. But now I’m not. Of course I am still very much in love with him… but I am confused, more confused than ever before in my life. Torn between being with him, trying not to fuck it up and running away from him. Afraid to lose him completely I made the decision for the latter.
I got changed and drove back down to the hospital. Jacey, Jodie, Nellie, Jasper and my parents were already there. Everyone was talking and Elijah looked really happy.
“So when are your parents coming over?” My mom asked
“Next week. They’ve got conferences all week I told them I’d find someone to look after me until they get back” he whispered looking over in my direction. Everyone stopped and looked at me, waiting for me to say I’d look after him. I frowned and shook my head.
“I can’t Elijah I’m uh… really busy this week. College interviews and stuff” I lied
Jodie frowned and looked at Nellie Elijah sort of nodded and looked over at Nellie and shrugged.
“Um… I’ve got to go” I muttered chucking the magazine I’d brought with me for Elijah on the table beside the bed. I walked to the door and then Elijah said
“You just got here, can’t you stay a bit longer?”
“Um… okay I’ll be right back I need a coffee”

I left the room and walked to the cafeteria then ordered a coffee. By the time I’d sat down my sister and Jodie had shown up and sat down next to me
“What’s your problem?” Nellie asked calmly
“Nothing”
“you just blew your best friend off for help… that’s a little more than nothing don’t you think”
“You’re telling the story. Look I’m really busy this week I’ve got to go to New York on Friday. Plus Elijah isn’t an invalid… he doesn’t need me”
“You’re not busy Maddy. Dad told me he found you’re application forms to college stuffed behind you’re desk”
“Oh…” I whispered realizing I’d been caught out in a lie
“Yeah” Nellie said knowingly
“Look I can’t help him okay. I’m not a good friend for him; I’m not a good anything. He’s better off with out me. The reason I can’t take care of him is because I care about him… and because I care about him… I’m moving”
“That’s utter bullshit Madison” Jodie said shaking her head
“Believe what you like… I’m going. And the reason dad found those application forms stuffed behind my desk is because I don’t want to be what he wants me to be. I’ve applied at the College of performing arts. They’ve accepted me. I start after the holidays,” I said half honestly. While I’d enrolled in the college I’d yet to here back. I’d applied late and didn’t have an interview my admission into the school was based solely on my talents.
“Wow… I guess you’ve got everything you want then huh… look just don’t get upset when Elijah moves on with his life,” Jodie said standing up
“Because he will move on Madison. He will find someone else”
“I’m not stupid. Did you ever think that maybe I want that? I’m to fucked up okay. He doesn’t need that”
They both walked off and I buried my head in my arms. After half an hour I went back to the room. Everyone had left and Elijah was facing the window.
“Um… Eli?” I whispered
“Yeah?” he answered quietly
“I’m sorry I ran out before”
“I don’t care anymore Madison, you’re free to do what you like” he whispered flicking the lamp off beside his bed
“I’m tired Madison, I think I might sleep for awhile” he said in a sad tone
I stood in the doorway for a bit then turned to leave
“I do love you Elijah. I’m sorry”

Elijah didn’t say anything so I left. What had I done? God I was full of it. I couldn’t even explain to myself why I was pushing him away. When he’d be in the coma I prayed like a crazy person that he’d wake up so I could hold him and never let go. But now he was awake I was doing the opposite. I drove to the beach, I couldn’t face anyone at the moment mainly because I didn’t have an explanation for my actions. After an hour I went home. It was 10.30 yet everyone was still up and jacey and Jodie were there also. I slipped past everyone and went to my bedroom. Either noone saw me, that or they didn’t want to see me.

There was a knock at the door an hour later. Ah so I had been seen.
“Yeah” I mumbled
Jodie opened the door and walked in
“Oh…”
“Madison. I’m sorry I was a bit nasty at the hospital. It’s just I’m confused… we all are, you know you can talk to us right”
“It’s okay Jodie. I deserved it. Your right I’m full of shit. I don’t even know what I’m thinking anymore okay. Bringing Elijah… and any of you into it for that matter isn’t fair. I know it doesn’t make sense to you Jodie. But I can’t help that because it doesn’t make sense to me. I can’t lose Elijah… I’m to selfish Jod’s it’s not programmed into me to let go of him… ever.”
“So your pushing him away… you’re losing him anyway”
“But I’m not losing his love… were not involved.”
“You are… losing his love Madison. But more importantly Maddy, You’re losing his friendship. He needs you, more than anything right now and your walking away from him. I’ll never understand this Madison. I know you guys are in love with each other… isn’t that enough?”
“No… Jodie. I don’t think it is”
“I’m here if you need to talk. But think about it. It is enough Madison. Before any of this at the beginning of this year not even petty fights drove you two apart. You almost lost each other. You should be embracing the fact you still have one another. Not pushing it away”
Jodie got up and left the room. She was right. Elijah had almost lost me after the attack. He’d been there so strongly for me and here I was pushing him away when I should’ve been returning the gesture. I got out of bed and grabbed my jacket. It was 12am, Elijah was probably asleep but I had to fix this. I couldn’t pretend what was there anymore. So what it we didn’t work out, our friendship would always be there.

I drove to the hospital and walked into Elijah’s room. He lay there sleeping and I sat on the chair I’d sat on every day when he’d been in the coma though this time he wasn’t attached to iv drips or beeping machines, he really was okay. The shock finally sunk in and I buried my head into the bed and began to cry. How could I begin to think that I could walk away from him?


“Maddy?” Elijah croaked his hand brushing my head
I looked up at him, tears furiously running down my cheeks
“Hey… what’s the matter?” he whispered worriedly
I shook my head and took his hand in mine
“How come you’re so caring… all you do is make sure I’m okay… you could’ve died Eli,” I whispered
He took his hand from mine and lifted my head up and looked deeply into my eyes
“But I didn’t Maddy… I’m healthy… fit as a fiddle”
“I know… but I was scared I was going to lose you Elijah. Scared that you’d never wake up and I’d spend the rest of my life wishing I’d taken back everything I said before the accident”
“What do you mean take it back Maddy, you didn’t know what was going to happen. You were honest with me”
“I know… but I still would have wished I could take it back. What I said before in the bathroom… wasn’t true Elijah. I was just scared”
His eyes widened and he sort of smiled
“So what made you have this change of heart?” he whispered.
“Jodie actually. When I got home she came and talked to me, I’m afraid of losing you Eli. I don’t know what I would do I’ve I’d lost you in that accident. I guess I thought that if I pushed you away… It wouldn’t hurt as much if I did lose you”
“Oh Maddy… I understand I think, but you have to know no matter what happens to me I will always be here for you. Whether I pass away or we don’t end up together… you will never ever lose me… because I will always be there” Elijah had tears in his eyes as he spoke, his hand reached out to my face and he wiped away the fresh tears I hadn’t known were there.
“That’s why I came Eli. You have always been there for me… before all of this happened and I know you will be for years to come. I will be too… and that’s why I’m here. I’m in love with you Elijah… and even if we don’t work out… I wanted you to know I’m ready if you’re still in love with me”
“I will always be in love with you Madison… how could I not be”
I jumped up and wiped the tears from my eyes and leaped onto the bed my arms wrapping around Elijah embracing him how I’d wanted to all those months ago. Our lips met and this time I knew it wouldn’t be the last time.

Lying in each other’s arms we talked and talked and sometime early into the morning we fell asleep. When I woke up the first thing I saw were Elijah’s deep blue eyes looking gently at me, he had a half smile printed across his face and his hand was stroking my back.
“Morning beautiful” he crooned kissing my forehead
I giggled like a little school girl then immediately blushed
“Uh… girly moment of the day… Morning yourself”
Elijah laughed and put his head back down on the pillow I rested my head on his chest and curled my finger through his now neck length hair.
“I need to get this mop cut… four months of hair growth and I’m like a woolly mammoth… everywhere”
“To much info… actually… I guess its not anymore huh. Well your face never got the chance to get hobo like… I shaved it twice a week”
“You shaved it?” he asked surprised
“I sure did… the nurses were going to… you know to keep you looking… normal. But I offered”
“You touched my face twice a week for four months… lovingly shaving my facial hair… you really are my dream girl!!” he joked
“You’re funny. Look I’m going to get some juice from the café do you want anything?” I asked sitting up
“You” he said seriously
“Doofus I meant foo…” Elijah put his finger over my mouth before I could finish my sentence and pulled me back into his body. His arms held me muscularly but I still felt like porcelain under his touch. A year ago this very situation didn’t even register in my life. A year ago all I could think about was basketball and my friends and how I didn’t care what anyone thought, a year ago I was a completely different person to what I’d become and as his lips pressed against my lips, his tongue gently grazing mine, I realized… it wasn’t that I’d changed from who I was. I’d just grown up.
After a little while he pulled away and looked into my eyes
“This might seem like an odd time to ask… but what happened… with Vincent?”
I lay my head back against his chest.
“He pleaded guilty. It helped a lot you know. That he accepted that he’d done it. I never cared about the sentence. But I’m glad he has to do some time, maybe it will prevent him from ever hurting anyone again, maybe he’ll become a better person” I whispered honestly
“And how are you coping with it all?”
“I’ve made my peace with it. When you had the accident I needed to focus on you it made it easier to cope, and now although the memory will always be there and although it will always remind me of a dark time. I feel okay”
“I’m really proud of you Madison” he said simply “now… the café I’ll have a juice and one of those panini things… the hospital dinner sucked last night I can only imagine what the breakfast is like” he grinned
I sat up and laughed before saying
“Cold soggy toast, dry cereal and a rotten banana… mmm tempting” I teased
I walked out of Elijah’s room and down the corridor to the Café; I’d always found hospital food to be amusing. While the food in the café was pretty good the food they served the patients always seemed…. Like it had been sitting there for days.
I bought two juices and a smoked chicken Panini. I walked back down the corridor before I got back to Elijah’s room a med student with books galore suddenly crashed into me sending the juices and books everywhere.
“I’m so sorry!” the young guy said handing me my juices as he collected his books
“No harm done… honestly, now I don’t have to shake the bottles” I laughed helping him with his books
“I’m Ethan… well doctor Thompson as all my patients call me, but I’m still getting used to it, I’m only an intern at the moment”
“Madison… and I’m nobody… uh well I haven’t studied yet” I chortled
“Well nice to meet you. Uh maybe I’ll see you around sometime”

I walked back into Elijah’s room, his breakfast had been delivered and he was playing with the contents with a very disdainful look on his face. I handed him the Panini and juice and he sighed with relief
“What would I do without you?”
“Walk to the café yourself… or eat this shit”
“Thank you babe,” he whispered
“Babe?” I questioned
“Don’t you like babe?” he asked opening his juice
“I like it… it’s just you know strange, My best friend… is calling me babe”
He took my hand
“You’re boyfriend is calling you babe” he smiled, I smiled back and nodded
“I suppose you’re right pumpkin” I replied, waiting a few seconds before we both cracked up laughing

The doctor came in around 11.30 and told Elijah that he was being discharged. When he’d broken his leg in the accident because he hadn’t been able to have physio the doctor prescribed crutches until his leg was fully mended.
“You’ll probably need someone to help out for a little while, you might get tired quickly for a while” the doctor said filling in paperwork “if you don’t have anyone that’s available I can get some home help prescribed”
“He’ll be okay, I’ll take good care of him” I smiled to the doctor
Elijah smiled and said finally
“Well, I guess I’m all set Doc”

After the doctor left we packed all of Elijah’s things and left. We went to my house first so I could let my parents know I was staying with Elijah until his parents came and to pack a bag. It was Saturday so I knew they would be home. Once we got there I was surprised to see everyone there.
We went inside and everyone was sitting around the table looking at a big brown envelope nattering on about something.
“Hey guys… look whose been let out” I grinned taking a seat
Everyone looked up and smiled at Elijah, then back at the envelope. Considering Elijah had been in hospital for so long I’d thought that there would naturally be a tiny bit more enthusiasm and commotion. So I grabbed the illustrious Envelope and read the name on the front

Madison Spencer, it was mine, the crest at the top of the envelope was The American Performance Arts Academy. Suddenly, I looked, as Zombie like as everyone else. Elijah leant over me and read the envelope
“Oh… gosh” was all he managed to say
“Mom… Dad, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I applied to APAA, but um… it’s just what I want to do” I explained
“Honey, we don’t care if it makes you happy. We’re happy” dad said
“Don’t count you’re chickens yet dad, I might not have got in”
“Well from what you’re friends have said about you’re talents, I doubt that very much”
“I could have all the talent in the world dad, I still enrolled a month to late”
I held the envelope in my hands, I couldn’t open it, I was to afraid of the possibility of a bad outcome and I couldn’t face everyone if that happened, I would be far to gutted.
“Um… sorry to ruin it for you all but I have to open this alone, I’ll be back in a minute”

I stood up and took the letter up to my bedroom. I walked in and shut the door; I slowly ripped the tab off the envelope and took a deep breath before I pulled out the contents. I had to be Realistic, the academy was well known for the fact it only took 30 odd students a year into its school. Being that I was late I had very little chance of making the cut. Even if I’d been on time, I still would have had very little chance of making the cut.
I closed my eyes then opened them; I read the letter very carefully.

Dear Madison Spencer

We have reviewed your application for the American Performance Arts Academy and although we do not usually take on students outside of the Application timeframe, we have decided due to the caliber of you Application to waiver this and it is our greatest pleasure to welcome you to APAA. Added to this you have also received a full scholarship, awarded by the school.
Please contact the office as soon as possible so that we can get you here and settled as soon as possible
Regards
Adam Simpson
APAA Co-coordinator

I’d made the cut. I was moving to New York, to go the most prestigious Performance arts academy.
I walked down the stairs, in shock.
I got to the bottom and maybe my lack of smiling made everyone think I hadn’t made it. Everyone sort of sighed when they seen my face, and it was that moment I smiled,
“Oh… don’t look so sad, I’ll be back for holidays… Easter, Christmas…” I said grinning
I put the form on the table
“Hell yeah Maddy!!” Jodie yelled taking me into a bear hug
“We’ve got an apartment in New York with a spare room, your name is so all over it!!” Jacey said joining in the hug. After the congratulations were over I noticed Elijah was missing.
“Where’s Elijah?” I asked Jodie
“I think I saw him head outside”

I walked outside and sure enough there sat Elijah on the Step, I sat next to him and said
“Are you okay?”
“No… I’m a shit Boyfriend Maddy”
“No you’re not”
“Yeah I am, I should be happy that you just got accepted to The Academy… ecstatic, but I’m not”
“Because I’m moving?” I asked
“You’re moving 8 hours away Madison. I’m sorry but I just don’t think I can be with you like that”
“So you’re saying you don’t want to be with me,” I said angrily
“Of course I want to be with you Madison, I love you. But I can’t live 8 hours away from you”
“Why are you doing this Eli? I get the best news of my life and you’re blackmailing me”
“I’m not blackmailing you Maddy” he said defensively
“You are Elijah, because I love you too. I don’t want to leave you here but I hardly think you’re going to move to New York. So you’re making me choose. I’m sorry Elijah; I know you want me to choose you. But I can’t shun this opportunity. I’m going to New York”
“So where over before we’ve even begun?”
“It doesn’t have to be that way”
“Lets just enjoy what time we have together okay. We can deal with this when you go”

I hugged Elijah then got back up and walked inside I called the office at the school and the Receptionist said that as long as I was there in 3 weeks that it was fine. I told my parents I was going to help out Elijah and packed a bag. This was going to be hard. I was going to have to leave Elijah forget my feelings again and deal with the very real possibility he would move on. I had to try focus on the next three weeks with him, but all I could think about was how hard it was going to be to leave.

I drove to Elijah’s and walked inside, Elijah flopped on his couch and sighed happily
“Home… god I never even got to live here before the accident”
“Well I came around every other day and opened the house up, you know to air it, so you should settle in okay”
Elijah smiled up at me and patted the seat next to him. I sat down next to him and awkwardly leaned into him.
“You okay?” he asked putting his arm around me
“Yeah… great” I lied. The fact I would be leaving in three weeks had infiltrated my entire body and now I couldn’t even sit comfortably next to Elijah. “Actually, I’m not great… I’m terrible actually”
“What’s wrong?” Elijah asked sitting forward, taking his arm away from my shoulders.
“I can’t go”
“To College? Maddy you have to go, it’s the opportunity of a lifetime, I’m sorry I reacted badly. I’m just sad we won’t get to see each other as much. We can make it work Maddy”
I nodded in agreement, but in my heart I wasn’t completely sure that we could make it work.
“Would you consider moving?” I asked hopeful
“I can’t Maddy, I just bought this place, and my old boss came to see me in hospital, he offered me a job”
“Right… but you could lease this house, and there’s plenty of music stores in New York”
“The job’s not at the music store Madison. My boss, well he knows some people pretty high up. This band Instinct was short a Guitarist and their manager was on the look out, Eric recommended me. The bands based here Madison and I just couldn’t turn it down. I was going to tell you tonight, but then the letter came”
“You’re right, you can’t move, that’s fantastic Eli, Congratulations” I said smiling, he’d hit upon the opportunity of a life time, I had to be happy for him. He was right; we’d deal with this when I had to leave. But not thinking about it was hard

A few hours later I was cooking tea when Elijah came into the kitchen holding a large album
“What’s that?” I asked turning the pasta down low.
“My parents sent it to me at the beginning of this year, mom got into scrap booking and used us as her project”
I opened the cover and the first picture was of Elijah and I when I was 6 and he was 12, I was on his back and we were laughing it was a funny picture and Elijah’s mom had done a really good job.
“Why have you never shown me this?” I asked turning the page
“You’ll see” he smiled
I looked through the book; the first five pages were of us as kids they were light hearted and funny. But as I got older the dynamic in the photos changed. I got to the photo of my sixteenth birthday. Elijah was obviously drunk and I was angry the page was set in red; with the heading “forbidden” I looked at Elijah and frowned
“Your parents knew?”
“I think so, see mom asked me to send as many photos of the two of us as I could. She said she had plenty of us as kids but wanted some of us older. So I sent copies of every photo we’ve ever taken of each other. It gets worse” he laughed
I turned another page and there was a picture of me by myself. I was sitting under the big tree that had been out the back of Elijah’s old house, his guitar in my hands it was when he was teaching me to play, but I hadn’t even known he’d taken a picture, I was focused on the guitar and nothing else.
I went through the rest of the pages but they were all much the same as the first one and I didn’t understand what Elijah had meant by the photos getting worse.
Until I got to the last page. I remembered the photo being taken; Nellie had taken it on my 17th birthday. But I’d never actually noticed it to be anything more than it was. I stood holding the Guitar that Elijah had bought me oblivious to the expression on Elijah’s face; he was frowning, not happy like I’d remembered him to be that day. His mother had put the title “unrequited love”
“Oh… Elijah, this is really beautiful, I wish you’d shown it to me earlier” I said closing it
“I couldn’t Madison, you’d have clicked, and I didn’t want to face it if you didn’t feel the same”
“Well you needn’t have worried. Hey dinners ready, go grab a seat”

Elijah and I sat down and ate the pasta cabonara I had made. After dinner I cleaned up then I noticed Elijah was pulling a blanket into the lounge
“Uh… what are you doing?” I asked
“Well I figured you’d probably want the bed to your self” he whispered chucking the blanket at the couch
“Are you kidding Eli? I want to sleep with you… I mean sleep in your bed… with you” I said blushing
“Are you sure? I’d understand if you don’t want to share a bed”
“It’s not like we haven’t before”
“You’re right, well shall we?”

We went to Elijah’s bedroom and I took of my jeans, Elijah chucked the t-shirt at me that I’d worn al those months ago and I smiled, I chucked it on and got into bed. After a few minutes of laying in silence I whispered
“You know a year ago… I wouldn’t be like this Eli. I’ve turned into such a girl”
“Nah you haven’t, you’ve just grown up babe”
“I know. But I’m lying here next to you and all I can think about is touching you and doing things… I’ve never wanted to do before”
“Well… that’s a good thing” he said with a hint of excitement in his voice
“I know, I guess I’m just a little nostalgic. You know what we had is well… sort of gone”
“No Maddy, it’s the opposite, what we had has grown”

I nodded and pressed my lips against Elijah’s. We had grown and our friendship had blossomed beyond anything I could ever have imagined. And if we were going to go down separate paths so be it. But this was the here and now, and I embraced it.
After a while Elijah stopped and pressed his lips to my head
“You okay” he asked concerned
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I just thought… that maybe this was a little bit fast… you know after everything you’ve been through”
“Elijah, You’ve been my best friend all my life, and now I’m lying in you’re arms, in my heart you’re going to be my first, I couldn’t think of anytime better than right now”
“I love you Madison”
“I love you too”

In my heart and soul that night was my first time, and Elijah was as caring and as gentle as I’d expected him to be. We fell asleep and the next morning I woke alone. I sat up in cold fear, it reminded me of that morning I’d woken to find him gone and then the accident.
“Elijah” I yelled out
“Out here, just making some breakfast”
I breathed a sigh of relief and lay back down. Elijah walked back in a few minutes later with two plates and sat on the bed handing me one of the plates.
After we’d eaten I lay staring at the ceiling
“Hey you look deep in thought,” Elijah said laying back down next to me
“I am… just thinking about college. How are we going to make this work Elijah?”
“Do we have to do this now?” He asked a hint of anger in his tone
“I can’t get it out of my head, I need to work this out so I know how it’s going to work”
“Fine, lets discuss it now then” Elijah said coldly
“What’s the problem Eli?”
“It’s not going to work Madison… you’re going to be eight hours away, and when you do come back for holidays I probably won’t even be here”
“Then why did you say we’d work something out”
“Because I thought three weeks with you was better than nothing”
“You don’t love me…. You just used me. I can’t believe I was so stupid”
“I do love you Madison that’s why I wanted to spend these three weeks together and think about the inevitable at the last possible moment”
“Elijah. I’m sorry, I’m going to call Nellie or jasper and see if they can come help out. I can’t be here anymore”
“Why… why are you going?”
“Because if I don’t leave now, I’m never going to… I love you Elijah. And I’m sorry we haven’t worked out quite like we’d wanted. I hope the band gig goes well, maybe you’ll find some one else on the road” I said painfully.
“This is so stupid Maddy. We spent one night together… but were in love with each other, this isn’t sensible. Don’t go. Wait until the three weeks is up”
“You don’t get it Eli, I tried lying to myself. Tried to tell myself we could make it work. But you never even believed it yourself. I brought up the subject and you got all angry straight away. It’s better if I leave now. We both just not ready”
I grabbed my bag and ran out of Elijah’s room.
“Maddy wait!” he called out from the hallway, I’d just opened the front door. I closed it and walked back down the hallway
“What”
“Take this, It’s something I bought for you as a graduation gift. And every time you look at it, remember that as long as you’re wearing it I’ll be waiting” I looked at the necklace, it was a silver locket and really beautiful I put it on and with tears rolling down my cheeks I kissed Elijah one last time.

I left and went home, Nellie and Jasper went to help out Elijah and I packed, The girls were excited to find out I was coming early, I was nervous, nervous to start college and nervous to whether or not I was making the right choice.
The next day I left as I drove to New York I tried to focus on the Positive, but It was difficult, all I wanted to do was to go back and stay with Elijah. But this was my career I had to do this.