David's Goliath

She smells like Rachel.

This was David’s first thought as he stepped into the room. In the two years since Rachel had died it was the first time David had compared another woman to his wife.

Joshua gripped his leg as he always did when David collected him from Kindergarten.  He hung down from a scrap of David’s jeans like a monkey would from its mother. One day he would have to stop this behaviour, he was almost five. David cringed at the thought of Joshua being teased once he got to school. He had adopted this pose when Rachel passed away, so terrified David was going to abandon him that he clung to him for dear life.

Now David grabbed him by the forearms and swung him into the air. He landed ‘plop’ onto an oatmeal coloured cushion in a dark stained wooden chair. David released his arms.

“You sit there for a minute buddy. I have to talk to Mrs Anderson.”

“Oh, it’s Miss.” Her face lit up as she smiled. Her pink lipstick glinted in the midday sun which slanted in through the vertical blinds. A single golden hair clung to her cashmere sweater, the loose end drifting around on the air. “But you can call me Alison.”

David rolled her name around in his head. Alison Anderson, Alison Anderson.  There was something rhythmic about her name that he liked.

He poked his hand out for her to shake. “David Jenkins.”

She was a refreshing replacement for Mrs Helix, who smelt of peppermint and glared at everyone over the top of her rimless glasses. David had always felt like he was back in kindergarten himself when she spoke. 

“Joshua is a very bright child.” Alison stared down at her notes. “But he’s sometimes very withdrawn.”

“Oh.” David looked around the room and sighed. He prepared himself to give the little speech he carried in his head and had become so good at delivering. “Well, his mother died two years ago, I’m surprised it doesn’t explain that in his file.” He craned his neck to see what was written on the piece of paper she held in front of her.

Her expression changed and he saw the apologetic, sympathetic glance he got from others. David wished he had not been so blunt.

“Oh, I’m really sorry Mr Jenkins, I didn’t realise…”

David smiled. “It’s okay.”

“I’m afraid Janice wasn’t terribly good at record keeping. She tended to keep information up here.” Alison tapped a French manicured fingernail against her temple and smiled. Her brow creased in understanding as she made her own confession. “I can certainly sympathise with you Mr Jenkins, I lost my husband five years ago.”

“Oh.” The confession took David by surprise. Given without pause it had put him on the back foot and he didn’t know quite what to do. His mouth moved before his brain could find first gear. Little noises escaped from his lips as if the words had been scrambled in a blender. He frowned at his own befuddled state, not sure what had just happened. He was usually so calm and collected. What was it about this woman that had him drooling like a school boy?

They meandered to the car and Joshua hummed an ageless tune as he swung his bag in the air. He seemed to be deep in thought. As Rachel would have said, he was ‘Away with the fairies’.

“You okay Bud? Did you have a good morning at kindy?”

“Ah-huh.” Josh nodded with childish enthusiasm.

“Is Miss Anderson a nice teacher?” David took Joshua’s canvas backpack and threw it over the front seat to the floor of the sedan.

“Yep.” Josh blinked and smiled up into the sun. The glare created a circular glow around his brown hair as if he sported a halo. “She’s better than Mrs Helix. She brought us cookies.”

David laughed as Joshua clambered into the passenger seat of their old holden.

That night after he had tucked Joshua into bed and read him his favourite story, twice, David fell asleep in his usual spot in front of the television. As she had done many times before, Rachel appeared to him in a dream. She was a child again, standing at peace in a golden field in the early morning light. Her auburn hair crested her bare tanned shoulders. She did not face him, but David knew it was his Rachel. A photo of this scene, taken by her father, hung in the study upstairs. She had been twelve years old, a long time before David ever wondered what it would be like to be loved by her.

But something was different about it this time; something that disturbed David as he lay in slumber. There was a second girl in the picture, shrouded in mist as she stood, waist deep in the field of wheat, a short distance away. She looked just like Rachel. Her hair was the same length and her clothes seemed to be plucked from the same wardrobe. David felt a cold chill of air pass over his spine. As Rachel turned her face morphed into the woman he knew and had loved for so long. Her green eyes danced with vigour as she smiled. When she spoke David was so sure his wife was standing next to him that he was jolted from his sleep. He sat up in his seat, his heart pounding furiously and his breath short in his throat. Rachel’s voice was so clear in his mind it was as if she had called out to him from the next room.

‘Look at her,’ she had whispered.

What did it mean?

The dream etched itself into David’s mind and he could not shake it for days.

When he picked Joshua up from kindergarten it niggled at his conscience. Alison stood in the doorway bidding goodbye to her students, wearing a knee length denim skirt, her tanned legs and painted toenails a welcome sight in the early summer morning. David felt the heat rise in his face; the guilt rise in his chest.

“Hi David.” She waved him over to the classroom. “Have you got a minute? I have something for you.”

“Sure.” David smiled and followed her into the office. She smelt like play dough and spring flowers. He breathed her in.

She passed a worn hardcover book to him. ‘Children Coping with Death’.

“I don’t want to seem like I’m interfering but this could help with Joshua.” She smiled.

“Thank you.” David was unsure of what else to say. He turned the book over in his hands then smiled back at her. She seemed genuinely interested. “Really, thanks. I’ll give this a read.” He tapped the book against his other palm.

That night as he slept Rachel returned to his dreams. When she moved to speak to him once more he willed himself awake. He wasn’t ready to hear her voice again. It made the void in his chest seem unbearable.

When Friday arrived David couldn’t decide whether it was coincidence or a subconscious decision that willed him to take Joshua fifteen minutes early to kindergarten. They arrived just as Alison unlocked the doors.

“Morning Josh.” Alison beamed as he went to hang up his bag. “Morning David.”

“Good morning.” David smiled as he took Josh’s jacket to the cloakroom. Something seemed strange as he came back into the classroom. Paintings done in bright dripping colours hung around his head, pegged to ropes. It took him a moment to realise Joshua had run off to the sandpit instead of coming back to cling onto his leg.

“Bye Dad!”

Alison’s laughter fell on him like summer rain. “He’s a different boy these last few days, what have you done to him?”

David smiled. “I think I have you to thank for that.”

Alison looked down at her hands. David realised with pleasure that she was embarrassed. Her hair was different today. She had pulled it away from her face on both sides. She had perfect, dainty ears and wore speckled diamonds in her pierced lobes. When she looked up at him the earth fell away.

“David, I wonder if…”

“Sorry Alison, I have to run, is it important?”

‘God what an idiot,’ David thought as he cut her down. He had known what was coming, but in no way was he willing or prepared to answer.

Her expression dropped a little but she recovered with grace. “No of course not. You go. I’ll catch up with you later.”

Sure enough when he closed his eyes that night Rachel haunted him again. The same golden field, the same beautiful hair, the same twin in the background, her arms bent in concentration, blissfully unaware of their presence. This time he watched Rachel turn to face him. She was so lovely with her fine brown hair and emerald eyes.

‘Look at her.’ Rachel pointed to her doppelganger. The girl looked up and stared at David. For a moment she was still the image of his wife. But the longer he looked the more she seemed to become someone else. The harder he stared the easier he could see her eyes weren’t green, they were blue. Her hair had no red highlights, it was blonde and wavy, not straight and fine like Rachel’s.

He looked back at Rachel and she smiled. Her gaze was honey and summer flowers, angel’s wings on an afternoon breeze and twelve years of magical memories.

‘She’s not me David. I’ll still be here. It’s okay.’

David woke. His heart pounded in the dark. Now he knew what the dream meant. He needed to move on with his life. Rachel was gone. What they’d had together was special and would always be a part of who he was. He shouldn’t feel like he was betraying her because he wanted something more. She would always be with him.


“Alison?” David whispered. She was standing by the doorway, watching the children.  He had snuck in five minutes early, hoping to catch her while the kids were singing on the mat with Heather.

Her lips curled into a smile as she stepped backward on ballerina legs into the office where they could talk.

“Hi David, how’s everything today?”

“Good, good.” He swallowed the lump in his throat and smiled. “I have to apologise to you though.”

She looked confused for a moment. “Apologise?”

“Yes.” David licked his lips. “You wanted to ask me something the other day and I was extremely rude.”

Her face cleared as she caught his meaning. “Oh, David, please don’t apologise.” She smiled. “I think we both know what happened. I was a little forward and you’re obviously not ready. It was my fault. Shall we just forget it happened?”

David lowered himself onto the edge of the desk so they were level with one another. Her eyes sparkled like sapphires in a deep ocean.

“Would you like to join us for dinner tonight?”

Alison smiled with shy reserve, obviously a little surprised by the question. “Are you sure David?”

He crooked his neck and studied her closely. He hadn’t noticed it before but she had a small birthmark high on her left cheek. It was so faint you could only see it when you were this close. What else was there about her he had yet to discover? Long forgotten feelings of exploring a new love surfaced in his mind.

“Yes, Alison, I’m sure.”

Her smile sent shivers up his spine. As she stepped forward her leg brushed his knee and his skin tingled. She slipped her hand inside his large palm.

“Then I’d love to.”

He looked at their hands together. She had delicate fingers, long and thin. The fragrance of her hair was like sweet, fresh cut grapes.

‘What was I thinking?’ David asked himself as he smiled. ‘She doesn’t smell like Rachel at all’.