Let's Leave it Here p3

Some months before our graduation we went out to our row in the cemetery and drank. It was the night that I first saw Paul in Tess' arms, first felt the bite of his victory. That night I rarely let go of the bourbon. I knew before I even got to campus that they would bust me for drinking. When they did I didn't take it personally. It was a perfunctory act, a grabbing at straws. They figured if they busted us that would stop the drinking and drugging on campus. It was a treat the symptom, not the cause methodology. There was no point in being upset at getting caught, I figured. I spent the entire night trying to figure out how best to cover for Jake and Tess and Paul.
"Bailey?" I turned at the soundof my name. Surprised and a little upset that I hadn't been paying better attention to my surroundings.
"Huh?"
"Was there anyone with you?"
"No."
"Really?" Interjected my dorm head, "Because you'e missing quite a bit of alcohol." I shook my head. If nothing else I could lie like no other. I looked at the alcohol, vodka, bourbon, gin and some vermouth. It was everything we needed. I thought wistfully about how the night had started so promisingly.
"Tonight you're stating in the health center. We're going to schedule the disciplinary meeting."
I nodded.

When I went to the library the next night I explained what would happen to the others.
"I'm taking the rap."
"Why'd you drink so much anyway?" Paul questioned. I looked at Tess and she looked away. Paul didn't catch the look, didn't think his Tess was capable of driving someone to drink. Tess pressed into him, her hand grasping his. I shrugged off his question. Jake watched quietly.
"Dude, it doesn;t matter. If they look at the sign-out sheet I'm telling them we split at the coffeeshop. Got it? If I take the fall there's no reason you guys should get caught up."
Jake nodded. He understood, probably better than I did, that this was how things had to happen. He understood that, beyond anything that might lie within our group there was a code of conduct, of silence that was to be adhered to. Unlike Tess and Paul, Jake and I had been public school kids until fate had plunked us in private high school.

Later, when I went out side for air Tess followed me. She stared daggers and shoved my shoulder. She made me question everything I thought I was convinced of.
"What the fuck are you doing?"
I looked at my shoew. I didn't know, then or now, what to tell her.
"You're not even in a school yet, why are you going to fuck it up?"
"Because...because you're my friends. I'm the only one they got. Besieds, Jake and Paul can't afford it." I wondered if she believed me. I wondered if her believing washed away the guilt I'd seen in the library.
"You're full of shit! You can't even look me in the eye."
She was right, I couldn't I tried to step back, afraid to be too close to her. I wanted to turn away from her, to leave her, but that ould make things that much worse.
"Bailey," she grabbed my hands, pulled me closer. "You know this isn't just about last night. You've been weird for months."
"I don't know. I need to be away anyhow." I knew I should be fighting her hold on me, but I couldn't. I looked into her eyes.
"Bailey---"
Paul walked out and I yanked my hands from Tess'. I wonder if he could read the guilt that had taken hold of me. I looked away and tried to distance myself from Tess.
"Uhm, Bailey, could you help me with my paper?" I nodded in reply and slipped into the library after Paul.