An essay on self-pity or the agony of enlightenment |
Since I can’t sleep anyway, I may as well write down all the reasons why. Maybe if I print this out and burn it, sending out with all negative stuff that my has come out with my writing and transform my pain into unconditional healing loving energy, maybe tomorrow I will feel human again?! Here goes:- My hair feels fine, though given the state I am in, it would not surprise me if every single hair follicle on my head did hurt! (Please, those up there do not treat that as request!) My head hurts whenever I move it, especially on the right hand side. My right eye feels like someone is trying to pull it out. I thought my nose was fine, just a little stuffy, till I realized I have lost the sense of smell, which of course means I have also lost the sense of taste! My lips are like parchment and feel like two slabs of leather, no amount of lip balm has made the slightest difference. Ditto for the tongue…so even if I was the slightest bit hungry, I doubt I could eat anything cos, there is no saliva left in my body. My neck is very sore on both sides but mainly on the right…so now when I attempt to walk I look like Quasimodo cos I am squinting my right eye and hunching one soldier up to my neck…not quite dragging the feet yet tho… My throat…well given all the above obstacles that I just mentioned, I cannot ingurgitate any nourishment or medication for that matter, add to that that my throat thinks it’s the venus fly-trap and has been trying to digest its food for at least 24hrs, either that or its just simply swollen! As for shoulders, tummy, extremities, including my flipping finger tips… its just one big ache At least the coughing has only just started but I know it’s the one which brings up no phlegm, it just stops you from eating, drinking or talking cos its just bouts of non-stop coughing and leaves you feeling as if someone punched you in the sternum and as if you just did 200 abs…not such a bad idea given the flab I have still got on me, but honestly, I can do without it! And of course I get the cold sweats, which really, really is unpleasant cos of course whilst you are freezing to death, your body is sweating buckets…not nice at all. So all in all, I feel totally, totally miserable with my physical body….luckily I can escape and go to my sunny places inside my head and if that fails then I look at beautiful soothing pictures, like the one attached to this letter of complaint to the universe!!!! Well now that’s out of the way, let me truly enjoy what God has given me. The pain I am going through right now is nothing but a little discomfort that I have created by getting rid of quite a bit of baggage that I had been carrying around for a while it seems. If that is the small price that I have to pay at each stage of my journey, then so be it, it really is so little considering the gifts that I collect or receive on the way. To encounter angels such as this one each day on my path, is such a beautiful blessing and one which I shall cherish and hold in my heart, each time I feel a little down or sorry for myself. I can really see those days becoming fewer and fewer however, as each day I become more enlightened. Today I thank you Ixcell, Isis, Mary Magdalene, Brigit and Kali. Though I am confused as to what you were trying to tell me today. Never mind, I know that you will let it be clearly known to me what it is I should know. I thank you all for your patience, your forgiveness, your understanding and mostly for your unconditional love, which you give without fail to us all. I also which to thank Archangel Gabriel, Archangel Michael, Jesus Christ, Mawu, Diane, Guinevere, my Highest Reiki Master and all of the other deities that I have called upon by name or not over the past few weeks to help on my quest towards my souls purpose. Thank you, in love, peace and the blessed wonderful healing lights of the universe: The Violet Flame The Golden Healing Light The Silver Pure White Sanctifying Light of Universal Love |