Thats Why I Left

Maybe I am scared,
As much as I miss the times we had,
and the conversations we shared,
I can´t come back,
I can´t see you,
I can´t speak to you,
It seems to be the only way to keep myself from getting hurt,
You have never done me wrong and I want to believe that you never could,
Thats why I left,
I never want to picture you as anything other than what you always have been,
My friend,
My love,
The one who was there when I came running,
The one who sheltered me when the rest of the world was crashing down,
You have held me together,
You have given me sanity and strength,
Thats why I left,
If I was hurt by you I would never trust again,
Never love again,
Never live again,
I couldn´t recover if you betrayed me,
And maybe that makes me weak in your eyes,
But I need to be strong for myself,
What hurts the most is you will never know how I felt,
Never know that I drift to sleep at night crying,
Because I miss you,
The way you held me when I cried,
The way you hugged me when I left,
The way we sat on your backswing for hours while you put my life back together for me,
You´ll never know,
Because as soon as I sensed your feelings for me I ran,
Not because of you,
Not because I didn´t want you,
But because I couldn´t take the chance of ruining those memories,
The chance of ruining those nights,
Everything I have is eventually destroyed and I won´t see that happen to us,
So even though it hurts now no matter what I go through in life I can go back to the memories of the times we had together and there will be no bad ones,
Those memories will eventually get me to sleep at night and wake me up in the morning,
But not yet,
Not tonight,
Tonight I will cry because I am scared and I can´t help to wonder what could have been,
But if you know nothing know this,
I will love you until the day I die.