You can always find a smile!

            "Real love and true friendship have one thing in common,
              they both happen just too quickly, but last a lifetime..."         
                                                                         
                                                                                      - My Best Friend.

Just how lucky is a man who is gifted with these two gems? They are the hardest to find, and toughest to keep. I have found both, and so I guess I'm really lucky huh...
Actually it all started with Myley, my best friend from college, it was her gift that I am cherishing and will cherish till my last breath.

                                                ************

"Hey what makes you think you’re a good cook?"

I was trying to wash the dishes as quickly as I could, when Ryan just burst into the kitchen. He had prepared some Spanish-Continental-Chinese sweet dish for dinner, it turned into a disaster, I was trying to get its stains off from my favorite glass bowl.

"No one said you are a bad cook, now try and calm down you'll wake up Cathy."

Mention of Cathy disarmed him a little bit; he calmed down and came and stood beside me, and started washing some of the dishes.

That was that of our argument. It never goes beyond that. Neither me, nor Ryan is really too good at it, and our five year old daughter Cathy is just amazing at breaking into arguments and putting a stop to it. We are planning in advance a suitable cabinet to house her Nobel Peace Prize, when she gets it.

It was dark and cold outside. The night had thickened. As we finished the dishes it was close to midnight. Cathy was fast asleep, lost in her dream world. We both sat on her bedside and I gently stroked her hair. We always do that at the end of each day.

"So, when are we leaving tomorrow?", Ryan asked in a soft voice.

"I planned on six in the morning, but its okay, we can start a bit late."

"You've visited Myley for the last seven years at the same time each year, why change it?"

"Its okay Myley won't mind"

"Yeah, she never minded anything did she? How did she mange to be so calm all the time? She was a really good girl. Sometimes I feel sorry for her.

"Lets go to the verandah, I need to tell you something, about her..."

"But its cold outside!"

"It's okay we can use blankets"

                                                  ****************

Outside it was cold and calm. Everybody was fast asleep. We sat close to each other, wrapped in blankets. I began my story,

"You know, Myley confided me with this secret. I promised her I won't tell anybody, but I think I need to share it with you..." , Ryan looked at me a bit surprised.

We talked about Myley a lot, but I never assumed such a stance. Although she was my best friend, still she was on the whole 'our' friend. Us three have been friends from college days.

"What is it?"

"I thought I knew Myley so well.

She had always been so happy and energetic. All she did was make me laugh, make everyone laugh. She would crack the strangest of Jokes. She was so funny and sweet. She was just like you. No one could tell she was sad about anything, no way Myley she just can't be depressed.

I was such a fool. Whenever I needed help, she was by my side. You know what she used to say,’ You can always find a smile, no matter what'. She taught me how to smile, even when the going got tough. She was always the big sister.

One day I was talking to her about you, I just couldn't resist talking about you then, specially when I was with Myley. All of a sudden I saw her eyes glitter. She tried to hide behind her smiles, but I caught her off guard, the first time.

Myley loved someone.

At first I was so happy for her. But then you know what she said

'...their is someone who is very important to me, but I know he will never love me back, its okay I've accepted it, its a part of my life.'

And all through she was just smiling.

Why? I asked her so many times; she taught me to be brave, why couldn't she be brave and tell it to him. She would just smile at my naieve-ness.

At first I thought it was a whim, but then somehow I could see another Myley behind that smiling face .A sad, helpless Myley. It was not a whim, not a crush, but love.

But as we talked about it, she never hesitated; she was completely at ease about it. She would even make up jokes and we would laugh together.

'...You know he likes fruits very much, specially berries. Blue- berries, just like me. One day I'll buy lots of berries and send him an unnamed parcel',

'...whenever I have chocolates with me, I think he can sniff them, he'll just search for it and make off with them'.

She laughed so freely, it wasn't the sad sort of laughter, I had seen.

I gave up on trying to convince her into confessing, instead I realized what was important to her, she was happy just loving him, that was all she wanted. She never held the hopes of being loved back in return.


Those small jokes were important to her. A weak before she faced that accident Myley broke down.

One evening she dropped in at my house. In the beginning it was okay, we laughed together, talked a lot, had coffee, but then all of a sudden she hugged me fiercely and cried.

She just kept whispering,’I want to tell him, even if it is for once I need to tell him, but...he never will, he will never love me back.'

Three days later she had that accident, and then it was all over. I never knew the truth closest to my best friend's heart.

Myley realized something was going to happen, she was afraid. She suffered silently without sharing it with me, without sharing it with anyone.

As I think back, the moments we spent together, what she did for me. Myley gave me the greatest gift of all, she brought us together."

We both sat quietly for sometime, and then Ryan got up,

"Myley never told you whom she loved?"

"No, never. Sometimes as I looked up at the sky I think about it, maybe he is looking up at those same stars as well. Maybe he is happy and has forgotten all about her.
Or maybe he does miss her, may be he loved her. You can always find a smile, that’s what Myley told me. And she obeyed it. She always smiled. But on that day, the Myley who cried, who was she..."


"Lets go inside, it’s getting late"

                                                  *****************

Cathy accompanied me to where we went every year on Myley's birthday.
It was a custom for us to visit her grave. None of us ever shed a tear, Myley would never like it. But this year Ryan didn’t come. He had a fever from staying out in the cold and decided to stay back home. Besides it was raining.

Myley's parents were there as well. Cathy went along with them to have an ice cream as I decided to stay back.

Rain was dripping. It was calm and silent. Tears rolled down my eyes, this was the first time I cried after Myley died. She made me promise that I would never cry for her. There was a slight noise at the back. It was Ryan.


"Why did you come?",I asked Ryan as he came closer.

"Its okay, I'm feeling well"

We both stood before her grave.

"Emmy I have something to say to you..."


I looked at him, surprised. The last time he said this was years back when he first proposed.


"What is it?"


"I love blue-berries and chocolates"


He was smiling.


"What do you mean?"


"When we were in college together, Myley and I, we worked on a project together, we came to know a lot about each other. I liked her, but...Why? Why didn't she ever say it, why did she hold it back in like that..."


Ryan's voice was choked. I understood everything.


"Myley knew it Emm.She knew you loved me, she never stood in the way. And I, I loved you as well.

But there was this deep emotion about Myley I never understood myself. It was painful, inexplicable once saw her cry too, but she was quick to hide behind her smile.

After what you told me everything last night, I think I'm finally free. Yes, I'm free, and I think Myley she is free as well..."

Ryan looked up at me half smiling, half in tears...


"Yes, she is free. She is finally happy and smiling."


Ryan gave me a soft hug.


"Hey common wipe your tears off."


"Where's Cathy?", he asked looking around, wiping his eyes.


"She's gone to have ice-cream"


Ryan just couldn't stop crying.


"Hey common Ryan, remember what Myley said_ you can always find a smile"