Whore, Scenes 16 - 30

Cut to:

EXT. Park - Morning

Lil' Joke is sitting on the park bench as a secretive guy wearing a trench coat, hat and sun glasses sits next to Lil' Joke

Secretive guy
The gerbil is

Lil' Joke
In Richard Gere's ass

Secretive guy
Can you handle this task?

Lil' Joke
Yeah, who are you by the way?

Secretive guy
I'm Secretive guy, I was involved in the cover up's between the years 2000 and 2008

Lil' Joke
Wasn't those the years George Bush was in office?

Secretive guy
Correct

Lil' Joke
What the hell else did they fuck up?

Secretive guy
Dick Chaney shot someone

Lil' Joke
That was in the news

Secretive guy
Well did you know that it happened after Mr. Chaney downed a fifth of jack?

Lil' Joke
No, they said he only had two beers

Secretive guy
Oh, well don't tell anyone else

Secretive guy hands Lil' Joke a brown envelope

Lil' Joke
This holds all the info?

Secretive guy
Yeah, but don't loose it. I already lost the first six copies

Lil' Joke
You're not vary good at being a secret agent

Secretive guy
I'm still better at my job then George Bush Jr was

Secretive guy stands up and pulls out a mega phone

Secretive guy
(Speaks into the mega phone)
I was a secret agent for the government

Secretive guy walks off

Lil' Joke
Well he is right, George Bush Jr was worse at his job, then home boy secret agent

Lil' Joke pulls out his phone and calls someone

Lil' Joke
Chunky Milk

Cut to:

INT. Hotel room - Continuing

Chunky Milk is sitting on the bed talking on the phone

Chunky Milk
Hey Big Daddy Lil' Joke
(Pause)
What a job, doing who?
(Pause)
Well ok, I'll see you in a little bit Lil' Joke. I got a customer, gotta go Daddy Lil'

Chunky Milk hangs up her cell phone and Male 3 walks out of the bathroom wearing a robe

Male 3
Say hello to my little friend

Close up of Chunky Milk's face

Damn, your shit is smaller then George Bush Jr's approval ratings

Cut to:

INT. Hotel room - Morning

Bob Dole is sitting at the edge of the bed as Juicie Johnson walks up and sits next to him

Juicie Johnson
Let's get this over with

Bob Dole
Bob Dole's viagra hasn't kicked in yet, Bob Dole's little Bob Dole is still sleeping

Juicie Johnson
What do you want to do til then

Bob Dole
Bob Dole wants to play pattie cake

Juicie Johnson
That will cost as extra fifty

Bob Dole
Bob Dole wants to change all the words to Bob Dole

Juicie Johnson
Two hundred

Bob Dole
and Juicie Johnson begin to play pattie cake

Bob Dole                    Juicie Johnson
Bob Dole, Bob Dole,          Bob Dole, Bob Dole,
Bob Dole, Bob Dole,          Bob Dole, Bob Dole,
Bob Dole, Bob Dole,          Bob Dole, Bob Dole,
Bob Dole, Bob Dole,          Bob Dole, Bob Dole,
Bob Dole, Bob Dole          Bob Dole, Bob Dole

Bob Dole
(Continuing)
Bob Dole's little Bob Dole is ready to do the Bob Dole

Cut to:

INT. Hotel room - Noon

Drag and School chick is sitting next to each other on the side of the bed

School chick
I never done anything like this before

Drag
That's ok, I'll take it slow

School chick
God doesn't like premarital sex, but it doesn't count when it's two females

Drag
About that, I have a really big vagina

School chick
That's ok; I have a huge vagina, too. Matter of fact it's so big that it looks like a baby cock

Drag
Yeah but mine is so big it looks like a eight inch cock

School chick
That's fine, not everyone is perfect

Drag
So are we going to do it now?

School chick
First we should pray

Then School chick and drag kneel down and get into the praying position

School chick
Dear Lord, we thank you for the girl on girl relations we are about to take part in and we thank you for not letting gays get married. Because if they could their wouldn't be a loop hole for us that wish to take part in premarital sex

School chick                    Drag
Amen                              Amen

School chick and Drag sit back on the bed

Drag
Ready now?

School chick
(Demonic scream)
Get over here bitch

School chick grabs Drag's shoulders and slams him on the bed

Drag
What's going on?

School chick
(Demonic)
Exorcist shit bitch

Then as School chick's head begins to turn all the way around it cuts to a close up of Drag's face

Drag
(Screams)
What the fuck?

Pull back:

School chick's head finnish's turning around

School chick
(Demonic)
Time to show you what Rose Mary's baby is all about bitch

Cut to:

INT. Hotel room - Continuing

Drag is lying on the bed while a demonic looking School chick rides him

School chick
(Demonic)
Say my name bitch

Drag
Crazy hoe

School chick slaps Drag across the face

School chick
(Demonic)
Say my name

Drag
Pmsin crazy hoe

Cut to:

INT. Bedroom - Noon

Theirs a guy holding a pill bottle is lying on the bed next to a open window as Courtney Love climbs through the window

Courtney Love
I hope i can steal some crab shampoo from this house

Rabbit pops his head into the window

Rabbit
Herpes

Courtney Love
What Rabbit?

Rabbit
What are you doing in my Grandma's house?

Courtney Love
Get out, I'm robbing for crack

Rabbit
Can i barrow a dollar?

Courtney Love
(Screams)
No

Rabbit
Well then can i barrow what you steal? You know I'm good for it

Courtney Love
You're a crack head

Rabbit
And you're a crack whore

Cut to:

EXT. Outside window - Continuing

Courtney Love
Look out for cops

Pill head (V.O)
Who are you?

Back to:

INT. Bedroom - Continuing

Pill head is foaming at the mouth and while holding a open pill bottle

Pill head
Who are you?

Pill head downs the open pill bottle

Courtney Love
The Crack fairy

Pill head
I'll buy that, so what do you give out?

Courtney Love
Ummm

Courtney pulls up her dress to show off her cat

Courtney Love
Herpes

Cut to:

INT. Hotel room - Noon

Movie extra is sitting on the bed and then French whore walks out of the bathroom

French whore
Ok i shaved my arm pits, are you happy now?

Movie extra
Yeah
(Pause)
Want to hear a funny ass joke?

French whore
Ok

Movie extra
How many French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb?

French whore
I don't know

Movie extra
Five French soldiers, first one to sit on his butt, watch and do nothing. Second one to turn tail and run. Third one to roll over. Fourth one to surrender to the light blub and snitch out occupied sockets. Then the fifth one to pick up a phone and cry to the United States

French whore
(Confussed)
I don't get it

Movie extra
What are you, French Canadian?

French whore
Actually I'm seventy five percent French and fifty percent Canadian

Cut to:

INT. The shop - Noon
(Clerk, Obi Sky Walker and White Bread)

Clerk and Obi are standing behind the counter and White Bread is standing in front of the counter

Clerk
So did you get your new hoe yet?

White Bread
Yeah, but i got stuck with a retarded hoe

Obi Sky Walker
What do you mean by retarded, Special Olympics retarded or French Canadian retarded?

White Bread
Special Olympics retarded

Obi Sky Walker
Well at least she's smarter then a French Canadian

White Bread
Yeah

Then Hoe 2 walks in with Lil' Joke in his stroller

White Bread
What's Crack'n Lil' Pimp'n

Lil' Joke
Nothin' much big pimp'n

Hoe 2 picks up Lil' Joke and places him on the counter

Lil' Joke
You know our hoes where beef'n this morning?

White Bread
Again?

Clerk
Didn't they use to get along?

White Bread
Yeah

Lil' Joke
The last time they were friends was at last years Slutties awards

I remember that award show; that was the year Big Johnson sausage sponsored the Hermaphrodite award

Cut to:

INT. Slutties award show - Last year

Drag and Juicie Johnson are standing at the podium

Drag
Hey Juicie Johnson did you have fun masticating with me before the show?

Juicie Johnson
Of course, masticating with that carrot was the greatest

Drag
How about that pine apple?

Juicie Johnson
That was my favorite, but of course we just had to masticate with a sausage from the people at Big Johnson sausage

Darg
Now time to present the Big Johnson sausage Hermaphrodite award

Juicie Johnson
Big Johnson sausges taste great, right Drag?

Drag
Yes they do, i even have one in my pocket for later

Juicie Johnson
I thought you were just happy to see me

Drag
And the nominees are Martha Stewart

Juicie Johnson
Hillary Swank

Drag
And Donald Trump's bitch Rosie O'Donnell

Juicie Johnson opens the envelope

Juicie Johnson                    Drag
Hillary Swank                    Hillary Swank

Back to:

INT. The shop - Continuing

White Bread
Good times

Lil' Joke
And to think the only reason they stopped doing the Slutties is because Hillary Swank got sand in her vagina slash penis and sued the award show

Clerk
But why didn't Rosie win the hermaphrodite award?

Obi Sky Walker
Because Donald Trump owned it

Cut to:

EXT. Corner - Noon

Whore is standing on the corner as Forest Hump walks up

Forest Hump
Hello I'm Forest Hump, people call me Forest Hump

Whore
I'm Whore, people call me dirty herpes infected right wing conservative whore

Forest Hump
Will you touch my special spot?

Cut to:

INT. Hotel room - Continuing

Whore and Forest Hump are sitting on the bed next to each other

Whore
You pay me, i love you half hour

Forest Hump
My wee wee is hard

Whore looks down real quick

Whore
Your shit be looking like peas and baby carrots

Forest Hump
That's what i was talking about

Whore
The both of you were in love?

Forest Hump
No, Jenny sucked my wee, wee
(Pause)
This is a cheap joke

Whore
Yeah it is, but it could have been worse

Cut to:

INT. Hotel room - Noon

Richard Gere is laying half way under the covers, as someone else moves around under the covers

Richard Gere
Oh yeah, that's the spot

Juicie Johnson pops out from under the covers holding a tube

Juicie Johnson
He's in their Rich

Richard Gere
(Interrupts)
Don't say my name

Juicie Johnson
Why?

Richard Gere
Shh! Just make a gerbil sound

Juicie Johnson
peep, peep

Richard Gere
Oh yeah, up the hershey highway he goes

Juicie Johnson
You're not going to make me fall in love with you like in that one crappy movie Pretty Women are you?

Richard Gere
Don't reference my movies

Juicie Johnson
Why?

Richard Gere
Because the retard capable writer of this film is afraid the real Richard Gere will sue him for all of his weed money

Juicie Johnson
Ok

Richard Gere
Now it's your turn, go in their after him

Cut to:

INT. Hotel room - Noon

Close up of Drag's face. Music from a key board begins to play. Drag pulls out some lip stick and applies it on to his lips

Drag
Would you fuck me?

Drag puts more lip stick on

Drag
I would fuck me

Drag puts a little more lip stick on

Drag
I would fuck me hard

Pull back:

Drag is standing in front of a hotel room door as a Pianist plays the key board in the corner and Female 2 is lying on the hotel bed

Drag
I have a talented Pianist

Cut to:

INT. Hotel room – Continuing

Drag and female 2 are doing doggie style

Drag
It rubs the lube in your hole

Cut to:

INT. Hotel room - Noon

A man in a ski mask ia nailing Whore from behind

Whore
(Screams)
Rape me, rape me, rape me oh rape me harder

Cut:

EXT. Aunt Flow's living room - Noon

Aunt Flow is sitting on the couch

Aunt Flow
(Pmsin)
I'm offended

Then Aunt Flow shakes her fist towards the window

Cut to:

INT/ EXT. Looking out the living room window where a the crowed of pmsin females are standing

Crowed of Females
(Screams)
Yeah

Cut to:

INT. Hotel room - Noon

Juicie Johnson is standing by the foot of the bed, while Male 3 is sitting on the side of the bed

Male 3
You're a hermaphrodite right?

Juicie Johnson
Of course

Male 3
Good because i don't want to do any gay shit

Cut to:

INT. Hotel room - Continuing

Juicie Johnson is nailing Male 3 from behind

Juicie Johnson
(Moaning)
Oh yeah, umm oh yeah mmm

Juicie Johnson orgasms

Juicie Johnson
(Continuing and screaming)
Oh yeah, take those aids

Cut to:

INT. Hotel room - Noon

Politician walks thru the front door, as Chunky Milk sits on the bed

Politician
Hello their

Chunky Milk stands up

Chunky Milk
You got some crack big boy?

Politician hands Chunky Milk a big crack rock

Chunky Milk
Make your self at home while i go slip this crack into something more computable

Politician
Ok

Chunky Milk walks into the bathroom and Politician sits
on the bed

Chunky Milk
So, ever did this before?

Politician
Of course I'm a politician; I was smoking crack in a hotel room with a crack whore just this morning

Chunky Milk steps out of the bathroom holding a crack
pipe

Chunky Milk
A hooker and a politician smoking crack in a hotel room

Close up of Chunky Milk's face

Chunky Milk
Can you say Dejaue?

Chunky Milk walks over to the bed and sits next to Politician. Then Chunky passes the pipe to Politician

Politician
After we smoke crack, I'll show you my elected poll

Chunky Milk
Oh my, I hope it's a landslide

Politician hits the crack pipe and then Gilligan
Rivera walks into the room

Gilligan Rivera
Damn slow down Bobby Brown

Politician stops hitting the crack pipe

Politician
What's going on, who are you?

Gilligan Rivera
I'm Gilligan Rivera, Geraldo Rivera's retarded brother

Politician
Well get out, I'm conducting business

Gilligan Rivera
I'm from a show called "How to catch a Politician" and you're on TV right now. Do you have anything to say?

Politician
I'm a politician

Cut to:

EXT. Ally way - Noon

The Crack whore hunter is ducked down by a dumpster

Crack whore hunter
Crackie, I'm the Crack whore hunter and today we're going to mess with the biggest crack whore ever, Courtney Love

The Crack whore hunter peeks around the dumpster to a close up of his face. Then shoot the Crack whore hunter looking on towards Courtney Love as she's walking down the ally. Then the camera looks back to the Crack whore hunter

Crack whore hunter
Now I'm a bum rush her, tie her up and then stick it in her butt. Crackie

Cut to:

EXT. Ally way - Continuing

The crack whore is standing their as Courtney Love is sitting on the ground all tied up

Crack whore hunter
Crackie, isn't she a disgusting crack whore kids? I got her all tied up, so now i could stick my anaconda up her bum

Courtney Love
You can't do that unless you give me some crack

Crack whore hunter
Crack whores love crack, they even been known to do the most disgusting thing to get their hands on crack. By the way the most disgusting thing I'm talking about is Bruce Vilanch

Cut to:

EXT. The Corner - Day

Bruce Vilanch is standing on the corner

Bruce Vilanch
Ouch, that stung

Back to:

EXT. Ally way - Comtinuing

The Crack whore hunter is standing behind the dumpster

Crack whore hunter
Oh crackie, I'm being attacked by the crack whore Courtney Love behind this dumpster. Oh yeah that's the spot, umm. Crack I think this one has the herpes; she might start foaming herpes from the mouth

Cut to:

EXT. The wall - Lunch

Juicie Johnson is standing in front of the wall with a Dead Valley whore leaning up against the wall

Juicie Johnson
Yep

Whore and Retarded whore walk up

Whore
What's crackin?

Juicie Johnson
Nothing much, just still recovering from a pair of prunes

Retarded whore
You still can get customers even though you're a

Juicie Johnson
Yeah it is a little hard because of my uncircumcised hermaphrodite penis

Retarded whore
Do you still get paid as much as you should?

Juicie Johnson
I make my paper, but that old fuck only had a fifty. So i faked it

Retarded whore
Hermaphrodites can't fake it

Juicie Johnson
Of course we can, that shit is easy

Retarded whore
No way, prove it

Juicie Johnson
(Moaning
Ummm yeah oh yeah take all four inches of hermaphrodite cock
(Screaming)
Oh yeah, oh yeah (Improv)

Movie extra walks up

Movie extra
I'll have what it's having

Movie extra walks off

Juicie Johnson
I'm a win an Oscar for that, bitches

Whore
Looks like Valley whore had a rough morning

Juicie Johnson
Yeah we worked at the corner in front of the necrophilia awareness center; she got everyone that pulled into that parking lot

Then Juicie Johnson places her hand on Valley whore's shoulder

Juicie Johnson
Isn't that right Valley whore

Valley whore falls over

Juicie Johnson
She must be worn out

Cut to:

INT. Hotel room - Night

Paris Hilton is sitting on the bed holding panties

Paris Hilton
I'm Paris, i don't have to say my last name just like that old hermaphrodite Cher. That's hot! Like this is the part of the show when we use product placement to make money for a fifty dollar blow job with the side of herpes, that was given to the doped up crack headish writer of this crap fest.

Paris looks at the panties for a second

Paris Hilton
Like now what is this? What is it like for?

Voice (V.O)
You wear them

Paris Hilton
Over what?

Voice (V.O)
It keeps your pink taco covered up some what

Paris Hilton
They have something to cover up my vagina, that's hot! I'll make it a trend to not show your vagina, only see thru panties. That's hot, now shut up and lets take in my glory. I'm hot