A short comedic monologue on why you should be unclean! |
There are many, many benefits of not bathing. Though you may not realize it, the world is NOT helped by people taking baths. It is a waste of water, time, and effort that could gladly be spent on something else! For example, say you're one of those people who take 30 minute long showers. Personally, I don't see the point! Cleaning up won't make you any smarter, more athletic, a better singer, or help the poor. In fact, it may even be detrimental to society, as a thirty minute long shower takes an awful lot of water that could be used to, say, slake the thirst of Africa's poor? Just think—if everyone who takes long showers would give that water to Africans and others in need, the world would be a much more hydrated place. Another benefit of not bathing/showering is to help global warming. “How can this be done,” you ask. Really, it's quite simple. Unless you're one of those people who like to take cold showers (why, I do not know), a water heater heats the water that is used for your shower. The said water heater uses energy—energy that, if you get your electricity in a carbon-emitting way (which most people do), adds to the greenhouse gases and, ultimately, endangers the planet. A third benefit of not bathing is if your fictional hero happens to be the one and only Severus Snape, from the Harry Potter series. For those of you who have never heard of Snape, he is a greasy ball of slime whose hair makes him appear as though he has never even seen a bathtub or shower, much less used one. By not bathing, if you are a Snape fan, you will definitely feel more close to your idol. The last, but not least, benefit of being unclean is the amount of free time it will give you! Imagine not taking any more baths for the rest of your life. Now, think about how much time that will give you to pursue whatever you wish. In the time it takes you to stay clean your entire life, you could campaign for president, overthrow the government, start a charity, read lots and lots of books, get a college degree, learn how to build a mansion, build said mansion, invent the next great product, lower the crime rate, raise the crime rate—the list goes on and on! Finally, if you wish to help yourself AND the world, don't bathe. You may smell bad, but when you can become a happier, more charitable, more environmentally aware, more insert-adjective-here person, who really cares, anyway? |