Chasing Myself Around The Bed

A Day In The Life Of Super Mom, Chasing Myself Around The Bed.

Kisses  on the shoulder still make my heart flutter. My hearts not skipping any beats right now. As I grow wiser, a word much nicer than older. Old or aging is such a harsh word, well in my mind it is. Do we get or grow gray hair? I think we grow it, as we wisen up. Gray hair a sure sign of wisdom. I’m not worried about getting older (wiser). It’s more like stressed on growing up. The run on sentences just run a little longer for me. It’s not so much learning the skills of writing, it’s letting it all out and if need be in an ever flowing ongoing sentence. Now more than ever my desires run deep. My dreams of living a good life never cease to exist. It’s getting those dreams and desires to be heard and to be known to indeed become a reality. Even at the expense of a great deal of gray hair. The desire to be wanted more by your husband, yes ladies we all know it’s true. Sistas are you with me on that one? Being ignored is a fate that rips at the heart, just as being unheard. Words thrown to the winds of time seemly only heard by you. Talking to myself yep that’s me well at least I listen. The need to be touched and not just by mistake, one that you may encounter while sleeping. A grab for that beloved pillow, no I rather want to be touched in a very different way, not over a pillow that’s for sure. Unless it’s a pillow fight you engage in naked and your laughing, well naked no. I’m much to scared parts of me live in the south while others are residing in the north. Just touch me lightly, softly little kisses on the neck and shoulder would be fine. Desire me all of me north and south.

I’m leaving several legacy’s’ behind me as I go. Some of which my children hopefully will someday in wiser years understand. Those run on sentences are not just on paper. They are spoken daily now to deaf ears later I hope to be embraced and cherished. Words are to inspire and can be so mighty to the mind. Children really don’t want to hear they want to be heard. Nonetheless keep talking some of what you say will seep through and gain solid ground to sow fruitful trees of great knowledge later in life. Rest assure some of what you say and feel will no doubt inspire the young minds you brought forth into this world.
Another legacy of mine are my clothes. A great deal behind and something for my kids to crack jokes about. Stripped pants are out ma! Leave the polka dots where they belong in the closet of past lives. See I did gain some ground on em at least they have heard the term past lives. The panties I bought and tried to wear at the instance of my daughter not a thong however they wear like one. No I don’t want to look sexy at the expense of poking and pulling at my behind. Sitting to the side hurts this gal’s hip. Just give me my granny panties back! Those sexy underwear got me nowhere, but uncomfortable. The man never took notice, except to say wow that’s a big dimple on your butt. Ummmm……. Maybe I don’t always match but that’s at home who cares? So my clothes are out of date. Maybe some are even frumpy is that a word? Well it is for Microsoft word and I hear it all the time. I figure if I keep the closet of past lives full, someday the clothes within may come back in style well not the polka dots.

My long hair will be left behind as well. A legacy indeed! My Cherokee beliefs are strong and I refuse to cut my hair. I will have it cut before they bury me and my kids will each receive a braided lock of red and gray hair. Yes maybe I’ll insist that attach a polka dotted tie to each braid
Are you confused yet? A question often asked of me I insist I’m just tired. I’m tired of a lot of things being shunned by the man is just one of many. I don’t grow weary of my kids cracks at my old fogy clothes after all I taught them their humor and I can stand it. As for the man hunting deer and elk is great but I would have liked to be chased every now and then too. I’m tired of addressing issues that no one seems to care about. Okay people lets get real the air you are breathing maybe killing you. Heck I’m just tired of running around the bed pretending I am being chased.

I’m really trying here to not wisen up to fast, to let it come natural, with time, as it should. At certain times in life it seems we wise up a little faster. The sexy panties are just one example. I knew real fast the need for comfort overwhelmed me plus the dimple remark did not go over easy with me, taking five years and a heart beat off my life. Men get real comfy years into a marriage, sometimes forgetting why they fell in love and married you in the first place. I’m sure shootin it’s gonna take him awhile to remember and maybe a scare if you dare. No ladies I am not suggesting an affair. In my case I could leave for days and it could go unoticed just as if you were to lie in the middle of the floor and simply be walked over unnoticed Yes you had better believe it I did it sista, laid right smack dab in the middle of the living room floor took a while for someone to take note and it was not the man that’s for sure. It was the kid’s,  watcha doing on the floor ma!!!???? I think the man thought I was taking a nap as he stepped over me on his way to the kitchen for a beer, five times mind you and then my back started aching and I just got up. My husband once in a blue moon would ask me what are writing? See if a clue was ever needed all he have to do was read, I’m not trying to be mean but the words clue and read well he isn’t doing neither, unless he’s tracking a deer or reading a sports magazine while sitting on the pot. (Those days will not be missed) .
I think there are a lot of ladies that will read and understand the words I write. Our lives as mothers and wives can sometimes be much in the same. I just want to reach out and make you smile a little give you inspiration for the wiser years to come. Just knowing you’re not alone and you’re not the only one that’s tired! No my friends you are not alone. Seeking the comfort of having your words and thoughts heard. We all do desire such; even the meekest have wishes to be heard on occasion. . You know what? As you grow up you learn to adjust. Some adjust in different ways. I use humor and keep hope alive that my wishes for the future be lived. Humor is not used to avoid or hide from the truth, but when one accepts the truth its far less difficult to absorb, when you can add a hint of comedy. I refuse to leave this place empty handed. Writing is my outlet and it brings me here to you, just words no! I share my life as it is. I embrace the moments of chaos and love unconditionally those in my life. I made the choices. When I come to a place in my path where the choice I made was wrong I accept it and move forward it does sometimes take a while to recognize your own fault. That man sitting on the pot will be a long time sitting there. I’ll be riding my mule into the sunset. While the mans senses maybe dulled, my are alive and vibrant filled with the many colors I am.

Walk towards the sun; leave the clouds of doom behind you, even if you have to keep chasing yourself around the bed. You are all you have and your kids need you and you need them. Please never forget you are a human being. Leave well said words behind you and in front. Most people can and do understand run on sentences. If you want your hair long let it be. I can almost guarantee your old clothes will come back in style, wear em anyway especially if they make you stand out. I do however avoid garments that glitter.

I am human and thanks be to our creator I have respect for almost all things and people. The man I married was a great man still is in certain ways, he just got lost and in doing so he lost me along the way. At this time we still live together the man and I you see I decided to move on I used to be right along side him drinking and letting life pass me by sorry I can’t do that anymore. Life is far too important to blur up your vision and confuse your mind heck it will pass you by in no time. Now I drink coffee all day. Keeping my senses alert and clear as a bell. I may be chewing on my nails but I am very clear minded. The man he knows nothing about me and I know so much about him except his bank account number. I never did want his money nor did I require to be first in his life yet I never chose to be last. When the word ours vanished and in walked mine, my money, my house, my world!!! When I stopped getting cards for special occasions it hurt me as if I were simply forgotten taken advantage of. . I got cabin fever went stir crazy a time or two. The hunting trips are fine and dandy but sheese louise!!! I want to go somewhere too. The grocery store does not count the man hates spending money and let me know every day. So in the dead of night, sleepless and in deep thought I stole my heart back from the man I gave it to so freely so many years before.

I have worth and my heart deserves love and attention not a lot but enough to keep a smile on my face. Standing behind in the shadows is not a place for a super mom besides it stinks back there and its dark. No longer shall I stand behind being last in line, not this gal. I’m growing towards the light like a sunflower or better yet a prayer plant. After all is said and done a deer is, however important that it is it cannot share and be a human companion. You can call a deer a dear but I doubt it will be sleeping in your bed tonight and it sure can’t understand you. For all the times I tried to reason to make sense to let you go your merry way, you pushed me down and away. Getting angry with the woman who sat alone so many nights even when you were sitting right their makes no sense to me. I am sorry. However much I want you to come with me I know in my heart you are not available not ready to move forward your place is sitting on the front porch drinking beer and shooting the bull. That’s fine like I said before I have to accept my fate those choices turned bad. Sometimes you are alone even if a person is sitting next to you. Moving forward with a waltz no ummm rather an Irish jig.

Maybe in that sunset on that mule of mine I’ll cross paths with someone who indulges in the benefits of owning a mule. However I’m not looking still tired of chasing after myself. Hey it keeps me somewhat in shape. I have to catch up in the north. Okay so where are we at? I think I have said it all and pretty well. My few legacies and what I am leaving behind… So it’s time to go from pen and paper to computer yep I am still doing it the old school way. Until the next time just another day in the life of super mom…
Kelly Tagaban