The (old) Age of Innocence

The (old) Age of Innocence
By
Rod Emmons

I had my hair colored yesterday.  Though it has been graying for about six years, I’ve never done this before.  But things have changed … one thing has changed.  The other day, I saw a picture of myself taken about a year ago, an aerial view, done at a reunion I attended back then, standing next to a woman whose coal black (colored) hair stood out in stark contrast to my own surprisingly grey locks. 

It caught me off guard. For the first time in my life, I felt I looked old … I mean OLD!  I see that same hair every day when I shave.  It never looked that grey to me.  Yes, I could see grey in the temples, maybe a few strands wandering through the remainder.  But not that grey!

But there it was, in startling black and white … er grey … my face surrounded by the hair of an old man.

Then as startled as I was by the picture, I was equally startled by the sudden pain that seemed to engulf all of my joints … an achey pain that surrounded my wrists, my knees, my ankles, my lower back, even up into my fore-arms.  Every known hinge now suddenly seemed inflamed. It hurt to stand up.

I felt a shortness of breath, too, not that uncommon for me considering I am a life-long smoker.  I’m COPD.  But still … all of a sudden … right then?

Then my heart jumped.  It felt rapid. 

Again, this was no mystery.  A few years ago I was diagnosed as A-fib, an uneven heart beat, compounded by a faster than normal heart rate.  But I medicate for this … oh how I medicate … four different pills per day, plus two vitamin supplements to help lower cholesterol.  But because I medicate, I rarely show these symptoms.  Yet here they were, right in conjunction with this revelation of grey. 

I was overwhelmed. I wanted to lie down … and I did … until the next morning, when getting out of bed took all of my strength and, worse, all my willpower.  Depression had set in, and it never felt like this before.

Then yesterday evening I got my haircut (shouldn’t it be hairs cut?).  As my stylist was about to begin her magic, I told her of my new found dilemma … my awareness of old age … and she responded with the sweetest words I’ve heard in years, “Have I got a deal for you!”

She proceeded to tell me about a new product they were carrying, a men’s hair coloring product that blends the grey with your natural color.  I asked, “Grecian Formula; Just For Men?”  She answered, “No, better … and best of all, as an introduction, it’s free.”

Free!
Now that’s a word I can relate to.  I love “free!”  Freedom of speech, freedom of movement, freedom of bunched up underwear, all of it … but most of all freedom of expense. 

And without hesitation, I told her, “Do it!”

Thirty minutes later, I was a new man … or at least younger … looking.  Even the Cheshire grin that covered my face looked younger.

Now to be frank, the wrinkles on my face still remained, as did the bags under my eyes.  The slumping shoulders were still there, too, as was the slight paunch that surrounds my middle.  But nonetheless, I looked younger … like in my forties (I think) … or maybe my fifties.  Whatever the case, a prior version of me was staring at me from the mirror, and I was fascinated, almost hypnotized.  I didn’t want to get up.  It was as if I’d gone back in time.

Now it’s a day later.  My fascination continues.  Even those achey muscles and joints feel better.  I think my heart rate is better, too, and as for the A-fibrillation, now it feels like little more than a young man’s flutter, the kind that comes in Spring when flowers are blooming and young ladies seem so bright and bountiful.

Think of it:  I feel great!  All this from one little bottle of hair color … a free bottle … freely installed.  I wonder how I’ll feel once I have to pay for it.

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