Helping in the Heart (improvment)

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jmj

PLEASE READ!
Ok so I know this needs work.To me it's 'cuase the ending is wrapped up far too quickley but this story is a lot like a script so the part that seems wrapped up is because I don't know what to do with it,any suggestions?




''Sarin Chambers,a girl of small town life,everyone knew everyone.In the late 50's,
where there were pop shops on almost every other corner.''And the comic book stores were the big hang outs for kids,'' Sarin told the Me.She was well in her own 50's when telling stories of her success to magazines and talk shows and decided to do one last for me.

Sarin swings the door to her house open,

-''Sarin Abigail Chambers,where have you been?Bobby called twice for you in the past 30 minutes,and four times in the past two hours.That equals six times young lady,did you know that?''

says her mother with a very serious and concerned face.Sarin starts to run up the stairs and looks back at her mother with a sarcastic look,

~''Yes mamma,i know.''
-''You can't ignore him,he's your boyfriend..''
~''Don't worry i was just at the movies.''
-''Were you with Bobby?''
~''Is that a retorical question?''
-''No,it was supposed to be a test,'' her mother pauses ''you passed.'' leaving Sarin confused and careless,
~''Great,can I go upstaires now?''
-''No,who were you with?''
~ ''I was with Bobby mamma,'' she said with an evil grin.
-''Oh,well then yes you may go upstaires.''
She runs to the top of the stairs leaving her mother totally oblivious of the fact that she's just been tricked......but then her mother realizes
-''Hold it little lady!haha you thought you would get away with it,really sweetie,who?''
~''I was with Maggie mother,honest!Now can I please go to my room?''
-''Fine,but if i catch you lyin',you're gonna get it!''
yelling from the hall, ''Yes mamma.''

Her mother was a very oblivous and short attention spand kind of woman,but in town and by her family,she was indeed,very beloved.She was an odinary woman who helped out the older ladies and the ladies her age at bake sales and what not.She was a house wife but sometimes would help out at the flower shops and the diners owned by family friends.
The next day, Mother kissed Father goodbye,and with her purse and her coat in her hand,walked out the door.Sarin came running down stairs and kissed her father on the cheek.

~''mornin' pop,''

Father fixed his tie and sat down at the breakfast table and picked up the paper.

=''Mornin' darlin'.Tell Corey when he wakes up,his sneaker is under here.''
~''What's new in the paper?''
="Ah,the usuall,a sale down at the market,another marraige form them city people..''
~''Mayor Thompson declaring war for higher prices on tomatoes...''Sarin says one of the usuall news topics...

they both say'' 'Cause they're so darn good!'' quoting the town mayor over his obsession with Mrs.Berkley's tomatoes.Sarin sits down at the table with her father,

~"Dad,''
=''Sarin,'' he says staring at the paper
~''I've been thinking about what you said,''
He looks up shocked
=''You've been thinking?''
~''Dad!''
he clears his throat
-='I mean,you've thinking about what I've said?''
trying to stay serious Sarin gets back on topic
~''Yeah,about what I want to be when i get old like you,''
father lets out a slight chuckle
=''And?''
~''And,I want to act.''
=''Excuse me,you're sixteen,i thought you gave that up a long time ago.''
~''No dad,that's why I'v ben in so many plays,as practice.''
=''No,the answer, is no.''
~''But why dad?you don't seriously believe that old man about all actress' going to hell do you?
father gets up from the table and gets his breifcase
=''This discussion has been over since you were eleven Sarin,do not bing it back!We said your choices are in this town,you wanna be somethin thats makes a lot of money?Well,we need lawers,be a lawer.''
~''But dad i dont wanna act 'cause it makes good money..I mean,to me it's just a bonus i guess.''
=''The closest you're getting to being in the movies are the movie theaters''
~''Fine you want me to be a lawyer?''

He stops and turns around to look at her

=''No objection from me''
~''Ok,give me a role and a script of me playing a lawyer,and with some really great lines,I'll be the best lawyer you've ever seen.''
=''It's 7:45,I'm late.Tell your brother to take out the trash.''

Father then walked out the door.
Her brother,fourteen years old and helps out at some local stores as well for some extra cash.Right now her brother Corey was lying in bed dreaming about who knows what,

~''Corey!Corey get up!It's 11:00 your late for your job!''

Actually it was only 9:00 but she said that because he wouldn't get up any other way.He ran down staires throwing on his shirt.

:''What the heck?!why're you waking me up so late?!''

Sarin was making breakfast and Corey was panicking,he couldn't find his left converse,then realized what time it was.

:''What?it's only 9:00?''
~''Eggs?Oh yeah,and dad wants you to take out the trash.''
:''Ugh,umm,yes please you makin bacon too?''
~''hmmhmm.''
:''Cool.''

After he calmed down,he realized his converse was under the breakfast table.Sarin joined him at the table and they both started eating their breakfast.

~''Corey,''
:''huh?
~''What you think about acting,about me......acting?''
:''I think you could do it.''

Shocked,Sarin looks up at him

~''Really?''
:''Since you were ten.''

Corey kept eating as if they'd talked about it a million times before.
Soon after they finished their food and got ready for the day.Corey took out the trash and Sarin washed the dishes.They both walked out the door at th same time,said,''See ya later!''Then went their seprate ways.Corey went to the comic book store to help out Mr.Samson.Sarin,went to the movies.

~''Hey,Maggie,hey Bobbie.''
both-"Hey Sarin''
maggie''So what do you guys wanna see?''
~''Umm,actually,you guys,can we go somewhere were we can just talk?''
B-''Fine with me.''
M-''Ok.''

They went to the nearest soda shop and sat at the window.

waitress-''Ok,what can I---(looks up)oh hey guys,what can i getchya?''
M-''Hey Sherrie,can I get a cheeseburger,and.....a sherlie temple with extra cherries.''
S-''Sure thing,Bobby?Sarin?''
~''Oh nothing for me.''
B''I'll take the same as Maggie.''
S-''Okiedokie.Sarin,you sure you don't want anything?''
~''No I'm fine thanks.''

Sherrie was a close friend of theirs,a bit older but they practically grew up together.
She took the orders and left.A few minutes passed and Sarin felt ready to pop the question.

~''Uh,guys?''
S-''Ok,here ya go,you know the drill,I'll be back.''
M&B-''Thanks.''
~''What do you think about me being an actress?''
M-''You're good.''
B-''Uh-uh,you're great.''
M-''Right.''
~''Thanks guys,but I mean somethin' bigger than the school plays.''
B-''Like what?we ain't got no community theaters.''
~''Bigger.''
M-''what?like the movies?''
Sarin smiled.
M-''No way you're crazy,those people are nuts.''
~''You sound like pop,don't you trust me?''
B-''Yeah Sarin,c'mon think about it.''
~''I have guys!For six years!''
M-''Look Sarin I love you,so if you wanna be famouse,become the town's first female doctor.Mr.Hanson and Doc.Richardson can't do it all by themselves.''
~''I don't wanna be an actress to be famouse,I want to 'cause I love to act.Like I said to my dad,give me a script and I'll be your doctor.''
M-''Sarin.''
~''You know what,gorget it.I have to go.''
B-''Sarin wait!''

She walked out the door and went to the comic book store where Corey was.He loved to work there except for the owner's son.

~''Hey Corey.''
C-''Hey,what are you doing here,I thought you were going to the movies.''
~''Change of plans.''

The son was Walter.He liked to brag a lot about the fact that his father owned the place.He had a thing for Sarin too,but wouldn't dare try to get to her through Corey.
He walked up to them embracing confidence that Corey wouldn't pick on him with Sarin around.

W-''Hello Corey.Sarin you look lovely today as always.''
C-''Oh hey Walter.'' He grinned with pleasure.

Now, he knew that Sarin wouldn't do anything but laugh,so he pulled out a pack of gum and started chewing obnocsiouly.You could hear the gum disolving into sugar crystals and rotting away his teeth,he was chewing so hard.

W-''Must you chew so hard?''
~''Hi Walter.''
C-''Yeah I really like to piss off my dentist.''
W-''You know,as I recall,you could brake jaw chewing like that.''
C-''Oh yeah?''
W-"Yeah.''
C-''Where's your proof?''
W-''Well I don't have any yet,but when I do,you gotta give me your gum.''
C-''Oh is that so?What,have I made it seem oh so appetizing to you?''
W-''No,'cause it makes me sick,anything to make you stop chewing that stuff.''
C-''And if you don't?''
W-''Uh....I'll give you a free comic book.''
C-''how 'bout,the whole store uh?''

Fading in the backround the argument went on,in the meantime Sarin walked around waiting for the it end,about ten minutes later Walter gave up and walked out shaking his head and mummbling.Laughing,Sarin walked back to the counter to talk to Corey.

C-''So what happened?''
~''They didn't believe in me either.''
C-''Have you talked to mom?''
~''No,it was you then them,and i just walked out and came here.You do know I meant acting in movies right?''
C-''Is there any other way?''

Sarin stayed there helping out Corey and they left together.They went home and did stuff they usually would.Sarin left the subject alone for a few days and went about her daily routine.Nothing much happened those days but she was dying for an adventure to come her way,or even just a thought that maybe she could approach a director about and he would make her the star of the film.A week later Sarin had a dream,soon enough she made a script for it just as she'd been telling people.4 months passed in this process adn Sarin decided to tell someone about it.

~''Hey mom,dad.Can I talk to you about something?''
M-''Of course honey...''
D-''Not now I'm busy.''
M-''Sweetie!''
D-''I'm kidding,go ahead Sarin.''
~''Well you know,about me and acting..''
D-''Sarin don't you dare bring this up again!''
M-''Honey,we know you want to be an actress,but auditions and agents cost money too.''
~''I know but that's what I wanted to talk to you about,I have a story.''
D-''What do you mean?''
~''I wrote a story and I talked to a director on the phone and told him the plot and he said he was interested in meeeting me and seeing if he thinks I'm strong enough to act!''
M-''Oh that's great honey!''
D-''No,no no no.You are not going to see some whack job man who thinks he can judge my baby girl.No.''
~''Dad?''

The rest of the night was quiet,Corey wasn't present in the conversation but heard from the top of the steps and felt he should say something while they were all at the dinner table.

C-''You know,I've been tinkin,''
M-''Did it hurt?'' laughter from everyone
C-''I know this is kind of an old subject,but i really think Sarin would make an eccellent actress.''
D-''Oh geez,I'm gonna go for a walk.''
M-''Well,when do you think you'll be back?''
D-''I dunno.''

And walked out,they all sat there hoping this walk would do him good.Night came and he finally came home,everyone was in bed by then,but he had a certain glow.He tryed to quietly walk up the stairs but they kept creaking.he opened the door to her room and sat on her bed.And started to whisper.

D-''Sarin,Sarin wake up.''
~''Oh hi.How was your walk?''
D-''Fine.Look honey,you can't go,''
~''You're not serious,you woke me up just so you could tell me that?''
D-''Without me.''
~''Dad please just----wait what?
D-''You're sixteen and gonna be an adult in a couple years and,I definatley think you can do this,under certain rules''
~''Thank you thank you!!''
D-''We'll tell your mom and Corey in the morning,now go to sleep.''


Morning came and all was said,excitment flew around the room.They packed and were on their way to Hollywood.When they there,all their hearts were puonding and praying like crazy.Finally Sarin was called in by the directors secratary.

secratary-''Miss.Chambers.''
all-''good luck!''


Out in the hall they were all nervouse,but imagina how Sarin would be.Well,actually she was quite confident and apperantly he too thought confidence was cute.
She came out with a huge smile on her face and the family rose to their feet.

director-''Well your little girl has quite a talent.''
M&D-''Yes she does.''
director-''So good that I'm gonna buy her story.......and...make her the star!''


And from then everything has been great,a successfull actress who didn't go nuts and she ended up writing nearly all her movies.She gave a lot of her profit to the needy and to the town. (stop)''



''Wow grandma you really did all those things?''
~''I sure did.''
''Wow......''