I Was Always There Ch 1 Mimi's Death

“Roger I love you so much.” Tears were flowing down Roger’s face and he just couldn’t bare it. He was losing Mimi. Why do all of my girlfriends seem to die right when I finally get the courage to say I love you? What is wrong with me? He looked into Mimi’s eyes and kissed her for one last time. “Mimi, I-I can’t go on without you. I-I just don’t know what I will do.” Mimi wiped away Roger’s tears with her hand and said, “Roger you must go on. You have a lot of love to give and I know that somewhere out there there is someone just waiting for you.” “Mimi you are the only person for me you always will be.” Mimi looked up at Roger and brushed back Roger’s bangs. “Don’t talk like that Roger you must promise me that you will never ever touch drugs again.”

Roger looked up at the ceiling and thought for a moment. He had given up drugs for Mimi, but now that she was dying he didn’t know what to do. She helped get over his drug problems and convinced him to keep on writing songs and to be the crazy guitar playing songwriter he was before April died. As he looked into Mimi’s eyes he knew that to say yes would make her happy. She would die peacefully. Roger sighed, ‘All right Mimi I will try my hardest to never touch drugs again.” “No matter how bad it gets?” “No matter how bad it gets.”

Mimi hugged Roger and Roger held her in his arms as if to never let her go. He rocked her back and forth and sang to her the song that he wrote for her the first time she almost died. He named the song Your Eyes. He began to cry again he just couldn’t bear it. He could feel Mimi shaking in his arms and he could feel her nails digging in his back as she fought the pain to stay with him for a few minutes longer.

I must try to stay alive a little longer for Roger. He depends on me so much. I don’t want to leave him, but I feel so weak and helpless. I can feel my strength leaving me. I-I must try for Roger, but oh it hurts so much.

Roger just didn’t know what to do or say to ease Mimi’s pain. All he could do was rock her back and forth in his arms and sing to her Your Eyes over and over again. Mimi was having one of her coughing fits which made her even paler that she was before. He looked down at her and said, “Mimi are you okay?” Mimi looked into his eyes and Roger almost started crying again because he saw all the pain in her eyes that she was fighting to be with him. He felt so selfish. He knew that she wanted to die she felt that it was her time to die, but she didn’t want to leave him alone.

“Mimi, you can rest I will never forget you. I know that you are in pain and that you are suffering from holding in all the pain. I don’t want to lose you, but it is killing me knowing that you are holing all this pain to be with me.” Mimi looked into his eyes and kissed Roger for one last time. “Thank you so much Roger now I can sleep for all eternity. I love you so much and remember that I will always be with you. You will never be alone never.”

Roger brought Mimi closer into his embrace so that she could feel the warmth of his body. Roger could feel Mimi’s getting heavier and heavier as she succumbed to the light. “I love you so much Roger.” Tears flowed down Roger’s cheeks and he smiled, “I love you too. Tell Angel and April I said hi.” Mimi nodded and said, “I will.” Mimi kissed Roger one last time and grabbed Roger’s hand as her last bit of strength left her and she drew her last breath. Mimi the dancer was dead.

Unending tears flowed down Roger’s cheeks as he set Mimi’s body on the couch. He missed her already, but he knew that she was finally happy and with Angel again. Roger smiled through his tears at least she is happy I and I know that she will always be with me cheering me on like she always has. Roger kissed Mimi’s cold forehead and her curly hair out of her face.

At that moment Roger heard someone knocking at the door. Roger just didn’t want to answer it he wanted to be alone with Mimi. He heard the same knock again but this time louder. He sighed and opened the door which revealed Collins the philosopher/anarchist. Collins’ smile faded as soon as he saw Mimi’s body on the couch. Collin’s eyes then came upon Roger’s pale figure. He looked like he was about to faint or like he got all the life sucked out of him.

Roger began to sob uncontrollably and he collapsed into Collins’ arms. Collins caught him and began to rub his back trying to comfort him. Collins shut the door and brought Roger to a windowsill that was as far away as possible from the couch were Mimi lay. Collins embraced and told Roger to just let it all out. Roger felt so much better now that Collins was there. He knows exactly how Roger was feeling because he too had lost someone who meant the world to him. Roger heard Collins say, as he was coughing between his tears. “It’s all right, Roger. It is going to be okay. Mimi is free and happy now. She won’t suffer anymore.”

Roger felt like he didn’t have any tears left. He wanted to cry, but he didn’t have the strength to. When Roger was done crying he looked into Collins’ eyes and he felt so safe and at peace. Collins smiled and gave him a hug. “Thank you so much for being here, Collins. I don’t know what I would of done if you weren’t here to comfort me.” “You’re welcome Roger. I guess I got here just in time.” “Collins I don’t know how I am going to pay for her funeral.”

Roger looked over at the couch and tears began to fill his eyes again. He wiped them away and looked into Collins’ eyes as if Collins had the answers to all of his questions. “Maybe you could ask Mark I’m sure he would help you he is your best friend.” Roger nodded in agreement. “I guess I should as him to help me.’ “Hey Rog do you want to go to the Life” Don’t worry it’s on me I’ll but you a drink.” Roger smiled, “Okay thanks Collins.” “Anytime Roger.” Roger grabbed his coat, keys, and scarf and lead Collins out the door. He closed the door and locked it.

As they walked into the cold December air it just hit Roger how long he had been shut up in the apartment looking after Mimi as her condition got worse and worse. Tears began to flow from Roger’s eyes when reality hit him. Mimi was dead she wasn’t coming back. He fell to the ground and covered his face with his hands. He felt Collins’ arms embrace him in a comforting hug. He heard Collins say, “Roger, Roger. I’m so sorry I should have been more careful oh Roger will you forgive me?” Roger began to shake uncontrollably and his sobs just wouldn’t stop. “No Collins,” he said through his tears, “You don’t need to apologize. It’s not your fault. I-I just want to go back to her please.”

Collins nodded. “I understand Rog. Do you want me to go up with you?” “Yes, Collins, thank you.” Collins helped Roger get up and with his support Roger was able to climb up the stairs to the loft. He unlocked the door and left the door ajar so that he could say goodbye to Collins. “Again I would like to thank you so much for being here to help me I really appreciate it.” “You’re welcome Roger. Are you sure that you are going to be all right?” “Yes I will be okay. Thanks again.” Collins smiled and turned to leave. Roger waited until Collins walked down the steps and walked into the cold December morning.

Roger closed the door and he walked towards the couch. He picked up Mimi’s body and it was so cold. When he looked into her eyes that used to be the lovely brown ones that he fell in love with that he got lost in, were now black and cold. “Oh, Mimi. I wish that you were here. I miss you so much. I don’t know how I am going to live without you. You were my world and you helped me get over my drug problems.”

He kissed her cold lips and set her body back on the couch. Roger picked up his guitar which he had discarded for six months the time the time that Mimi had been sick. Then he grabbed his notebook and a pen that he found in a kitchen drawer. Inspiration hit him immediately as he looked upon Mimi’s body. He immediately began to jot down lyrics that came to his head.

Don’t you fret M’sieur Marius,
I don’t feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt me now
You’re here. That’s all I need to know
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
And rain will make the flowers grow.

But you will live ’Ponine- dear God above.
If I could heal you wounds with words of
Love.

Just hold me now, and let it be.
Shelter me, comfort me.

You would live a hundred years
If I could show you how
I won’t desert you now…

The rain can’t hurt me now
This rain will wash away what’s past
And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
I’ll sleep in your embrace at last.
The rain that bring you here
Is heaven blesses.
The skies begin to clear
And I’m at rest.
A breath away from where you are
I’ve come home from so far.
So don’t you fret, M’sieur Marius
I don’t feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt me now.
That’s all I need to know. And you will keep me safe
And you will keep me close
And rain
Will make the flowers…

Hush-a-bye, dear Eponine
You won’t feel any pain
A little fall of rain
Can hardly hurt you now.
I’m here.
I will stay with you till you are sleeping
And rain
Will make the flowers
Grow.

Roger looked at Mimi’s body and tears began to fill his eyes again. Writing song helped him deal with his pain. Roger picked up his guitar and began to sing the song that he now called A Little Fall of Rain. He was so engrossed in the song that he didn’t realize Mark coming home for his lunch break. He didn’t notice Mark’s frozen and pale frame as he came upon the lifeless body of Mimi. When Roger finished singing the song he finally realized that Mark was there. As he looked into his best friend’s eyes he saw the same pain the he was feeling.

They both began to cry as they embraced each other. Mark rubbed Roger’s back and said, “Oh Rog, I’m so sorry. It will be okay Rog because we have each other and Collins, Joanne, and Maureen. It is going to be okay Roger.” Roger smiled and said, “Thank you Mark. I was wondering if you could help me with the funeral.” “Roger you know damn well that I am going to help you with the funeral. You didn’t even have to ask.” Roger gave Mark another big hug and he said, “Thank you so much Mark. I didn’t have any idea how I was going to pay for it unless I pulled the money out of my ass.”

Mark smiled and thought it seems like he is steadily getting over it. I just want him to know that I will always be there for him no matter what. I’ll help him get through this just like I did when April died. I love him, but I don’t know how he would react if I told him that I love him. I hate my life my only purpose in life is to make Roger happy.

Roger saw nothing but love and understanding in Mark’s eyes. He was so happy that the filmmaker was here. Just seeing Mark’s face made him feel warm and happy. Roger knew that Mark was going to be there for him and that helped him feel so much better.

Two Months Later

“Mimi you were the love of my life. I loved you with my body and soul and I don’t think that I can let you go. It is going to be so heard learning how to live without you, but I will try my hardest not to give in. Oh, Mimi I will never forget your brown eyes and your hair in the moonlight.” Roger knelt down and kissed the coffin which now held the body of the dancer whom he loved. As he walked up the hill to meet his friends and he saw them standing there tears began to fill his eyes. I am surrounded by so much love. I am the luckiest man alive.

Collins walked to him and gave him a huge hug. Maureen and Joanne did the same. When he came to Mark he saw the tears in his eyes Roger smiled and gave him a hug. As he did so he whispered into the filmmaker’s ear, “I love you.” Roger began to rub Mark’s back lovingly. Roger didn’t want to be alone. Mark had been there all along and he never noticed. How could I have been so stupid? thought Roger. He always wanted to have Mark by his side now and forever. He loved the skinny blond filmmaker. When Roger released the embraced he looked into Mark’s eyes and he pulled Mark towards him for a passionate kiss.

As Mark felt Roger’s tongue wiggling in his mouth he thought oh my fucking God. Am I dreaming? No I can’t be dreaming Roger is mine and he will always be mine.

When Roger broke off the kiss he looked into Mark’s eyes and saw nothing but love in them love for him. He smiled and he pulled Mark into a tight embrace. Collins punched Roger playfully in the stomach and said, “It took you this fucking long to figure it out. Jesus Christ Rog. All right lets get drunk.” Roger took Marks’ hand and put it in his own. “Come on Mark.” Mark squeezed Roger’s hand. “Thank you so much Roger. I have been dreaming about this day ever since I first met you.” Roger kissed Mark on the cheek. “Come on you two love birds,” said Maureen, “Collins is paying.”

Later That Night

Roger and Mark walked into the flat that they had lived in together for many years. They walked by the bathroom where Roger’s first girlfriend April killed herself. Roger sat on the couch where Mimi died two months earlier. Mark sat on Roger’s lap and gave him a kiss. Roger began to kiss Mark’s neck and nibbled on his earlobe. Mark laughed and nudged Roger in the stomach.

“Pookie I love you,” said Roger with a mischievous smile. “Oh shut the hell up Roger. You know I hate that fucking name.” “You don’t need to get your panties all in a bunch.” “Roger come on.” “Oh but Pookie it is fun to see you blush it’s so cute.” Roger smiled and kissed Mark so hard that he had Mark gasping for breath within minutes. “Holy shit Roger. What are you trying to do?” “I am trying to make love to you.” Mark looked into his lover’s eyes. “Roger I want to be yours.” “Are you sure?” “Yes it is all that I ever wanted.” Roger took of Mark’s glasses and placed them on the coffee table. “Are you ready?” “I have always been ready.” Roger smiled and put Mark into the heat of his erection.