A Somber Mood

Yes, I think I definitely prefer to be alone.  Not nearly so much pain that way as happens with the rejection by others.  Sure, there are the pangs of loneliness and the sad, empty nights, but defense mechanisms come to the rescue of those negative feelings.  Being rejected is quite agonizing because you’ve put yourself out there, whereas with loneliness, you’re simply alone.  No one can cast you aside if you’re a hermit.

I have my cats, my books, my occupying activities; all of which can take place and keep me content within the space of my room.  I need not venture out into the world, risk showing my self to others, only to have them push me away.

Granted, there are a few who I have been myself around and while they might have scorned me at first, they came around and are a comfort of friendship to me now.  But there are all the more others who seem to consistently discard my personality and, thus, my feelings.

So, it is back into the cave I go, gathering up whatever pieces of myself I threw out for others to examine and tucking them away back into my soul.  The cave is small, but roomy enough, and is comfortable for my two cats and I.  Close the shades and the door, and it’s perfectly somber and fit for a mood-swing.