Two Faces

The young woman sat, grasping her husband's hand tightly, as the doctor gave her the diagnosis. The fear, the shock, and the painful truth of it began to sink in. Her mind was racing through a thousand different things at once making it hard to catch everything the doctor was saying. The diagnosis he had given her was replaying in her mind like a broken record. It whispered in her ear as if to mock her; cancer...cancer...cancer.

Tears were stinging her eyes as her husband led her from the office. As they stepped outside she wondered how the sun could be shining when a storm raged within her. Anger that she should be taken from her family at such a young age, fear of what lie ahead, and sadness all battled for the top place in her heart. Such a rage of emotions left her feeling sick to her stomach and she sat there silently on the drive to her sister's house.

Meredith knew that Anna had a mole biopsied but she was not expecting to see her that day. In fact, she doubted her sister would be there at all that week since the doctor had assured them that the mole was benign. Still, there seemed to be doubt and fear gnawing away at her. "What if" kept running through her mind. Just the thought of Anna having cancer made Meredith's stomach churn painfully. She prayed fervently that God would lend her His strength when her sister needed it while also praying that whatever was ailing Anna would be healed.

Meredith was reading a book, her husband was playing a video game, and the kids were playing in their room. There was a stew simmering for dinner filling the house with its savory aroma. The front door opened and Meredith looked up to see who it was, expecting to see her younger sister Nikki. It surprised and confused her to see Anna and Andy come through the door. She laid her book down and began walking toward her sister.

Anna broke down when she saw Meredith. Meredith knew immediately that they had just received bad news and ran to embrace her now sobbing sister. "What's happened? Did they get the results back already?"

Meredith knew the answer to that already but she still held out some hope that it was not as bad as she feared. Her stomach was knotting up already and she said a silent prayer that God would help her to help her sister. She led Anna to the couch and sat there patiently listening to her sister tell her that she was dying. Stage four malignant melanoma had been found. The doctor, according to Andy, had told Anna to get her affairs in order.

Meredith had never experienced a pain so deep within her soul before. It felt as though some dark, evil hand had reached in and ripped a part of it away. Her lungs seemed to stop working as she began to feel the full impact of what she'd just heard. She quickly pushed her own fears and pain aside, and forced herself to focus on giving Anna the comfort and support she needed. Keeping her own pain and fear hidden from Anna was not easy. More than once she thought she would lose composure.

Somehow, Meredith managed to get through that evening. She managed, quite boldly, to tell her sister that they would fight the cancer. They would do whatever the doctor's said, have everyone they knew praying, and prove to the world that God does answer prayers. All the while masking her own pain and doubt. Meredith played her part so well that A-list movie stars would have been envious. She was smiling as Anna got into her car to leave. She watched as they drove away and when they turned the corner out of sight, she closed the door and went into the kitchen to clean up the mess from dinner.

Devon followed her knowing his wife would not be able to hold back her emotions much longer. Bowls clattered in the sink as Meredith lost her battle against trying to hide her emotions. Tears streamed down her face and she felt is if she would drown in her own tears before she would stop crying.

Devon, with tears in his own eyes, lifted her into his arms and carried her over to the couch. He knew there was no way to soothe the pain his wife was feeling and so he did the only thing he could. He sat there holding her, listening as she continued to sob. "She's my sister! It's not fair, it's not right! What am I suppose to do without my sister?"

Devon just continued to hold her close as tears began to fall from his own eyes. He had no words to give her that could take that kind of hurt away. All he could do was offer strong arms to envelop her, a shoulder to cry on, and a compassionate ear.

Meredith finally calmed down though her stomach was still in knots. She worried that she might break down like that in front of Anna. "I have to be strong for her. How can I be strong for her when I feel so weak? Every second that passed after she told me was agony. I just knew that any minute I was going to break. I can't do this Devon. I can't keep up the facade that she is going to beat this every time I see her."

Devon smiled sympathetically, "My brave, sweet, loving woman you will be strong for her because she needs that from you and because you love her. We'll get through this together. And maybe she will survive this. It's not unheard of for people to survive cancer."

Meredith reluctantly formed a smile "Yeah, maybe she will," she said though did not really believe it. How could she when it was so rare for anyone with stage four cancers to survive? She felt drained and her heart felt sick with the loss she knew was inevitable. Memories flooded her mind from all the times she had shared with her sister. The laughter, the tears, and even the petty fights they had as children. She tried hard to picture them as old women and the things she thought they might do then, but every time she tried the only person she saw was herself.

She prayed fervently each night. She prayed that her sister would somehow survive so that they could tell the world there is a God. "Please, please don't take her away from us," she begged. During the day, she was a pillar of strength for her sister. She took Anna to her doctor's appointments, looked after her when the surgery to remove the tumor was done, and tried to keep the mood as light as possible. At night, she would often cry herself to sleep but she would not let Anna see her like that for fear that Anna might lose hope seeing her sister's doubt and fear.

The surgery to remove the tumor and to biopsy the lymph nodes provided a shock to the doctor. The cancer had not spread and they had been able to remove the entire tumor in Anna's leg. Meredith felt a huge burden had been lifted from her shoulders. She was able to smile and breathe freely once again.

It has been two years since that roller coaster ride of emotion. Two years of doctor's appointment's every three months. Two years of waiting and watching since they were told malignant melanoma has the highest return rate of all cancers. There is still a chance that the cancer could return, though there is not as high of a risk now that the two year mark has been reached. However, if the cancer ever does return Meredith knows she will once again have to wear two faces.