The Reasons Why

I cut to focus when my brain is racing.
I cut to make physical what I feel inside.
I cut to see blood because I like it.
I cut to see how much it hurts.
I cut to show how I feel inside.
I cut to show the red boil out.
I cut to make it all go away.
I cut to focus on the pain.
I cut to try to understand.
I cut because I can't find a way.
I cut because there is no other way.
I cut because there's nowhere to run.
I cut because I like to feel the hurt.
I cut because I don't want to stay this way.
I don't like to cut but I just can't give it up.
I try to find other ways to deal with this.
I try so hard but nothing comes up.
I try to find someone to help me.
I try too hard.
I see the red bleeding from within.
I see the pain just boiling out.
I see the bubble of red just burst.
I see now why I had to scream.
I scream because the pain is too much.
I scream because the pain is too real.
I scream because I wanted your help.
I scream because I want you away.
Then I screamed for you to stay.
I am here for you to clean me up.
I only hear you call an ambulance.
I hear the sirens ever so vague.
I lay there silent with everyone yelling stats.
I must have cut a little too deep.
I don't know what happened next.
I do know that I'm in a room with blood-stained walls.
I was thrashing around and caused a mess.
I lost a lot of blood that I cannot get back.
I think it's too late to say I'm sorry.
I hear they can't get my type of blood.
I start to see the darkness hit.
I realize forever has no meaning.
I am living in that moment.
I don't want this moment to end.
I'm thinking you can't hurt me now, not anymore.
I'm starting to feel it's getting cold in here.
I wonder if it will be like this forever.
I heard my mother say one last thing,
"Don't leave us now, don't go away"