Roman Sport Colour, Circa 215 CE

                        Roman Sport Colour, Circa 215 CE


         Jervius and Flavo sat in the ampitheatre, watching the foot races as the midday sun beat down on the Circus Maximus. Their togas did little to save them from the sweltering heat, and Jervius wiped the sweat off his forehead with his arm. "What time is it, do you think, Flavo?"
         Flavo winced as he glanced upwards, gauging the position of the sun. "It's circa 1:45," he concluded.
         "Has your sister moved into her new place yet?"
         "No, I plan on helping her move her things circa next Tuesday."
         "Is that up in the hills?"
         "No, it's circa the shore."
         The awkward small talk paused as the two observers watched serveral athletes parade by. "Great Jupiter!" said Jervius. "Did you see how much Thebses has bulked up since the last Circus Maximus?"
         "Yes, he's easily twice his size from the last foot races," Flavo agreed. "He used to be a muscular fellow, but now he just ripples with muscles."
         "Yet curiously, his testicles seems to have shrunk."
         Flavo blinked, paused, and slowly turned to face Jervius.
         "What?!" Jervius snapped. "Our athletes compete naked, for Ceasar's sake! I just happened to glance at his testicles by chance!"
         "Whatever," said Flavo, who returned to watch the foot races. After several moments of resisting the urge, he finally looked directly at Thebses. "Fine. So they're smaller. But what does that mean?"
         "Well, I have a theory, but I don't want to be spreading rumours…"
         Flavo waved his hand in a "come-here" gesture. "Out with it."
         "Very well," said Jervius, sighing. "Again, this is just a theory, but I think Thebses has been experimenting."
         "Experimenting?"
         "Yes, you know!" He lowered his voice and leaned closer to Flavo. "I think he's been experimenting with monotheism."
         "Monothei—!"
         "Shhhh!" Jervius waved him silent. "I'm just hypothesizing, is all. But there's no other explanation. One simply does not increase in size like that between seasons without something unnatural going on."
         "What about the testicles?"
         "I'm thinking that's part of some ironic trade-off with the gods," Jervius explained. "You know, as in, you wish to be wealthy, and the gods drop a 1000-ton gold brick on your toes."
         "Yes, I see. Or like when you wish to sleep with your best friend's wife, and she winds up in a hideous, face-mangling accident."
         "Um, yes, exactly."
         "How's Salome, by the way?"
         "Better. The bandages come off next week."
         "Did they find the rabid wolf that bit her face off?"
         "It was a raccoon, and yes. Look, the point is, I'm just thinking outside the circumference, here. I can't think of any other reason for Thebses' current physical status. I mean, who would wish for bigger muscles and smaller testicles? It doesn't add up, unless it was an ironic pact with a god."
         "So which god would it be? As you know, there are only four true gods: Bacchus, Mars, Jupiter, and Venus."
         "Don't forget Sam."
         "Oh, get real! No one prays to the god Sam anymore! In another hundred years or so, the public won't even remember there ever was a god Sam!"
         "Don't be too sure," Jerivus scolded mildly. "Sam can be a real bastard of a god when he wants to be."
         "So you think Thebses made a deal with Sam to make his muscles bigger in return for shrunken testicles?"
         "No, I think it was Venus. Only a woman would think of a bargain like that."
         The two men fell silent for a while, watching as Thebses confered with his personal trainer, Cartha. Jervius and Flavo watched with interest as Thebses turned around and exposed his bare buttocks to Cartha, who in turn dipped an arrowhead into a bowl of an unknown liquid and then used it to pierce Thebses' skin. The two spectators winced, looked at each other, and finally Jervius called out to the athlete.
         "I say, Thebses! Thebses!"
         Thebses and Cartha looked up at the waving Jervius.
         "Flavo and I were wondering why you just poisoned your own buttocks!" Jervius explained.
         "Oh, this is no poison!" Thebses called back, laughing nervously. "Just a nutrient drink, that's all! Nothing to preoccupy yourselves with!" He muttered something to Cartha, who hurriedly dumped out the liquid from the bowl onto the sand before he and Thebses walked quickly away.
         "Ask him about the testicles," Flavo prompted.
         "You ask him!" said Jervius. By the time they were done arguing, Thebses and Cartha were long gone.
         "Well, so much for that," said Flavo.
         "Yep, guess we'll never know," agreed Jervius.
         The men returned to watching the footraces, every one of which saw Thebses as the victor.
         It was another hour before Flavo spoke. "Do you think if I prayed to Venus, I could get smaller muscles in exchange for a larger penis?"
         "It might make the other gods angry," Jervius warned.
         "Do you care?"
         "Not really." And the two men set about wishing to Venus for enlarged genitalia.
         This prompted the angry god Sam to smite them with a lightnening bolt, which everyone agreed was a tad odd for a cloudless day.