And then...

Eleven months of waiting… almost two years of frustration... the fact that she could walk straight this morning surprised him.

As only she could, she moved across the kitchen as if she belonged.  Cooking was natural to her, and complaints were generally limited to the nature of an overstuffed beer-belly.  If it were true that a way to a man’s heart were through his stomach, she would have found love long ago.

Scrambled eggs, grits, and her handmade sausage roll.  It may have been almost a year, but the smells made the months melt away.  It seemed as if all had been righted in a very wrong world.

She had her reasons… he was sure of that.  He just didn’t understand them.  Maybe he never would.

The past is the past.  It was a mantra he lived by.  It wasn’t really a choice… but more of a defense.  It finally occurred to him one day that beating himself up over things he could not change was a little ridiculous.  It wasn’t a big leap from there to realize that he had to be able to forgive, even if he did not understand.

Many nights had been spent in anguish.  There were months that had been completely lost.  Crown Royal, marijuana, Marlboro Lights, take-out and easy women.  Nothing ever filled the void he felt, but they were the tools available.

Some said he lost his mind.  Actually, it was he who reached the conclusion first.

But that was not the truth.  His mental capacity never left him, no matter how hard he tried.  Those days spent in darkness… despite his best efforts… were lived with complete awareness of what he did not have in his life.

And then… this morning… she scrambled eggs.

There was no anger… there was no hurt.  More importantly… there were no questions.  As hard as it was for him… he knew the consequences.  While good… it wouldn’t be the sausage roll he would miss.

Not ready to risk it… he continued to fake sleep.  Sometimes the small apartment came in handy, he thought to himself, as he watched her from across the one room efficiency.  The Florida Keys are an expensive place to live… but its hard to beat the scenery.  It had been less than 24 hours, yet he could not stop his mind from thinking that he was going to need a bigger place.

The idea of a soon-to-be 6 year old in the house didn’t phase him one bit, time with his own son during his visitation prepared him for that.  No… it was the one on the way that made him worry.  Sure… he could do the daddy thing… it was what he had always wanted.  But the one on the way had a daddy… and it was not him.

It wasn’t that he minded raising another man’s child… it was that he knew the other man would always resent it.  That the other man had a connection that he did not have.  That the other man would ALWAYS be a threat.

She was showing.  It was still early… but she was showing.  As the early morning light filtered across her hair, it was as if the aura he could always see was actually visible.  Closing his eyes… the sight was still just as vivid.  It had been too long… and he refused to ruin it by talking.

Making her way around the tiny apartment, she was forced to pass directly by the bed.  Like a possum, he lay still… waiting for the right opportunity to make his move.  Just as she passed within reach, he pounced… more gently than in the past… but forceful enough still to be rewarded.

Of course she resisted… it was her thing.  Resisting was her defense.  But this morning… just as last night… the resistance was weak and just for show.  He knew how strong she was, both mentally and physically, and he knew when she was submitting. 

He closed his eyes as her lips found his.  He should have closed them 5 seconds earlier.  He felt his heart slip another inch before their lips even touched… and he knew then that he was definitely a lost cause.  At this point, it was only a question as to how long he could hide it from her.

Just the taste of her kisses sent shockwaves coursing through his body.  The memories of every kiss before came back, and suddenly emotions were alive that had been dormant for a year.  As his hand moved to the nape of her neck, he could feel her longing.  Could it be that she honestly craved him as well?  Was this really happening?

Spreading his fingers he found a firm grasp at the root of her long hair.  A slight gasp of approval and desire motivated him further.  Tossing her head to the side, it was all he could do not to bite into her neck the same as vampire would do, but for now, soft kisses leading up to her ear would suffice. 

Nuzzling into his neck, she did not return the gentle kindness.  Her teeth found flesh near his Adam’s apple, and she held him at bay for a second before release.  It would leave a mark… she often did.

A firm slap on the backside had been earned, and he was never one to hesitate.  It always aroused him the way sparks literally flew from her eyes at moments like this.  Those sparks had been known to hypnotize him, but today he wanted a complete fireworks show. 

Allowing his hand to move down the small of her back, his fingers traced from memory the tattoo.  The image had never left his mind, and probably never would.  While their lips remained locked, tongues alternately exploring, his hand continued to caress her body gently, taking a meandering walk on a generally southern course. 

The exploration found an inviting environment, yet he held back.  Too long had she made him wait… it was his turn.  Rounding the bend on the way to the promised land, he relinquished his control. 

Nobody likes cold grits.